Golddigger 101

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Sunday, July 30, 2017

Ch 7 I pick up the knives from Stephanie's and after she tells me what Sly forces Doris to do, I think maybe Doris will find an off-script use for the knives

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In addition to the knives we ordered, we also bought a potato peeler, which we packed in our luggage – I don’t think anyone has ever hijack...

Ch 7 Wednesday Sly corrects Doris from afar about whether some doctor is an obstetrician or a gynecologist, a topic that Sly knows far better than Doris, and Doris and I bond over our mutual eye-rolling at Sly

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Doris and I are watching a cooking show on TV and talking about food. There is nothing ...
Saturday, July 29, 2017

Ch 7 I make onion rings with Doris and think perhaps this, this is a bonding moment and then she asks me how much I weigh, which is a rather personal question and could spoil the mood or could create intimacy – who knows?

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Doris wants onion rings for supper. I have never made onion rings before but it can’t be that hard, right? At the least, I can keep her com...
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Ch 7 Doris is determined to tell Fernando he is living his life wrong because clearly, she and Sly have found the formula for happiness

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Primo: I spoke to her. She's still going to write to him. Me: Do your parents ever wonder why they don't have any friends?

Ch 7 Behind closed doors, Primo and I talk about Doris’ proposed actions RE Fernando and I explain that going to church on Sundays, going to Sunday school, going to church social activities, being in the church choir, and being involved in the CYO do not necessarily make someone a horrible person unless you think I am a horrible person

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Primo: I think she wants my approval to write that letter to Fernando. Me: What do you think? Primo: Well, I thought Fernando's...

Ch 7 Sly seems surprised to see me reading a book with no pictures

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Sly: Are you reading Andersonville ? Me: Yes. Sly: MacKinlay Kantor Andersonville? Me: Yes. Is there another one? Sly: Oh! ...

Ch 7 Doris complains about a Christmas card from Primo’s friend and volunteers to set the friend straight about his life, which is too dedicated to religion

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Doris: Primo, your friend Fernando sent us a Christmas letter. Me: That was nice of him. Primo said they have been friends since high s...

Ch 7 Nope, it was the cleaning lady who left the flowers in the guest room, and I wonder how someone who can afford to pay a cleaning lady, which is something only Rich People have in my world, can’t afford to buy cans of diet Dr Pepper for me

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Me: Doris! The flowers in the guest room are so nice. Thank you. Doris: What flowers? Me: Some hibiscus, maybe from your garden? I l...

Ch 7 Doris puts flowers in the guest room for us and I am so, so happy that we have finally Turned the Corner

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Me: Primo! Look! Primo: What? Me: Flowers! Your mom put flowers in the guest ...

Ch 7 Alternative conversation where Sly and Doris are mortified that we bring our own food and react appropriately

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Primo: Mom, where should I put this stuff? We brought some lunch meat and some bread. Doris and Sly: What? No! Oh, how we are shamed t...

Ch 7 It does not faze Sly and Doris at all that we bring our own food, even though I would be dying in shame if someone brought her own meals to my house because she didn’t think I would feed her

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Primo: Mom, where should I put this stuff? We brought some lunch meat and some bread. Doris, not even looking up from her crossword puz...

Ch 7 Tuesday We buy our own lunch on our way to Sly and Doris’ because finally, I have wised up and accepted that the world is the way it is and I will no longer struggle against something big and unstruggle-able-against, like Sly and Doris and the fact that they are very bad hosts who do not provide lunch for their guests

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Primo has some deal with his American Express card where he will get a $30 credit for spending money at six merchants. He still needs to bu...
Friday, July 28, 2017

Ch 7 I don’t want to give homemade jam to Doris because I am a bitch – there is no way to sugar-coat it

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I have a pear tree in my back yard that produces abundantly. I hate to waste food and t...
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Ch 7 Primo packs Cream of Shrimp soup, which costs four dollars a can, to take to Florida, which is so environmentally responsible – I applaud Sly and Doris’ commitment to sustainability

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Me: Why are you packing soup in my suitcase? Primo: Because it’s liquid and can’t go in my carry-on bag. Me: No. Why are you packin...
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Thursday, July 27, 2017

Ch 7 I tell my sister that Sly and Doris are crazy people and she points out that I do not have to play this game and offers to send me drugs

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Jenny: When are you guys going to get married? Me: Divorce isn’t final. Jenny: So you aren’t even married – you don’t even have a d...