In which Sly comments on the dark meat

Thanksgiving 2008 We are chez Sly and Doris. Yes, I know I said we would spend no more holidays with them. Did I lie? Or did I forget this event because I wish to forget it? Because I did not want to spend more holidays with them? What is a lie, anyhow? Is it when you forget something, when you do not know something is untrue but say it is so, when you deliberately mislead?

This is not a philosophy blog. I will not address those questions.

Alas, we are there for Thanksgiving. We do not want to be. I do not want to be. But Primo had wanted to use up his frequent flier tickets before the airlines changed the programs. Really, I would rather have seen those miles go to waste rather than spend more time with Sly and Doris, but I also love Primo and part of that love is sacrificing for his sake.

He has to visit. They are his parents, after all. He does not like to go there alone. Alone, it is nothing but doing their chores because you know there are no plumbers where they live. There is nobody who could clean the cat poop off the floor around the cat box, not even their cleaning lady. No, not even she. He gets lonely. I can suck it up so he is not so lonely and bored.

So here we are. It is Thanksgiving dinner. Primo and I have done a lot of the cooking, which we do not mind, as we like to cook and as Doris has arthritis in her hands, so she can't do much and it would be mean make her.

We have cooked with inferior tools. Their knives are old and dull. They do not have a decent potato peeler, only an old, dull paring knife and of course the potatoes must be peeled, even though Primo and I prefer mashed potatoes with the peels left on. The apples for the pie as well, even though we prefer unpeeled apples. But their house, their rules. I am OK with that philosophy, except it seemed that when they visited us, it was our house, their rules. Am I bitter about that?

Yes.

Stephanie and Jack's divorce is final. They are at the house, along with the kids. They are making a strong effort to get along for the kids' sake. I applaud them for it. Doris compliments Stephanie on her outfit. Later, after Stephanie leaves, Doris asks, "Wasn't that a tacky outfit?"

We sit down to dinner. So far, no fireworks, no yelling. Everyone seems sober. Sly carves the turkey. As we start to eat, he says, "You know, I never have liked the white meat. Too dry. No flavor. I've always preferred the dark meat."

Stephanie and I look at each other across the table and our jaws drop in disbelief.

In which Sly gets mad about the white meat

Overall disclaimer for this story and all other posts: This happened over two years ago. I may not remember the facts exactly, but what I present here is close enough to true.

Christmas 2007. I discover that xanax does not work for me. Maybe I didn't take enough. Who knows? Vicodin didn't do much, either. But I digress. I do that a lot.

Primo and I are spending Christmas with Sly and Doris. It is the last holiday we will spend with them. Once we marry, we will spend our holidays together, in our home. Sly and Doris do not know this. They will not be happy with the news. Actually, we have not exactly broken it to them yet. We just aren't going to their place. Maybe they are figuring it out.

Christmas dinner. Sly has ordered the grandchildren (Jack and Stephanie's kids*), Michael, Maria, and Pia, to serve themselves first from the platters in the kitchen. They fill their plates.

Sly notices the kids have chosen only white meat from the turkey platter. He yells at Stephanie. When Sly was a kid, there is no way he could have gotten away with such nonsense! How dare they take only white meat! How DARE they! How can Stephanie be such a bad mother?

For the record, let me note that this was a huge turkey and there was still plenty of white meat left for everyone to have as much white meat as they wanted and there still to be enough for sandwiches the next day.

Stephanie says that's it, I am not taking this crap, I am leaving. She gets her coat and walks out the door.

Sly goes into his office in a huff.

Jack and Primo go after Sly, imploring him to apologize to Stephanie. This may be the last holiday supper everyone is together. Jack is about to file for divorce.** Everyone would like the kids to have this holiday with both parents.

I go out and offer Stephanie some xanax. She has her own drugs, she tells me.

Eventually, everyone returns to the table and we eat. Sly seems oblivious to the tension. I talk to Stephanie and Primo and the kids and count the hours until we leave.

* These kids are the nicest kids in the world. Mostly very well mannered and sweet. Overall, nothing to complain about as far as kids go.

** I do not know if Stephanie knew this was about to happen. I was quite uncomfortable that I was in possession of this information. I didn't think it was any of my business.