Monday, November 30, 2015

In which Sam advises Primo to tell Ted to go to heck

Primo is so angry at Ted's email demanding information about the trust and the will that he is talking to his best friend, Sam, who is a lawyer. Sam is telling Primo that he should tell Ted that Primo cannot give legal advice and if he wants to talk to someone about the will and the trust, he should get a lawyer.

Last night, we figured out the discouraging news that the IRA is taxable. So nobody is quitting a job for sure with our new-found wealth.

And now Sam is advising Primo to resign as trustee immediately.

Primo's dad made him a joint owner of a savings account before he died.
The trust mentions that account
Does Primo get to keep the money?
Or does it go to the trust?
That account is specifically mentioned as a joint asset of Sly  and Doris that is to be considered as part of the trust
and Ted, as usual, is being an asshole
he is demanding a conference call this week
about how the trust works
and how the expenses work
and how the contents of the house will be disposed of
he told Primo to write a will
he wants to talk about a letter Sly wrote in 2005

I am looking at the trust agreement. There may be a conflict between the trust agreement, and how the account passes by operation of Florida law, which might establish that Primo would take ownership as a joint owner. This is something the lawyer should probably tell you. Because Ted is not a beneficiary under the Will, he really has no right to have Primo tell him anything.

Primo should not give him advice on how the trust or will works. Nor would any estate lawyer advise him on that, because his duties are solely to the estate. So Ted needs to get his own lawyer if he wants to ask questions and get answers. If Primo wants to talk about this, have him give me a call. I'm at home, & I hate long Facebook messages.

OK - just showed this to Primo. Thank you so much.
We just now got the email from Ted and are both fuming.
The man has filmed brain surgery. Surely he can interpret a legal document.

It may also depend on exactly how the bank account is titled. If it is joint tenancy with right of survivorship, he may actually have precedence over the trust. However I would generally expect the trust to prevail. The estate lawyer can tell you this pretty easily because I'm sure it has happened before.

If I were Primo, I would write back saying quote I am NOT a lawyer, & I am not in a position to give you legal advice about how the Trust works, or any interpretation.

All the more reason for Primo not to serve as trustee for the grandchildren. If Ted wants to screw up the grandchildren by pressing the trustee, that should be on him and not on Primo. Or on a successor trustee

In which Reagan is shot and Ted says he is in charge

Ted is making us crazy. We are still on vacation but he has sent Primo and Jack an email with the agenda for a phone call this week.

1. We are still on vacation.
2. Even if we weren't, Primo would not want to talk to Ted.
3. The issues Ted wants to cover are irrelevant to Ted -
a. What's in the trust
b. What Sly wrote in 2005
c. What kind of expenses Primo can charge to the trust

I suggested to Primo that he tell Ted that if he wants to understand the will and the trust that he should consult a lawyer.

Ted also wants to talk about the disposition of the contents of the house. If he wants to be in charge of cleaning out the house and getting it ready for sale, he is welcome to it.

We. Are. On. Vacation.

Ted. Is. Not. In. Charge.

Friday, November 27, 2015

In which Doris and Sly draft an email complaining about Stephanie and me and save it on Doris' computer but they do send the email because I remember when Primo got it

This is the email that was on Doris' computer:

I know that somehow Goldie and Stephanie correspond and have a relationship.  But I don’t understand why, because they have absolutely nothing in common unless it is gossip about our family.  Goldie, by so coldly rejecting me and your mother, made it clear that she doesn’t want to be part of our family.  Please let her know that you don’t want to hear any of the gossip she gets from Stephanie about our family.
Stephanie is our daughter-in-law and the mother of our grandchildren, so we have to get along with her even when we disagree—sometimes strongly—with some of the things she does, especially with the children.  I don’t know if she can bring it off this year with [her youngest child], but she has ALWAYS had the children on the dole for free food at school, which here, anyway, includes breakfast.  The program, of course, is for children who live in poverty, which certainly does not describe their household.*
The main reason we have been unable to penetrate the cocoon they live in has always been how closely Stephanie ties them to her apron strings.  Consequently, the children, particularly the girls, depend on her for everything.  They have never yet taken any kind of pill (medication)--another way for Stephanie to control them.

No one from Stephanie's family—and apparently, none of her “girlfriends”—had gone to college before Michael and Maria, and Stephanie doesn’t know how to deal with that.  Maria needs to have an opportunity to learn how to be independent; even Michael criticizes her for her lack of independence.  Stephanie was aware that Maria's friend drove home every other weekend, so there was no need for Stephanie to go to visit her (the money is a factor to us, but not the only one).  As long as Stephanie has lived here, she has always driven fairly long distances very often, as if gas is free.  Recall that she had already exceeded the mileage warranty on the Mazda van before the month was up, and the place where she bought it was initially not going to honor the warranty when she took it in for whatever problem it had.  I don’t know if Stephanie knew that Maria was coming home this weekend.

Doris: re Stephanie driving long distances: for frivolous reasons.  She often travels to [out of town] stores to select clothing items and other “bargains.” How she paid for Maria's Junior and Senior Prom gowns, I’ll never know. Stephanie also seems to have eaten at every restaurant in the area (except for the very highest priced ones).  From the outside, the kids have enjoyed all the luxuries associated with upper middle class to affluent families.
Remember that before the kids were working part time, she often paid for movie-going at $20ea. She is a true shop-aholic and appears to have no self control about her buying mania.***  
Maria had only been gone 5 weeks before Stephanie visited, which required a hotel and gas for 520 miles, plus the shoppin’ for other of Maria's needs/wants.  She had also prepared food to put in Maria's freezer (meatballs, etc.).**

* I don't even know if that's true. But if it is true, then I want to know how Stephanie ripped off the school district. Oh wait. You have to show tax documents? Then I am guessing that if the kids were on free lunch, it was because Stephanie met the income requirements and nobody else in the family said, "Hey! We can afford to buy lunch for our own children! We will not participate!"

** What a BAD MOTHER - to visit her child in college and take her food?

*** And yet Stephanie has always worked, always paid her own way, and has bought a house since her divorce. She helped her children as much as she could for college. She never asked Sly and Doris for anything. I doubt that she is the spendthrift Sly and Doris claimed, because I know how much she makes and I know she just didn't have the cash. 

In which I snoop on Doris' computer and I know it's wrong but I can't stop myself

You guys, Primo and I are on vacation. It is lovely - I am sitting here in a cottage on a big lake and hear nothing but the waves crashing on the shore. At night, we can hear the loons. Primo and I have been playing tennis and eating and reading and sleeping and that's about it. Primo has been doing all the cooking and all the cleaning (did I mention that already?) and that is fine with me.

We used to not bring our computers. I didn't bring mine - Primo asked if I was going to bring my work computer and I said no way because

1. I am on vacation
2. Even though I really like my job, my boss, and my co-workers, I do not want to be reminded of work while I am on vacation
3. If I had my work computer here, I wouldn't be able to resist checking my work email (which I could do from any computer via the mobile login, but I just got a new password and I have forgotten it) and working on the cool projects I am doing

I have been using Doris' MacBook. Primo brought it home from Florida because it has a lot of Sly and Doris' financial information on it. It is tiny and nice except it is a Mac and I cannot find the commands I already know - I don't care if it's easier! I do not want to learn a new system - and it is what I have been using to read my favorite blogs, including, as always, Ask A Manager, and also Privilege - I have met Lisa in person and she is just as fab in person as she is in print - and facebook and coveting this skirt but thinking no, I made a vow to go an entire year without buying new clothes because I work with almost all men and almost all engineers so nobody is looking at my clothes and, because despite what Ted's Wife says, we are not made of money. She did not say we were made of money, but she implied it when she said wasn't it soooo lucky that Primo is unemployed and that we are not financially strapped so Primo could be the one taking care of Sly?

Where was I?

Oh. I have been using Doris' MacBook.

And I had reason to save something to the hard drive and in the process of saving it, I noticed her files, including one that said, "Farewell letter," written several years ago, which I suspect might be a suicide note but I didn't open it because it is none of my business, but I did mention it to Primo and asked if he was going to open it and he said yes, so I will report on that when I have more information.

But then I noticed a file from several years ago named "Goldie and Stephanie" and - well, what would you have done?

I know it's not mine. Even though she's dead, Doris deserves her privacy.

But damn.

It was something about me and my sister in law.

Reader, I opened it.

And saw a complaint that Doris and Sly had emailed to Primo about why on earth was I friends with Stephanie? She and I have nothing in common - we are not intellectually compatible.

1. I remember when Primo told me about that email.
2. This is a Word document. Who drafts emails in Word? Who does that?

This appeared to be a document that both Sly and Doris wrote. In it, Sly said something about how I had "coldly rejected them."

Yeah, Sly. But only after you

1. Told your son not to marry me
2. Threatened to boycott my wedding and
3. Never said a thing after I had a miscarriage

He and Doris also complained to Primo that Stephanie was a liar - she lies about everything! - and he should be sure not to listen to anything Stephanie might say to me that I would then share with Primo.

These people - these people. I don't even know what to say. Except they are no longer a factor in my life.

Thursday, November 26, 2015

In which Primo abandons me to go canoeing by himself

Here is what my wonderful husband has done for me today:

He has left me alone at the cottage with nothing but the water, the sun, and my library books.

He is going canoeing by himself. He is not insisting that I go with him. He is leaving me by myself.

I love that man.

(Along those lines - last year, my sister was posting photos on facebook about her big birthday celebration weekend in Las Vegas. I commented that, Hey! How come I wasn't invited? She answered, "Because I know how much you hate crowds and too much togetherness." She knows me so well.)

Wednesday, November 25, 2015

In which Primo is very concerned about what will happen with Sly and Doris' cats and he is right to be concerned because old cats who bite people do not tend to find good homes

Primo is super concerned about Sly and Doris' cats and so am I. Those cats are not coming to our house - the one bites and scratches and the other has litter box problems - but it makes me angry that Sly did not have a plan.

Primo asked Sly years ago what would happen to the cats if Sly and Doris died first and Sly told Primo that he thought that Primo would take the cats.

Primo informed Sly this was not the case.

Sly did not make a plan.

When Primo and I did our will, after we got married (those of you with minor children, you do have a will, right? ALL of you need a will. All of you.), we wrote instructions to my sister, the executor, to send the cats back to the Siamese cat rescue place and give them a $3,000 donation.

Sly has abandoned his cats. Unforgivable.

A friend just posted something on facebook about kittens who need to be adopted or it's death for them. If people will not adopt cute little kittens, why would they adopt old cats who have problems?

Shaking my head at Sly's irresponsibility.

In which Ted sends Primo an email - while we are on vacation - demanding to have a conference call about the will and the trust because he is ticked off that Sly left him out of the will and the trust and thinks he can bully Primo into changing the terms or something

Primo: Ted wrote today that he, Jack, and I need to have a conference call. 

Me: About what?

Primo: I don't know.

Me: But you're on vacation.

Primo: I know. Ted wants to run things.

Me: OK. But just because he wants a call does not mean you have to take it.

Primo: He can email me a list of things he wants to talk about.

Me: And then you can talk about them during the funeral weekend.

Primo: Ted says that weekend should be reserved for mourning.

Me: Ted is a jerk.