Sunday, March 22, 2015

In which Primo finally quits his job and there is some blowback

Primo: Would you cut a pear for me?

Me: Nope.

Primo: Why not?

Me: Because I don't want to. Cut it up yourself.

Primo: But you're really good at cutting pears!

Me: Yeah, well, you're really good at making money. But you're not doing that any more, are you?

Primo: I had to have a break.

Me: Well, I am taking a break from cutting up fruit. If you want to go back to work, I will go back to cutting up pears.

Thursday, March 12, 2015

In which Primo goes to visit Sly and Doris even though it is in the middle of the campaign - not because they threatened (again) to disinherit him but because Doris is not eating and Primo is worried she might die soon

Primo has decided to quit his job (did I tell you that?) and his last day is soon but he spoke to Sly and Doris and Doris is sick. She has lost about ten pounds - she is already thin - because she isn't eating - she drinks, instead - and she has diarrhea. Primo is worried, so even though it's only a month until the election and he had not planned to visit them again for at least eight months, he is going.

He is also going to take a steak - "My dad says that the steaks at their store are bad" - to which I say, "Your dad is never happy with anything. Has he considered that perhaps he is the X in the equation?"

The last time Primo took a steak, it did not end well. Primo took one of our Good Steaks with him, going through a lot of effort to get it there, and arguing that I was wrong, that they would appreciate it, and that he should make the effort to take one of our limited-supply steaks for people who are heavy drinkers and former smokers and who therefore have no taste buds left at all.

I don't think we should go through any effort at all for Sly and Doris, as they never appreciate it and as they really don't deserve it. Who wants to do nice things for mean people?

But Primo took a Good Steak and he grilled it for them and they ate it and they said that it was not all that.

We have served the Good Steaks to many of our friends and everyone has always raved. Maybe our friends are liars but are just nice, but even if that's the case, our friends cared enough about Primo's feelings to lie.

Sly and Doris think so little of Primo's feelings that they did not even say, "Wow, Son, thank you for going through such great effort to get a steak halfway across the country just for us. We sure are lucky to have a son who loves us so much that he does nice things like that."

So I advised him not to take a steak again but he will anyhow, although at least this time he just bought a steak at the grocery store and will not waste one of our Good Steaks on ingrates.

He plans to talk to them about their plans, which, if you will remember, have in the past been that Primo would take care of them. That has never been Primo's plan. Or mine.

Sunday, March 8, 2015

In which Primo maintains that politics is not a hobby and I say that it is

I say that politics is definitely a hobby when it comes to determining who is responsible for doing the housework, especially if the party of the first part - Primo - is going to quit his perfectly good job to campaign, leaving the party of the second part - me - to earn all the money in the house.

He gets all indignant when I say that politics is a hobby and that he, as the stay at home spouse, will be in charge of cleaning the bathroom and doing the laundry and washing the kitchen floor and buying the food and making supper.

He gets all huffy and says that politics is Important and it's a Cause and I say it's all bullshit and all I want the government to do is make sure the roads and schools are good and to stay out of my life unless it is going to clean my house.

I say unless your cause comes with dental and a 401k, it's a hobby.

Thursday, March 5, 2015

In which Primo and I conduct an analysis of all the time that was wasted because he went to a forum presented by the League of Concerned Women

1. Primo had to drive me to work the morning of the forum because it was raining and I couldn't ride my bike. It took him 30 minutes to take me there and 30 minutes to get home.

2. I had to take the bus home instead of driving myself or riding my bike. Because the bus runs only every two hours by my new office, I had to stay at work an hour late.

3. Primo had to drive 47 miles to get to the forum.

4. But first he had to spend the day doing research on issues he might need to address. People who don't have People to do their research and prep work and People who have real jobs don't just know all this stuff by heart: they have to read and read and read and that means they don't get their paying work done which means they stay up late or work on weekends.

5. Once he got to the forum, the Concerned Women told him that because his opponent had not appeared, Primo would not be allowed to answer any questions. But yes please he could stay for the two hours of the forum.

6. Primo drove 47 miles home.

Total hours lost:

1. 30 minutes plus 30 minutes
2. One hour plus the time I had to wait for the bus plus the time walking home from the bus stop
3. One hour
4. Four hours
5. Two hours
6. One hour

Total hours lost: At least ten.

Thank you, League of Concerned Women. We will not be doing business with you again.

Sunday, March 1, 2015

In which Primo gets all teary and lovey dovey because I agreed that he could quit his job

Primo called Sam to tell him he was quitting his job to be a full time politician. Sam was not as excited about this as Primo was. Sam and I are of one mind about this, but if we can afford it, I cannot in fairness say that Primo should not get a shot at a career change. I've sure done it. I have had adventures, but then, I did not make an ill-advised marriage at the age of 24.

Primo and I have done the numbers. We have looked at our savings and my salary. We have made spreadsheets and argued and I have been dramatic BECAUSE I LIKE HAVING MONEY. We have done more analysis about this decision than Sly and Doris ever did before giving $280,000 - yes, you read that right - to Jack to start his restaurant. Everyone knows that one of the best investments EVAH is a restaurant! Nobody ever loses money on a restaurant!

Primo comes downstairs from talking to Sam. I know he was talking to him because he has a special Talking To My Best Friend Voice. He always sounds happy when he is talking to Sam. They have been best friends since almost the first days of college. Sam is the only person I know who Primo is never mad at. Well, there were those times in college when Sam was - ahem - sleeping with the girl Primo liked, but now that that woman is on husband #3, Primo has realized that perhaps he dodged a bullet.

Primo comes downstairs and finds me in the bedroom, where I am sitting on the bed reading. He throws himself facedown onto the mattress, hugs my legs, and says, "You are the only person who has ever given me a chance to pursue my dreams. You are the only person who has been willing to support me. Bertha, my parents - they all want me to take care of them. You are the only person who has ever done this for me. I am so lucky to be married to you and I am so grateful."

So that was nice.

Thursday, February 26, 2015

In which Primo finally has coffee with that kid who wants to run for county government in the same district where Primo wants to run

We already knew that the kid wasn't going to run.

Wait. He's not a kid. He's 23. When I was 23, I had been out of college for two years already. I had found and rented my own apartments several times already. Moved myself from Big City 1 to Medium Sized City 2. Made my own doctor appointments. Done my own laundry. Gotten my own renters insurance. Made my own will. (Oh yes I had a will.)

Twenty three is not kid.

So this young man - we will have to give him a name, but not yet because I have to think of a name I will actually remember. I can never remember what I have called people here.

This young man, we had heard from Very Connected Person, was not going to run.

But he still wanted to meet with Primo. I guess he didn't know that Primo knew he wasn't going to run and I guess he didn't think he could just tell him over the phone or send him an email. Both of those means are so last century.

Instead, he wanted to meet in person, which made me roll my eyes because good grief doesn't he know Primo has a job? (At least for now he has a job.) And that people with jobs cannot be dropping everything to go meet someone for coffee. That is not how things work.

Reader, prepare yourself. There is a plot twist ahead.

Not only does this young man not intend to run against Primo - he wants to run Primo's campaign.

Yes. He is bowing out of the race but wants to help Primo win.

Sunday, February 22, 2015

In which Primo talks to Sly and Doris and they are really negative about his running for the county government and really negative about me

Primo called Sly and Doris today to make up for the not calling them on Sunday of Labor Day weekend when they felt Abandoned and were Worried That He Was Dead.

Doris was despondent. Sly told Primo that Doris was upset that Primo had not properly thanked her for getting him some information on mental health charities.

"But you thanked her, right?"

"Of course I did!" he said.

"So she just doesn't like how you thanked her?"

He sighed. "Apparently, it wasn't the proper kind of thanks."

Then Primo spoke to Doris directly. She was still despondent

She doesn't know why Primo is bothering to run - or to consider running - for county government. "You won't be able to change anything," she said.

He rolled his eyes. "Nice that they support me, right?"

She says I will become bitter and resentful about having to support Primo financially.

"Well of course I will!" I told Primo cheerfully. "I am already bitter and resentful!"

"She thinks you won't support me," he said.

"Well, I won't. I hate the idea. It's scary. I don't want you to quit your job. But we have discussed it and looked at the money and you have talked to other people and it's going to happen and they need to get with the program."

Doris said that I am bitter and resentful that Primo does not share my interest in gardening - I wrote her a letter and mentioned that Primo doesn't really care about the vegetable garden, which he does and do I care? no - and asked but what about the part how Primo and I do not agree on politics?

"I know!" I said. "You and I don't agree!"

"She thinks our marriage is going to break up," he said.

"You'd think she'd be happy to finally have that happy thought in her head."

"Yes, but if I quit my job and you are working, then you can't be a gold digger any more and it changes everything."

I gasped. Primo was right. He had put his finger on the whole issue. What will they complain about now if I am not a gold digger?

I guess they always have my bacon eating habits.