Friday, August 26, 2016

In which Ted sends an email to Primo wishing him happy birthday and thanking him for sending some money and I roll my eyes because I KNOW IT'S ALL PART OF THE PLAN

It's Primo's birthday.

I have known Primo for over ten years.

Each year, we have celebrated his birthday.

Each year since my mother has met Primo, she has sent him a card. Once we married, she started sending him $100, which I have asked her not to do as I want her to spend her money on herself, not on Primo and me. But my mom maintains that I am not the boss of her and if she wants to send Primo a birthday check, she can I cannot stop her. So we accept it and go out for a nice dinner and tell her what we had and everything is lovely.

I can't remember what Sly and Doris did for Primo's birthday. Oh! Yes I can! Remember the year of Doris adopting endangered species on Primo's behalf!

I re-read the comments and the consensus was that at least the money went to charity, WHICH I DO NOT CARE ABOUT - I CHOOSE MY OWN CHARITABLE CONTRIBUTIONS - but the better point was, "It's not like they are ever going to send you guys what you want anyhow and this doesn't have to be dusted."

So. You guys are right and I was wrong.

My sister and my brother always send Primo a facebook message on his birthday. Stephanie sends him a note. Primo's two stepdaughters send him a note.

This is what has been going on for the past ten years.

Never, not once, I don't think, in the time that I have known Primo, has Ted ever sent Primo a happy birthday note.

Which is fine. Honestly. It's not required. It doesn't make someone a bad person if he does not acknowledge your birthday.


When someone, who, in this case, is Ted, acknowledges your birthday for the first time in ten years and the email is one of a series of emails asking for money, it does give one pause, doesn't it?

Thursday, August 25, 2016

In which I consider carefully the thoughtful comments you all left and decide not to say "Hey!" to the high school boyfriend who ditched me right before the prom

Because really, what's to be gained? We were never friends - we were the kissing version of f*** buddies.

[I know. I am sort of a prude. I am still halfway worried that my mom will read this blog and shake her head in disappointment.]

But Ken and I kissed and kissed and kissed and it was very very good kissing.

But we didn't talk much, probably because we didn't have much to talk about.

Which is OK when you are 14. I would rather have been kissing than talking.

We were never friends. There is no friendship to be regained.

It's unlike with Keith, my other high school boyfriend, the one with whom I didn't spend time necking. We kissed only once.

Why? you ask.

Because it turned out that Keith is gay and there is only so much faking a person can do, even when he is not quite sure of things.

We didn't kiss but we talked and we were friends and he hung out at my house and talked to my mom so when I saw him on facebook, I did not hesitate to say hi! and now we are friends and when he has come through town (he is a commercial airline pilot), we have gone out to eat and when we were in Austin, we went out to eat with him.

So - the rules for contacting old boyfriends:

1. They actually have to have been friends
2. They cannot have been jerks.
3. I cannot have been a jerk to them.

Number two rules out the guy from grad school who turned out to be a jerk. Yes, I have googlestalked him, but only because I have this morbid curiosity. I don't ever want to see him again or talk to him again. I do not want him in my life. Shudder.

However. I would be pretty happy, I think, to have my college boyfriend back in my life. I just don't think he would want me in his. I was not kind to him when we broke up. Was I a jerk to him? I don't think I was. I hope I wasn't. I don't know. How do you break up kindly with someone? I didn't want to be mean, but I didn't want to marry him after all. It was not comfortable and he called me for months afterwards, late, late at night, upset, wanting to talk because who else do you talk to about heartbreak except your best friend, which is what we were.

And then I took that from him - and from myself.

He has never come to a college reunion. He married one of my roommates but I haven't kept in touch with her, either.

I have seen him on facebook. I hope he's happy. He has kids. I have looked at his children's photos and youtube postings and wondered if we would have had kids like that. They look nice. They look sweet and happy and they clearly love their dad. I wonder what I missed with him.

I did notice that he looked at my LinkedIn profile a few weeks ago. I have to admit that made me really happy - that maybe he hasn't forgotten about me and maybe doesn't hate me. I don't want him to hate me. I just want him to have a good life.

In which the hospital sends Primo another bill for his mom's care, even though she has been dead for FIFTY ONE WEEKS

Yes. That happened. Primo got a bill for something with his mom.

Not an overdue bill. Not a second or third or fourth request.

A first-time bill.

Doris died almost exactly 51 weeks ago.

Do you think the hospital could have gotten their crap together by now? Or Medicare? Maybe the hospital sent the claim to Medicare and it took Medicare this long to make a decision.

People. We have an estate to settle. WE WANT TO BE DONE.

Primo cannot close the estate until the bills are paid. Honestly.

Thank you again Sly for giving Primo the honor of being the executor of this estate.

Readers, heed this. Primo did not think it would be this much work to settle the estate. He is super conscientious and responsible (hello adult children of alcoholics! super responsible people who will take care of everyone around them so they make fabulous customer service employees for a business with angry, hostile customers) and did not want lawyer fees to eat up the estate, even though none of it went to him.

It is a ton of work. If you are an executor, make sure

1. that you can be paid the fee
2. that you dump it off on a lawyer if possible because do you really want to spend hundreds of hours dealing with crap that your parents should have dealt with?

Primo and I were at my mom's last week and we talked about all of this stuff with her. My mom, who is a very healthy 73 years old and who has a good 20 years in her yet (I hope), has already written a financial POA for me, a medical POA for my sister, and has been throwing out old stuff in her house, things like sewing patterns from the 1970s that she is not going to use again. She even finally gave away my dad's clothes - he died 18 years ago.

We talked about what she wanted when she can't take care of herself anymore. She didn't get angry or insulted. She didn't refuse to talk about it.

I hope you guys have parents like my mom, who are rational, and who care about minimizing the mess they might leave behind, and not parents like Sly and Doris, who clearly did not give a sh@t about how much work they were causing for Primo.

Tuesday, August 23, 2016

In which the guy who dumped me right before the prom comments on the facebook post of an apparently mutual friend and I wonder what to do

as I have not spoken to Ken since high school.

I have stalked him, but not spoken to him. Or written to him. Or seen anything written by him.

But it appears he is also a friend of my friend Slim from high school and I commented on something Slim posted this morning and then Ken did and I got the alert that someone else had posted and I wondered what should I do?

Y'all - this is a real-time post. I am writing this on August 23. Should I say, "Hey!" to Ken? "Hey! How you doing? Do you remember that you dumped me right before the prom?"


PS Please tell me I am not the only one who googles old boyfriends. I just want to know how the story ends!

Sunday, August 21, 2016

In which my mom, my aunt, and my uncle are mean to Primo


Primo and I went to visit my mother for Mothers Day. We were there for five days? Something like that. He. Was. Amazing.


Primo is so, so sweet to my mother. He listens to her - she is worse than I am about adding extraneous details to a story. He washes the dishes her way. He stops using the Hand Towel for dishes and switches to the Dish Towel without argument when she points out his error.

He grilled vegetables for her. He grilled salmon for her. He made her omelettes. He is the sweetest man in the world to my mother.

He was also very kind to my aunt and uncle and listened to my uncle's many, many stories about escaping from the Russians in WWII. (My uncle was born in Prussia and his dad was in WWII on the Other Side.) Of course, my uncle's stories are fascinating, but they might not be as interesting to Primo as they are to someone who has known her uncle since she was nine.

Me: You are so wonderful to my mom. Thank you.

Primo: It's easy. Your family is always really nice to me.

Me: My family loves you.

Primo: My parents always treated you so well.




Primo and me: HAHAHAHAHA!!!!

Saturday, August 20, 2016

In which my mom knows that Primo is the one who took the booze back downstairs after we excavated

"That's my son in law," she said. "The bottles are lined up neatly with the clear liquids on the left and the opaque liquids on the right."

The three bottles bunched up at the far end were placed there my mom, not Primo. Just in case it's not obvious.

In which Primo thought that just because there was no chocolate in my mom's kitchen, there was no chocolate in her house

He didn't know that you just have to go into the basement and into the closet containing the Christmas wreaths, the candles, and the canned goods, and look in every single Tupperware container - beans, flour, sugar, crackers, marshmallows, grains - until you find the one on the very bottom shelf that has chocolate chips.

My mother never has been able to hide chocolate for me. I know how to do a Proper Search.