Primo just got back from a week with Sly and Doris. Here are the snippets of gossip from our pillow talk last night.
1. Sly and Doris are still mad at Ted's wife from the last time she visited. Apparently, she ate all the pickled herring.
2. Ted's wife also left dinner early and returned to the home of the friend where she and Ted were staying. Ted and his wife are smart enough not to stay with Sly and Doris. Then TW never went back to Sly and Doris'. Can you see why she is so awful?
3. Sly told Primo that there were so many women who threw themselves at him but he turned them all down. There was even a man who offered to trade wives with him, because the man's wife was so hot for Sly.
4. Sly and Doris are still mad at me for eating something I was not supposed to eat. It has been four years at least since my last trip there.
Me: What was the food I was not supposed to eat?
Primo: I don't know.
Me: I wonder what it could have been, since you and I have to take a lot of our own food with us.
Primo: Can't remember.
Me: Did I know I wasn't supposed to eat it?
Primo: I don't know, but if you didn't know, you should have known.
5. The cat has had fleas before. You know - the cat who does not go outside. The cat has had fleas before and has been treated before with the $140 treatment from the vet, but it did not occur to Sly and Doris that perhaps they should do something to prevent the cat from getting fleas again.
6. Sly and Doris still do not have a plan.
7. Primo asked if I wanted a relationship with Sly and I said no way. The only reason I would go to Sly's funeral would be to be sure he was dead. Primo and I agreed that Sly's funeral will not be well attended. About five of my dad's friends bought last-minute tickets to go to his funeral. My dad's funeral was packed, even though he had not lived in his hometown, which is where he is buried, for 45 years.
8. Sly told Primo that he was so glad that Primo and Ted and Jack had not had to be in the military the way Sly was. He continued that of course, the military would not have taken any of them - Ted and Jack have asthma and Primo has flat feet.
Me: You have flat feet?
Primo: No!
Me: But your dad says you do.
Primo: My dad thinks I have flat feet. He's wrong.
9. Primo was with Sly and Doris for a week. It is a month since the election. He has quit his job. It was not until Primo's last day with them that Sly asked Primo what he was going to do now with his life. The last day.
10. Sly: Primo, have you ever seen "Deep Throat?"
Primo: What?!
Sly: Your mother and I watched it.
Primo [TMI]
11. Primo brought home a bunch of huge ziplock bags, the gallon sized. We used to have one that we had saved from somewhere but then there was something appealing in it - maybe peaches? - and one of the cats ate the corner off it so it did not serve its primary function as a sealed food storage device any more. We missed that bag. Sure, we could have bought some, but that seems like cheating.
Do you remember how Sly and Doris, the huge environmentalists - the ones who adopted a manatee, a Florida panther, and a sea turtle for Primo for Christmas a few years ago, were shocked that we use cloth napkins at our house and that we wash and re-use ziplock bags?
Oh don't you be shocked. We don't use them for raw meat. We put cheese and vegetables in them and they are very easy to wash and re-use and it is pure wasteful to throw them out after one use.
But Sly and Doris - who are soooo superior because They Care About the Environment - they use paper napkins and throw away their ziplocks after they have used them once. Primo diverted the gallon bags from the trash and brought them home. Ha.
12. Sly read Elizabeth Warren's book. He said that she might have had a bad childhood, but his was worse. Sly. The bride at every wedding, the corpse at every funeral.
Saturday, June 13, 2015
Thursday, June 11, 2015
In which I learn to temper my responses because sometimes the truth is not a good idea
Primo: So my dad may have this new kind of knee replacement where they can do both knees at once and he would be walking again in two days.
What I wanted to say: How can your parents, as committed socialists who are old and in poor health, justify using scarce medical resources? Is health care rationing just for other people?
What I said: Well that would be good. They wouldn't need that much help post surgery.
Primo: I keep asking my mom to stop drinking but she won't.
What I wanted to say: If you lived with your dad, wouldn't you drink, too?
What I said: I'm sorry. That has to be really hard for you.
Primo: They are actually considering getting someone to live in.
What I wanted to say: Yeah. I've only been suggesting that for five years now.
What I said: That would be a great solution to their problem. I hope they find someone.
Primo: Stephanie called. My mom and dad have nothing nice to say about her. They say she is not helpful at all.
What I wanted to say and what I did say: What reason did they ever give her when they still had a legal family relationship with her for her to be loving, loyal, and nice to them? They have been nothing but mean about her and to her.
Tuesday, June 9, 2015
In which the hip hop crazy don't stop even when I think I have heard it all
So Primo had to fly to Sly and Doris' on Sunday because Sly was supposed to have surgery this week and Doris cannot manage on her own.
[Which is why they need to be in a retirement community. The back up plan cannot be that Primo drops everything to take care of them. This is the second trip in three months.]
Only on Wednesday, the doctor said oh never mind Sly does not need surgery after all.
In the meantime, Primo is trying to talk to Sly and Doris about their plans and their finances and where is all their paperwork -
[I have a copy of my mom's will, of which I am executor. She asked me to execute her will as a favor. Sly bestowed the responsibility on Primo, telling him it was an honor. I have a key to my mom's safe-deposit box. I have a copy of her medical power of attorney, which grants the power to my sister, who is a nurse practitioner. I know where my mom's paperwork is. I know what the password is on her computer. I am on her bank accounts. My mom rocks. She is prepared.]
- and what are their plans? WHAT ARE THEIR PLANS?
Oh there is a retirement community they think they might like, but they have not had time to visit it yet, what with all their aches and pains and illnesses. But when they are healthier, they will check it out. Really.
Primo has been asking his parents if their every other week cleaning lady would come more often. If she would cook. Do grocery shopping. They don't know. They have never asked her.
The cleaning lady came today, after Doris insisted that Primo help her clean the house in advance of the cleaning lady's arrival.
Oh sure she could come more often. Sure she could cook, she answered when Primo asked her.
But, she suggested, wouldn't it be better if Sly and Doris had someone living in?
Then Primo informed me that one of his parents cats - Lucy - has fleas. "It took the vet a second to spot them," Primo said.
"They don't treat the cats for fleas?" I asked.
"They actually say that the cats don't go outside because they 'only' go on the screened porch. They have not had regular flea treatments."
Let me explain this to you guys.
Sly and Doris live in the southern part of the US, in a place where it does not get cold enough in the winter to kill fleas. They have a big screened-in patio behind their house. They leave the patio door open all the time and the cats wander in and out of the patio. The patio is attached to the house, but it does not have solid walls. It has screens. Screens let you have most of the advantages of being outside without most of the disadvantages, like mosquitos, although if you are like Sly and Doris, there are huge tears in your screen and you save them for the times your son visits so he has something to do. If there is anything Primo hates, it is relaxing. He would much rather be doing house repairs than almost anything else.
A screen can do amazing things but one thing it cannot do is keep fleas out of a space.
Although perhaps I am wrong. Perhaps the lowly screen can prevent fleas from entering. After all, it is Sly, not I, who is the Smartest Person in the Room.
Yet if that is the case, why does Lucy have fleas?
I don't care if she has fleas. I mean, I care for her sake - she is just an innocent animal, but I don't care if Sly and Doris have fleas.
I don't care if Sly and Doris have fleas in their house.
What I do care about is the possibility that Primo now has fleas in his clothes and in his luggage and once again, Sly and Doris have reached from thousands of miles away to cause drama and hassle in MY LIFE. Their failure to act - a constant theme with them - now means that as soon as Primo is home, we have to wash all of his clothes and isolate his luggage so the fleas do not come into OUR house.
[Which is why they need to be in a retirement community. The back up plan cannot be that Primo drops everything to take care of them. This is the second trip in three months.]
Only on Wednesday, the doctor said oh never mind Sly does not need surgery after all.
In the meantime, Primo is trying to talk to Sly and Doris about their plans and their finances and where is all their paperwork -
[I have a copy of my mom's will, of which I am executor. She asked me to execute her will as a favor. Sly bestowed the responsibility on Primo, telling him it was an honor. I have a key to my mom's safe-deposit box. I have a copy of her medical power of attorney, which grants the power to my sister, who is a nurse practitioner. I know where my mom's paperwork is. I know what the password is on her computer. I am on her bank accounts. My mom rocks. She is prepared.]
- and what are their plans? WHAT ARE THEIR PLANS?
Oh there is a retirement community they think they might like, but they have not had time to visit it yet, what with all their aches and pains and illnesses. But when they are healthier, they will check it out. Really.
Primo has been asking his parents if their every other week cleaning lady would come more often. If she would cook. Do grocery shopping. They don't know. They have never asked her.
The cleaning lady came today, after Doris insisted that Primo help her clean the house in advance of the cleaning lady's arrival.
Oh sure she could come more often. Sure she could cook, she answered when Primo asked her.
But, she suggested, wouldn't it be better if Sly and Doris had someone living in?
- But with a live-in, you really have to get the right person.
8:15am
Then Primo informed me that one of his parents cats - Lucy - has fleas. "It took the vet a second to spot them," Primo said.
"They don't treat the cats for fleas?" I asked.
"They actually say that the cats don't go outside because they 'only' go on the screened porch. They have not had regular flea treatments."
Let me explain this to you guys.
Sly and Doris live in the southern part of the US, in a place where it does not get cold enough in the winter to kill fleas. They have a big screened-in patio behind their house. They leave the patio door open all the time and the cats wander in and out of the patio. The patio is attached to the house, but it does not have solid walls. It has screens. Screens let you have most of the advantages of being outside without most of the disadvantages, like mosquitos, although if you are like Sly and Doris, there are huge tears in your screen and you save them for the times your son visits so he has something to do. If there is anything Primo hates, it is relaxing. He would much rather be doing house repairs than almost anything else.
A screen can do amazing things but one thing it cannot do is keep fleas out of a space.
Although perhaps I am wrong. Perhaps the lowly screen can prevent fleas from entering. After all, it is Sly, not I, who is the Smartest Person in the Room.
Yet if that is the case, why does Lucy have fleas?
I don't care if she has fleas. I mean, I care for her sake - she is just an innocent animal, but I don't care if Sly and Doris have fleas.
I don't care if Sly and Doris have fleas in their house.
What I do care about is the possibility that Primo now has fleas in his clothes and in his luggage and once again, Sly and Doris have reached from thousands of miles away to cause drama and hassle in MY LIFE. Their failure to act - a constant theme with them - now means that as soon as Primo is home, we have to wash all of his clothes and isolate his luggage so the fleas do not come into OUR house.
Sunday, June 7, 2015
In which Primo goes to his mom and dad's again for another medical issue - the second trip in two months
Primo is at his mom and dad's again. His dad needs gall bladder surgery. I didn't think Primo had quit his job to spend his time flying back and forth to his parents' place. If they were going to consume his time, he could have kept the job and taken FLMA and kept his benefits.
I don't see how this ends well.
Day 1
It's really bad here. Messy and dirty. My mom had eaten almost nothing today and was tipsy. It appears that they eat only takeout and microwaveable foods other than simple stuff like sandwiches, English muffins, and eggs.
Day 2
I don't see how this ends well.
Day 1
It's really bad here. Messy and dirty. My mom had eaten almost nothing today and was tipsy. It appears that they eat only takeout and microwaveable foods other than simple stuff like sandwiches, English muffins, and eggs.
I mentioned that they need to look into Meals on Wheels, and my dad said they've been so busy with doctor's appointments, etc. that they don't have time.
The cats have some kind of skin problem (itching, patchy hair loss).
I'm cranky.
It seems that my mom has lost the will to take care of herself. She needs someone to take care of her, and this week my dad can't do it.
Day 2
- any luck in having serious conversations with them?
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