1. I have been working at home all week, so I have not been bothering to shower much
2. It's a Friday after I have been working all week on projects where almost nobody is available- I stupidly tried to have a meeting with
- an Italian
- on his Friday afternoon
- the week before Christmas
and that went about as well as you might have expected, which is, it didn't go at all. So I am frustrated because I have things to do but nobody is available so whatever.
3. I hate parties
4. I hate parties unless I already know the people there and already like them
5. I hate parties here in the winter because my choices are to look nice or to be warm and there is nowhere that these two options intersect. HELLO DESIGNERS! What happened to SLEEVES?
6. I want to work on my book and on this blog and on my other blog and on my Christmas letter.
I am here on the bed with the space heater turned to 11 and I am going to work on my book (which is work! Primo always asks why I write if it's work and I say because I like having written but the actual process can be excruciating.)
TED IS MAKING US CRAZY!!!
OK. Back to what I wanted to talk about.
I wanted to share this with you - it's the INS interview for marriage-based green card fraud.
I don't know if Primo and I could pass. Remember he is an engineer and strives for accuracy at all times.
I am a storyteller. My mission is to make it interesting. Plus I don't remember details.
Here are some of the questions we would never pass.
- When and where did you meet for the first time?
- Me: At our 20 year college reunion
- Primo: No! At our 15th!
- Me: I don't remember you.
- Primo: I was there!
- What did the two of you have in common?
- Me: Um. I thought he was hot but his political ideas made me roll me eyes.
- Primo: Nothing.
- Who proposed to whom?
- Me: Did you ever propose?
- Primo: Didn't you ask me?
- Did each of your parents attend the wedding?
- Me: Yes, but his wanted to boycott it.
- Primo: Yes. They were drunk.
- Did anyone get drunk or otherwise embarrass themselves at the wedding?
- Me: I see you have met my husband's parents.
- Have you met each other's parents? When was the last time you saw them?
- Me: At their funerals. I wanted to make sure.
- Do you buy gifts for your inlaws? Do they buy gifts for you?
- Me: Oh honey. Shall I tell you about the cast-iron cat?
- How do you get along with your inlaws?
- Me: Umm.
- Primo: Her mom is great.
- How many remote controls are in your house?
- Me: I have no idea.
- Primo: [counts in head and gets it right]
- Do you have a DVD player? What brand?
- Me: Does anyone really pay attention to that kind of thing?
- Primo: It's a [whatever]
- What kind of birth control do you use? Which brand?
- Me: The pill. I have no idea which brand.
- Primo: It's [whatever] brand.
- When was your wife's last menstrual period?
- Me: Ummmm.
- Primo: On X date.
- What is your favorite position? Missionary, doggie, cowgirl?
- Me: What's cowgirl?
- Primo: What's cowgirl?