Me: If you die, I am changing back to my maiden name.
Primo: What? You would?
Me: As soon as I get rid of the cats and all your crap in the basement and all those old magazines in the attic, I will go to the courthouse and change my name.
Primo: But what about my parents?
Me: And I will never, ever talk to your parents again.
Primo: At all?
Me: Well, I'll send them your ashes and your personal stuff, but nope. I will never talk to them again.
Primo: But you'll be responsible for them!
Me: Yeah. No.