In which I remind myself NOT TO BE MEAN ABOUT MY HUSBAND ONLINE BECAUSE HE IS A GREAT GUY

It's Friday night and I have spent the past month writing the 34- now 24-page release notes for the latest software release at work, which involves working with a German engineer to understand the benefits of the new features. I like this guy a ton for going out to dinner, but getting him to think abstractly and about market benefits is a challenge.

For instance (and we were not really talking about describing the feature as blue, but as I have no interest in giving away trade secrets and losing my job, for this blog, the feature is blue):

Me: So. Can we say this feature is blue?
German: No. It's indigo.
Me: But - indigo is a kind of blue.
German: It's indigo.
Me: Blue is the higher level of indigo. If we say this feature is blue, we are not being untruthful, correct?
Engineer: But that's not accurate!
Me: It's true, right?

I am weary. I am too tired to think of other words.

I don't want to be a nasty person who is unkind about nice people. Part of the challenge of this blog now that Sly and Doris are dead is that really is not a villain to the story. Oh sure, Ted is trying, but eventually he will go away.

I hope.

I hope he will go away. Please please please go away, Ted. You are not wanted here.

But no villain. I learned in my organizational behavior class in grad school that one of the best ways to create unity in a dysfunctional team is to unite them against a common enemy. I have united us (you, my wonderful readers) against the common enemies of Sly and Doris, but they are gone.

I need an enemy.

Where can I find an enemy?

Today, Primo asked me to teach him how to make hospital corners so he could make it the way I like it.




Nope. Nope. Nope. He, at the age of 50 - 51? - how old is he? Whatever. At his age, he has never learned how to make a bed properly.

Yay! We can resurrect an enemy!

Sly and Doris - you never taught your son how to make a bed? Honestly.

I need to ask Primo if he even made his own bed as a kid.

Are you guys shocked when you find kids who don't make their own beds? I am. I am almost as shocked when that happens as I am when I learn that parents are paying someone to cut the grass and shovel the snow when they have perfectly healthy kids around. Or are washing the dishes themselves instead of making their kids do it.

Maybe Doris made the beds. I don't know. Why would she? Even if she didn't care that she was spending all of her time doing boring housework that she could have delegated, didn't she think about what Primo might need to know how to do as an adult?

(And no, I am not even considering the idea that Sly might have done part of the housework just by virtue of living in the house. Even retired, he didn't help. Last year, when Doris was in the hospital and Primo did a load of laundry, Sly had no idea where to put Doris' clothes or the kitchen and bath towels. HE HAD NEVER PUT THE LAUNDRY AWAY! And of course there is no excuse for not being able to figure it out. He just didn't care.)

DORIS YOU ARE NOT DOING IT RIGHT.

In which Primo cleans out the guest room! and throws away junk mail from 2012 and 2014!

I complain so much about Primo and I don't say enough nice things about him because I am living this life so it's all balanced to me but then I realize that you guys hear the cranky stuff about Primo and how he is not throwing stuff away but that I don't tell you about all the wonderful things he does and says.

1. He is always very complimentary to me about my figure. I worry I am gaining weight and things are getting tight but Primo always tells me that he likes the way I look.

2. He takes care of almost all of the housework. I get home from work and I have to do nothing. He washes the dishes and does the laundry and cuts the grass and buys the groceries and cleans the bathrooms. It's nice.

3. He cares about making me happy. He does nice things for me, like picking books up from the library or going to the Vietnamese grocery store, so I don't have to get my lazy butt out of the house and somewhere else.

4. He is finally throwing away old stuff. :)

ADDED
I thought of some more things.

1. He cleans the catbox. I never have to do it.
2. He cleans the slime out of the dehumidifier. I have seen the slime. It is gross.
3. He cleans the hair out of the bathtub drain, even though it is my hair.
4. He cuts the cats' claws.
5. He repairs the car and changes to the snow tires.
6. For my birthday, he gave me just what I wanted - an entire day all by myself to watch Blacklist and Madame Secretary. And he made me a grilled cheese with steak, giving me all the lean steak, which is not that much of a sacrifice because he prefers the fattier pieces.
7. For years, I did not visit his parents with him because he knew how miserable it made me because of how nasty they were, even though going alone made it more miserable for him.
8. He visits my mother and is gracious and kind to her and to my other family. He has attended two funerals and one wedding this year for my family even though I told him he didn't have to go. He says, "But I like your family."

He is just a good, good person and I am so lucky to have him. I didn't meet him until our 20 year reunion, but I knew his best friend while we were in college and I remember what Pete had to say about Primo. He said, "He has the biggest heart of anyone I know." And Pete is right.