- Primo
My parents couldn't stand Isabel, and they had some good reasons. They actually visited us a few times, and Isabel was a terrible hostess. (The house wouldn't be ready when they arrived, for example, and I had to do everything.)
Me
Did they complain to you that she didn't write to them?
I would be annoyed if my stay at home spouse did not get the house ready for company!
Primo
They did not want contact with Isabel.
Me
they don't want contact with me, either!
so why are they complaining?
Primo
They want you to be a better wife than Isabel, but they think you must not be better because you don't want contact with them.
Primo
You're supposed to want contact with them regardless of what they want.
Me
would you have left Isabel earlier if your parents hadn't been so critical of her?
Primo
You're supposed to EARN their admiration and affection.
Me
but I don't want it!
Primo
There is where I sympathize with them, at least a bit. You should work on having at least a somewhat better relationship with them because doing so will make my life easier.
Me
well, that is why I do it
that is why I write to your mother
they have made it so clear that they do not like me
and I am not going to grovel
but I will write to her if it will keep them off your back
Primo
But you need to acknowledge my dad, too.
Me
they have never been nice to me, not even from day 1
the first time we went to visit, they didn't even give me the benefit of the doubt
Primo
Was my mom nice to you when you went with her alone to that place by the lake?
Me
she was nice, but I think it was mostly because she was happy to be away from your dad!
Sweetie, I wrote the letter to both of them
Primo
I know.
Me
I will do what I need to do to get them off your back
Primo
But only for the first time.
Me
but for my own sake, I don't care any more if they approve of me
because they won't - no matter what I do, they will always criticize
and move the goalposts
Primo
I know, but it's in our mutual interest for them to not actively dislike you.
Me
I know
but if there are any more threats of disinheritance
which is soooo insulting to you!
that you are nice to them only becaus eyou are hoping for a payoff
I hope you tell them again what you told them last year
Primo
They feel abandoned.
Me
but you cannot fix that, sweetie
they are old and lonely and have no friends
Primo
I could spend more time there. They'd feel less abandoned.
Me
but it is not your fault
Primo
I know.
Me
so why didn't you move there?
Primo
I moved here before they moved there!
I was within driving distance of them for all of 9 months.
Me
you could have moved to [by them]
you knew
you knew what life would be like living near them
it's OK to love them but not want to be living near them
they are hard to deal with
doesn't mean you don't love them
but you can't fix their lives
Primo
If I had waited to move from [where he used to live] until later, then my sister had died and they had stayed in [where they used to live], I might have gone there.
Maybe.
Me
maybe
Primo
I didn't consider moving to [where they used to live] because of Nancy, not because of them.
Me
but seriously - why am I criticized for not doing it right when Isabel was not?
Primo
You're supposed to be better than Isabel.
Me
maybe I'm not!
Primo
She was criticized for being a bad wife and mother. There was plenty of criticism.
Me
nice for you, huh?
I wish they would be nicer to you
more grateful for what you do
Primo
But I'm not doing it right!
They need to let me know.
Me
not complaining and not criticizing you
no they don't
Primo
But they need to criticize everyone who isn't doing it right.
Me
why?
Primo
Because that's how my dad is.
Which is why he is lonely and bitter, unfortunately.
Me
he has alienated people
it is his own fault
Primo
But he thinks it's not his problem and everyone else needs to start doing things right.
Me
then he could be happy
if everyone else would change
Primo
Yep.
It's hard to live in a world where one is superior to everyone else but is not recognized for it.
Me
I would be bitter, too
Saturday, September 27, 2014
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