And now that great investment that Primo's brother asked him to make? It's being investigated

Of course we are not surprised.

I am not surprised.

This seemed shady to me from the beginning.

Primo got a weird email from someone he didn't recognize. Turns out that there is a compliance audit.

(Which is what all financial investment firms know about and should expect. I have some work experience in this area and in the company where I worked, they went overboard to dot the Is and cross the Ts and make sure everything was legally correct because the company's reputation depended on being trustworthy.)

Turns out YOU ARE NOT ALLOWED TO WAIVE THE RULES.

Who knew?

Only everybody.

For this investment, the investor - that is, the trust, has to have assets of two million dollars.

No, I don't know why this is the rule. But it is.

And nobody asked Primo if the trust has two million dollars.

(It does not.)(It has enough to pay the kids' student loans and help them make a down payment on a house.)

Primo's brother's friend lied to him about being able to waive the rules.

I hope he gets fired and gets his license yanked.

But wait! Primo's brother, whom he had to talk to yesterday, which made Primo cranky, has an idea!

"Do you and Goldie have two million dollars?" he asked. "You could be the qualified investor!"

Um. No.

Even if we did have that kind of money, we would not use it for the benefit of Primo's brother and his lying friend. We would not put our names on this crap.

Primo's obnoxious brother offers investment advice he is totally unqualified to give

 Just before Christmas, Primo's obnoxious brother - I can't even remember what I call him here, so we'll just call him OB, asked Primo to invest money from OB's son's trust (the son is mentally disabled and will never live independently) into a venture capital fund run by a friend of his.

OB got his friend to waive the minimum investment of $250K as a favor!

But the money had to be invested with the friend before the end of the year!

Primo asked our financial advisor, who manages the trusts for all the grandchildren, what he thought.

Financial advisor gave him a measured, "I don't have access to those kinds of funds," which to me read as, Yeah I don't do that speculative BS because I care about what happens to my clients.

Still, to get OB off his back - and Primo is in the process of turning OB's son's trust over to OB because - why should Primo and not OB be managing OB's son's trust, Primo put $25K in the friend's fund.

Now we are in July.

Primo has closed Sly and Doris' estate. He's getting ready to resign as trustee for OB's son. He'll continue as trustee for his other three nieces and nephew.

And OB emailed Primo and their brother, Second Brother (he can't be "Other Brother" for obvious reasons) suggesting that Second Brother ask Primo to invest SB's kids' money with OB's friend's fund.

Because friend - AS A FAVOR - will waive the $250K minimum.

AS A FAVOR!

Because people who take other peoples' money do things AS A FAVOR ALL THE TIME.

Because they want everyone to get rich!

Primo is furious.

1. SB has nothing to do with his (adult) children's trust or its management. (Because Sly and Doris decided to be jerks and have Primo do everything, which, to OB and SB, looks like a slap in the face, which is just what Sly and Doris intended.)

2. OB is not an investment advisor. OB doesn't even do anything. Does he have a job? No he does not. But he thinks he should live the high life.

3. OB is a presumptuous jerk. Oh wait. Did I say that already? Well, it bears repeating. OB is a presumptuous jerk.

How many of you think that this fund is a scam and that OB might be getting some sort of referral fee from his friend?

How many of you think that legitimate money managers offer to waive minimums AS A FAVOR?

I just want OB out of our lives.

The crazy laundry people who told us this was not New York City so we shouldn't expect quiet

THIS IS AN OLD STORY THAT I REPOSTED BECAUSE I NEEDED A LINK! 

Do not worry - Primo has not moved out! We are together and very happy (well, as happy as an extravert and an introvert can be in the same house during a pandemic.)

Read my current blog here. 

The crazy laundry people live upstairs. They live directly above Primo and do two loads of laundry every single day. One load at 8:00 a.m., another at 4:00 p.m. You can almost set your watch by them. They also do something at 6:00 a.m. - sweeping the carpet? walking on the treadmill? Whatever it is, we hear it.

When they first moved in, they did laundry at 5:30 a.m. You can hear their washing machine in Primo's apartment. Primo, a night owl, did not appreciate being woken after only an hour or two of sleep. He called the apartment management, who informed the upstairs couple that quiet hours are between 10:00 p.m. and 8:00 a.m.

The crazy laundry people comply with the rules. They wait until 8:00 a.m. to start the washer. 8:00 exactly.

They are retired. What are they washing? Maybe they're incontinent. But that's what Depends are for.

Primo is tired of being woken every morning at 8:00. We hatch a plan to ask them nicely to wait until a little bit later, at least on weekends. He is going to explain that he often works late, that he has conference calls to India at midnight, that he would really like a little more sleep.

He is going to accompany the request with a plateful of hot out of the oven chocolate chocolate chip cookies. With Ghirardelli chocolate chips. The Good Chocolate.

We make the cookies. He takes them upstairs. Knocks on the door. Explains he lives downstairs and would they wait until later for the laund-

"We talked to the manager. Quiet hours are only until 8:00 a.m.," crazy laundry person #1 snaps.

"But so much laundry!" Primo protests.

"You have to stay on top of it!"

Then crazy laundry person #1 then tells Primo that they are tired of all the noise we make. You know, opening and closing the patio door, making our late (8:00 p.m.) suppers. "This is Milwaukee," crazy laundry person tells Primo. "This is not New York City! People here get up early."

Then crazy laundry person slams the door. And keeps the cookies.

We are astonished. Two retired people, 14 loads of laundry a week. And they are bothered by our opening the patio door? Plus we totally don't get the New York City reference. Does the crazy laundry person think that it's quiet in New York City? That people in New York sleep late? What's up with that?

In which we lay Sly to rest in a way that's so, so appropriate

Hi everyone. I know I haven't written forever, mostly because the Sly and Doris story is done and Primo's brother has not been a jerk lately and my nieces are amazing - and even if they weren't, I would not write about them because - well, because they are lovely. And they have always been nice to me. 

Sly and Primo's brother, however - They started it. 

Primo has selected gravestones for Sly and Doris. Their ashes (the ones not in my house) are buried in Doris' family graveyard, where her grandparents lived. 

Primo's something cousin and her partner live there and have been wonderful in helping get this done. Primo selected the gravestones and has approved the copy for them. This is a small family plot where Doris' grandparents are buried, where her parents are buried, where Primo's sister is buried. It's a Doris-side little cemetary. 

The copy on Primo's grandparents' say, "Beloved husband" and "Beloved wife." (Each of these gravestones also carries the name and birthdays and death days of the person.) 

 Primo's sister's gravestone reads, "Beloved granddaughter." 

Doris' gravestone will read, "Beloved daughter." 

And Sly's will read, "Beloved husband of Doris." 

Oh yes you read that correctly. Sly will be defined for eternity by his relationship to Doris. He was her husband. She is not being defined as his wife. 

This - was not completely accidental. A person can get pretty angry five years after his parents' death, after he's had to clean up their messes and settle their estate and finally start thinking about how they treated him.

(PS You are reading my new blog, right? Nothing about Sly and Doris but a lot of politics and feminism.)