The Candidate's Wife: Primo's own party criticizes him and he thinks, Really, guys? and - I love him but politics is not for people who expect niceness

To which I say, "You know this is what life would be like every single day if you became a legislator? That people in your own party will be pissed at you if you don't toe the party line every single time? That you will face criticism from within the party unless you do exactly what they tell you to do?"

What did Primo do to make The Legislator Who Compared Himself to Thomas Jefferson and James Madison upset?

(Sort of compared himself, but Primo's campaign manager nodded sagely when I told him the story of how Legislator wondered why I didn't help Primo campaign and how our Founding Fathers were not citizen legislators. CM said, "Yeah, he does that.")

Primo went to a teacher protest.

A union leader posted a photo on facebook about the protest and wrote he wondered why more legislators from the school district had not attended the protest.

Primo commented that he had wondered the same thing.

As soon as Primo told me that, I thought, "Oh no. That - was not wise."

But Primo does not read behind the lines and takes everything at face value and he says what he means and doesn't do passive-aggressive.

So he was just wondering.

That's all.

But - ouch.

"You - sort of - called them all out," I said.

He was bewildered. "But I just wondered! And then Legislator Who Is Not Thomas Jefferson got really mad and sent me a message and copied a lot of the other legislators."

Me: Ignore him. Campaign Manager says he's a punk and he's right.

Primo: But I wasn't trying to insult him!

Me: Yeah. I know. But - I can see why he might take it that way.

Primo: But I would never insult him like that! Not on purpose!

Me: Perhaps in the future, it might be a good idea not - to make that kind of comment. People can take it wrong.

Primo: Campaign Manager thinks I need to apologize.

Me: He's right. You didn't intentionally harm him, but man - there is nothing to make people as angry as being called on something when they are wrong. He knows he should have been there or otherwise supported it and he's stung because what you said was true. Still, you need to apologize.

Primo: I don't want to.

Me: I know.

Primo: And then he wrote that he doesn't like how I am campaigning.

Me: It's not his campaign.

Primo: He's making me mad.

Me: You need to ignore him.

Primo: I can't!

Me: You know that this is what it will be like all the time if you win, right? You know this is what politics is like. You're used to facts. Politics is not about facts. It's not about doing the right thing. It's about alliances and making deals and stabbing people in the back.

Primo: But - I want to do the right thing!

Me: Then maybe you should go back to engineering.

The Candidate's Wife: What we, the 99%, want

After the guy sitting next to us at a Patsy Cline/Elvis tribute concert at a suburban bar learns Primo is running for the state legislature.

Guy: I don't want to hear long speeches. I turn them off if they go too long. What I want is someone who knows me. Someone who understands me.

Then he bought Primo not one but two beers.

The Candidate's Wife: This? This is why I hate politicians and reject all their empty promises

T - ten days: Local Politician tells Primo not only will she support him, she will help collect signatures and will bring ten clipboards to the signature-gathering event

T - seven days: We have to cancel the Sunday signature-gathering event because of weather and reschedule it for today (today = T)

T - two days: Primo confirms with Local Politician that she will bring clipboards today

T - one day: Primo asks Local Politician (who lives 30 minutes from our house) if he should just come by her house to pick up clipboards so he can have everything ready this morning. LP tells him she's not home but NOT TO WORRY SHE WILL BRING THE CLIPBOARDS

T - one hour: LP tells Primo she can't come so sorry

 

The Candidate's Wife: Maybe just a right-wingtip conspiracy?

Primo: I feel like there are all these people against me. I never expected to have to fight my own side.

Me: It is awful. I feel terrible for you.

Primo: And the----

(phone rings)

Twenty minutes later

Primo: That was my friend who is helping [Guy in next district over who hasn't called Primo back]!

Me: And?

Primo: [Guy in next district over] is trying to download the nomination petitions and is having trouble. My friend has asked if I would help. Maybe [Guy in next district over] isn't against me?

Me: He probably wouldn't ask for help if he were.

Primo: No! Maybe this conspiracy feels a lot bigger than it really is.

The Candidate's Wife: The vast right-wing conspiracy

Primo: Why didn't these people just come talk to me before deciding to run someone against me? Why didn't they even ask where I stood?

Me: Maybe because you have made your views clear and they know you can't be bought.

Primo: And I called [Guy in next district who has just announced] to congratulate him and tell him he has my full support. I left him a voicemail but he hasn't called me back. Is he against me, too?

Me: Well, he is a federal prosecutor. But I worked with him for a few years on that board and I am pretty sure he is aligned with you on the development issues. He is as anti-gross development as you and I are.

Primo: But he won't call me back. And his friend - who I thought was a friend of mine - won't call me back.

Me: This feels like second grade, doesn't it?

Primo: Yes. I don't like it.

The Candidate's Wife: Not Running Again (NRA) throws salt at Primo

Primo: My primary challenger put up her facebook page. Not Running Again (NRA) invited me to like it.

Me: NRA is a huge jerk.

The Candidate's Wife: Nobody expects the Spanish Inquisition

It's 8:56 p.m. The signature-gathering event is tomorrow.

People are coming over at 11:30 to pick up nominating petitions and walk lists. A walk list is a list of names and addresses sorted by whatever criteria. Usually, if you are campaigning, you don't bother talking to someone who never votes. You don't bother with someone who is solidly on the other side. You want to spend as little time as possible per voter to get the vote. If there were unlimited time, I suppose you could try to convince the non-voters that this time, they should vote, but your time is probably better spent talking to ten other people who do vote.

[And this is why I was not outraged when Mitt Romney said something about not bothering to try to reach the 47%. He said, "There are 47 percent of the people who will vote for the president no matter what." What followed that was not so good, but honestly, that's the fact of campaigning - you are usually not going to convince the other side to vote for you. So you try to turn out the base and, if possible, get the people in the middle.]

Primo has not printed the petitions or the walk lists.

Primo has discovered he is almost out of toner.

Office Max is closed.

I. Am. Dying.

Unforced error, I call it.

So I am stress eating.

And I have been stress baking all day.

I swear this campaign is going to kill me.

The Candidate's Wife: And now? I bake

We are having a nominating petition signatures gathering party at our house in two days.

I told Primo I would make snacks.

Here's what I'm making:

David Lebovitz's dark chocolate sea salt brownies (once you try these, you will never go back)

Lemon-Almond Butter Cake

Chocolate, Coffee, and Cardamom Cake (from Honey & Co cookbook)

Memphis Junior League onion dip

The Candidate's Wife: Primo descends into despair. Then he talks to his campaign manager, who is worth the money just for talking Primo off the ledge. Then he believes me that he actually has a message.

Primo: I never thought I would have to run against someone from my own party.

Primo: I don't even know how to run against someone I agree with!

Primo: Stop! I have to figure this out! I have to do a complete reset! This is a completely new problem! I am an engineer! I have to think in sequence!

Primo: Screw this. I don't need this. I don't HAVE to run. I don't want to deal with a primary.

*******

Long conversation with Campaign Manager, who has, since our Big Conversation About The Value He Is Bringing, has earned my undying gratitude by being the person Primo calls when he is stressed out.

*******

Primo: CM thinks this is not a problem.

Primo: CM thinks a primary will bring me more attention.

Primo: CM thinks I can win a primary.

Primo: But I'm still not sure what my message is. She and I agree on the issues!

Me: But - you are the one who has been in the trenches since 2010. You are the one who has been fighting, by campaigning for other candidates and by speaking at hearings at the capitol and by supporting all the things you believe, for the people of this state. I am sure your opponent is a lovely pers---

Primo: She IS a nice person! She even said she had wanted to run last fall but didn't want to take this away from me.

Me: Then -- why is she?

Primo: She and City Council Not Running Again (NRA) agreed a few months ago that one of them would run. His whole thing about not running again for city council so he could spend more time with his family was bullshit.

Me: Ha!

Primo: He would be easier to run against. Nobody who has ever met him seems to like him. [Friend who lives in our neighborhood and who works in the capitol] said if NRA won this race, he could condescend to 50,000 people instead of just the people in our neighborhood.

Me: And that was unprompted?

Primo: Yes!

Me: Anyhow - your message is - and you don't have to badmouth Same-Party Opponent - is that you have been in the trenches. You were fighting even when there wasn't a chance for someone in Your Party to win this district. You have been here for the duration. You're committed. You have been fighting and will continue to fight. You didn't just show up when the odds actually got good.

Primo: Only I can't say it like that, of course.

Me: No. No need to say anything negative. But you just have to tell the truth. If this were just about positions, then robots could run. But it's more than that. This is about who you are and what you have done. You can win this.

The Candidate's Wife: Primo finally talks to the woman who called him yesterday

Primo: She wants to run.

Me:Against you.

Primo: She says we share a lot of the same values.

Me: So ----- she wants to run against you? Even though she agrees with you?

Primo: I don't get it.

The Candidate's Wife: This is what it's like wondering if someone is going to challenge your husband in a primary

Imagine having a really upset stomach.

Imagine wanting to throw up.

Imagine not being able to throw up.

Or not knowing how long it will be before you stop feeling like you are going to throw up.

Imagine thinking about all those times your husband ran when the district really wasn't winnable but the party wanted someone on the ballot.

Imagine thinking about all those times your husband spent hours and hours and hours campaigning for other people.

Imagine the district might be winnable.

And now, everyone wants to run.

From your husband's own party. Against him.

That's what it's like.

Feeling sick and not knowing when or if it's going to end.

The Candidate's Wife: The woman we had thought might primary Primo but then we decided she wouldn't just called Primo and left him a message to call her

He thinks she is calling to tell him she will be running against him in the primary.

The Candidate's Wife: Primo is asking around about Not Running Again (NRA) and we realize (no surprise) that I am not the only woman who thinks NRA is kind of a jerk

Primo: I talked to [former superintendent of the school board].

Me: Have I met her?

[I am discovering this is a Big Problem in politics. I am The Spouse. Like it or not, Primo is judged somewhat based on what people think about me. When I am with him, I need to be ultra charming and lovely and supportive and my house needs to be clean or else I am A Bitch Who Won't Bake Cookies or Keep a Clean House.

The only thing worse than A Bitch Who Won't Bake Cookies or Keep a Clean House?

A Bitch Who Won't Bake Cookies or Keep a Clean House and Who Does Not Remember My Name.

I have a really hard time remembering the names of all the political people I meet, especially because at almost any political event I attend, I am counting the minutes until I can leave.]

Primo: I don't know. Anyhow, I asked her about Not Running Again (NRA).

Me: And?

Primo: You know that little art festival in September?

Me: Yes.

Primo: She was volunteering at the ticket table and NRA walked up. He said, "I'm Not."

Me: That's all?

Primo: Yes. Just his first name. As if she should know who he is.

Me: Would she even have known him if he had given his full name?

Primo: I doubt it. She doesn't live in his district and the festival is in another district.

Me: What a jerk.

Primo: He was really annoyed that she didn't know who he is.

Me: He is a city councilman. In a small city. Even the people in his district don't know who he is!

The Candidate's Wife: Primo goes on the offensive but I am not a Good Supportive Candidate's Wife so sue me

Primo: I called Not Running Again (NRA) to talk to him about his possibly running, but he didn't answer. 

Me: I know.

Primo: So I talked to people about it last night at the Party Prom. They suggested I have a neighborhood blitz next week to collect nominating signatures.

Me: OK.

Primo: You're not going to like this.

Me: What?

Primo: I'm going to have people come here.

Me: What?!

Primo: I am going to have them come here to get the clipboards and the sheets.

Me: Oh. Lord.

Primo: And then I thought I might grill some hot dogs.

Me: Which means you will need plates and condiments and people will be in the house. 

Primo: Not necessarily! Hot dogs are finger food!

Me: Not. Really.

Primo: They are!

Me: I am not going to be a part of this.

Primo: But---!

Me: Do what you want. But I will not be visible. I am not a part of this. This is not how I want to spend my Sunday afternoon and I don't want to play hostess. I don't care if you do this, but I am not a part of it.

The Candidate's Wife: Primo talks to Campaign Manager and some other people about a possible primary challenge and is not as despondent as he was

Me: I'm sorry this is so stressful.

Primo: I feel better now. I talked to Campaign Manager and to [someone else with influence whose role I cannot remember]. They reminded me that the County Mayor* might not be so eager to fund a campaign against me - I already have endorsements from nine pretty prominent, powerful legislators.

Me: That's true!

Primo: And several unions.

Me: exACTLY!

Primo: He's not going to go against that. And Not Running Again (NRA) - he can primary me if he wants, but he is not going to get party support because I already have it. Plus he is not known outside of his district.

Me: AND he's a jerk!

Primo: I feel better.

Me: BAM!

Primo: I have to get to that dinner** early so I can ask [other prominent union leaders, politicians, and people of influence] for their endorsements.

Me: You have A PLAN!!!

Primo: Yes. Normally, you wait until after the filing deadline**** to ask for endorsements, but CM suggested I ask for them now.

Me: Great idea!

Primo: If NRA wants to run, go ahead. But it won't change my strategy. It might mean I campaign harder a little earlier----

Me: But it won't be wasted effort.

Primo: Nope.

Me: Knock 'em dead.






* The County Mayor has funded several campaigns against incumbents he doesn't like. He is trying to get a lot of power, which I totally get - that is how humans can be sometimes, but I don't agree with how he wants to use his power. He wants to develop EVERYTHING. Also - he is a rich kid who has never had to work for his own money. He had thousands of dollars in parking tickets a few years ago - all from the same location - because it was worth $36 a shot to park where he wanted to park. He's That Guy.

** I call it the "X Party Prom." Because it is. It's a prom for grownups.

*** No, I am not going. Why do you ask? Why on earth would I torture myself by spending a Saturday evening hanging out with politicians? Please.

**** The deadline for turning in the nominating petitions. For Primo's race, the deadline is early June, so he is asking (April, May) over two months ahead of time.