As long as I am telling you about humilating relationships, I might as well reveal them all. Or at least one of the worst. I almost lost one of my best women friends over this guy, which would have been a true tragedy. I was better off without him, but Debbie I would have missed.
I don't want you to think that all my boyfriends have been jerks. Most of them have been really nice guys but just not the proper fit. When I moved to Fairview, I looked at 47 houses. I know because I kept a spreadsheet and don't try to tell me that's not normal because I think my friend Ilene, who organized her amazing wedding all by herself while she was also working doctor's hours, did the same thing for the 112 houses she looked at in Minneapolis.
Point is that you can walk into a gorgeous house but it might not have enough bedrooms. Or you want a finished basement. You can love a house but know you can't live in it.
Same thing with men. I was single for a long time before I met Primo, who must have been very tired of the Fairview bar scene because he puts up with a ton of crap from me, including having to be the straight man on my other blog, which means I - in theory - had a lot of boyfriends. I didn't, but I still had more time to date than someone who marries at 24.
But I had some lovely boyfriends and I am not going to write about them here unless it's to say something nice, so if you happen to be a former boyfriend whom I might have met on matchmaker.com and who plays the harmonica and gives fabulous birthday presents, like a belt sander, just know that you fall into the nice category and I would never say anything mean about you, mostly because there isn't anything to say but also because I am classy that way and my sister and my mother would beat me up if I hurt your feelings. Even though I know you're tough.
Back to the grad school guy. When I was in grad school, I "dated" this guy named "Rick." My mother was right. If a man is interested, he will chase you. He will call you.
Sure, a man will let you chase him and will sleep with you, but that does not mean he is interested. It just means he is lazy and horny. But if he is truly interested, he will do the work. If he does not call, it is not because his grandmother died or he was hit by a bus. It's because he is not interested.
But I ignored my mother. I had to have Rick. I was an idiot.
I was a many times idiot. I was liberated. I thought, I don't need to follow those old rules about men and women. These are new times! Women are free! Women can ask men out! It's all different now!
But it wasn't. Oh sure. I could ask men out. But that didn't mean that they were more interested. It just meant it was easier for them to get laid.
Rick walked into my operations managment class, oozing sexy, and I swooned. Somehow, even though he was out of my league for I am the nerd girl with glasses and not even Miss Sakamoto you're beautiful! when she removes her glasses and shakes out her hair, we went out.
Probably because I pursued him with the same intensity that I was pursuing a 4.0 GPA: with a strategy that I strictly executed. And probably because I gave off a, Oh yes I will sleep with you yes I will yes I said yes vibe.
I am mortified that this is becoming a theme on this blog because I have always thought of myself as a Nice Girl. I guess I am not. I guess I am an Easy Girl.
He never once implied that he had any romantic interest in me.
He waved red flag after red flag in my face.
Some of the flags were his lack of ethics. He was divorced with a little boy. They had married because his wife had gotten pregnant. She had just left him and taken their son. He was still in the married student housing, even though he had no need of it and even though there was a waiting list to get into it.
He would park in the pay parking but then leave late at night after the attendant was gone so he wouldn't have to pay. When he was in dental school (which he had attended before business school - on his parents' dime - another rich kid), he would sneak into the records office at night to pull his patient records so he wouldn't have to wait the next day like everyone else.
And there were flags were about his lack of emotional interest in me. His parents came to town after we had been "dating" for four months. Not only did he not invite me to meet them, but I learned that they did not know that I existed.
He mentioned running into my friend Debbie a lot, but then would say, "But there's nothing going on with us!" I was puzzled that he even thought he needed to mention it. The gentleman protests too much, I think. But I didn't. Think, that is.
So what that he had seen her at a festival downtown? And hung out with her? She was our mutual friend, right?
We met in the spring. I was supposed to spend the fall semester of my second year at a program in Holland. I put my things in storage, got on the plane after a big hug and a "love you!" from Rick, which made my head spin because he had never said Those Words before, went to Holland, spent two days there, couldn't stand missing him, and returned to Texas.
To find that he had already asked Debbie out and did not want to see me.