Saturday, September 29, 2012

In which Primo has to tell Bertha that the alimony is over‏

Primo is all stressed because he is pretty sure that Bertha has not been keeping track of the divorce decree, even though she graduated from college with honors (with a major of dubious academic integrity, though) (at Primo's expense). The alimony ended this month. Done. Finito. No more. No more money leaving our checking account every month to go to her.

If you get divorced, get a lawyer. Don't have a mediated divorce. A lawyer will tell you that your alimony obligation is 17% of your income. Not 35%. Plus cobra.

Ouch.

After five years, we are done. 

But Bertha probably doesn't realize that.

Primo was going to tell her earlier this month, but she was on vacation in Hawaii for two weeks.

Think about that.

Anyhow, he wants - well, feels he should - to call her to advise her that she has gotten her last check. 

And he is dreading that call.

He has already had to deal with family issues. Doris is trying to find out what I want for my birthday.

What I want most is for her not to do anything for my birthday.

So what she really wants is not what I want but what she wants.

What she wants is to give me something that she likes, not what I like. Because if she wanted to give me what I like, she would not take offense when Primo tells her that no, I probably wouldn't like another vase hand-painted with purple flowers and butterflies. Or a scarf. Because I already have 20 scarves. (Everyone gives me scarves. Well, my sister and my friend Lenore.)

I told Primo to suggest that she give us a gift certificate to the theater, as there is a Johnny Cash play we want to see this spring but is a bit out of our budget.

"She won't want to do that," he said. "She doesn't understand buying experiences rather than things."

I did some research on the two scarf options she had presented.

"Then tell her to get scarf #1 because I can return it for cash. Scarf #2 they'll only let me exchange it for something else in their catalogue."

Sigh. She's going to send something that I don't want. I will have to go to the PO to send it back. Money will be wasted. 

6 comments:

  1. How exciting! You can buy a new pair of shoes. I'm sure you deserve them. I deserve (fill-in-the-blank) often comes before my purchases.

    Keep us au courant.

    Truly, you are addictive. And, yes, that place in Paris is fab-u-lous.

    xo,
    Tish

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    1. There is always room for new shoes. I like the Ferragamos I've found on eBay!

      Tish, you are so sweet.

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  2. I'm betting you get another vase. I am also betting that Bertha is going to amp up the crazy as soon as she gets back from vacation. Good luck.

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    1. You know, I actually would like a nice vase - I usually stick my flowers in pitchers or an old mustard jar - but a vase with butterflies and flowers is not nice. Not nice at all.

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  3. Congrats!!! Personally, I'd have left her a cheery voice-mail about it. Something along the lines of "Oh Hey...It's Primo. Just wanted you to know that according to our divorce decree, section blah-blah, item blah, I am no longer financially obligated to your soul-sucking @$$, as of today. Have a nice life!"

    (I know...I'm a cold-hearted bitch)

    Anxiously awaiting the post about Bertha's freak-out, (snicker snicker snicker) which you both will come thru with flying colors. I know Primo is a really good man, because he's worried about her reaction. That's good character. Most men would have thrown a "last check party," like a friend did a few years back when he found out his ex was getting married.

    As for birthdays, at least your mother-in-law remembers your birthday =/

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    Replies
    1. Oh Joy. It would be so much easier if she didn't have cancer. That just ruins it for everyone.

      But I am glad that Primo cares - although I more than once suggested listing her on match.com to get her married off!

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