Thursday, May 23, 2013

In which Sly and Doris are baffled, BAFFLED by my relationship with Stephanie

In her email to Primo, Doris also wrote this:

Stephanie has for all purposes severed ties with us.  We hear from her about once in two weeks. We always were available to take Maria and Michael for various events when they were in high school and did so frequently.  She said recently that Pia's needs haven't required our help.  So just in case the Gold Digger is hearing other stories from Stephanie, I ask you to keep our discussions here to yourself.  I have NEVER understood GD's linkage to Stephanie.  It appears to stem from her rejection of us and a potential connection to Stephanie to confirm "our" sins.  Primo, I have spent much time trying to understand the depth of GD's rejection of us. Until I have a clearer head toward my recovery, I choose not to dwell on this enigma.  

So much material here. So rich.

Sly and Doris just cannot understand why Stephanie and I are friends.

"They think it's because you're both Catholic," Primo said. "Because you know - that's the only thing you have in common. After all, Stephanie's not an intellectual. How could you possibly be friends with someone who didn't graduate from college?"

I sighed. "I know. I need to quit associating with my relatives because they didn't go to college. They are not worthy of my attention. My mom! My mom didn't graduate. How can I stand to spend time with her?"

I talk to Stephanie frequently. I like her. She's nice. I like my nieces and nephew. I like to know what's going on in their lives.

Stephanie has cut Sly and Doris off because she is tired of being gossiped about and treated meanly. Doris will call her, drunk, and accuse her of things, then not remember the call. They complain that Stephanie doesn't help them enough but they give Jack, who is Sly's son and one would think, more responsible for helping than their ex-daughter in law, a pass.

Stephanie's tired of it.

I don't blame her. I think she's been a saint. If I lived 15 minutes away from Sly and Doris, they would not know it. They would not see me or hear from me because I do not want to be around people who are mean to me and who gossip about me.

Stephanie and I are not simply united by a common enemy, although that is part of it. Stephanie does understand why I might not want to spend time with Sly and Doris. She gets that if someone tells your fiance' not to marry you and that they are boycotting the wedding, that you don't just get over it, as Sly and Doris suggest. Yes, they know that is one of the reasons I don't like them, but they have told Primo that I should be over that by now.

No, they have never apologized.

I tell Primo that I really don't care any more about what Sly and Doris think about me  - which I mostly don't because who cares about the ravings of two mean drunks? - but I do care about how they treat him. They owe him an apology about the wedding fracas. And the emails where they've told him he's a "bad son" for not spending Christmas with them. And for the constant ravings against me.

So there's your enigma: Stephanie and I are friends and there is no solid reason why.


  1. Well, if Stephanie is even a tiny bit nice/normal that alone explains why she's streets ahead of Sly and Doris in your affections. My in-laws did actually refuse to attend our wedding. It was the best wedding gift ever because we haven't had to associate with them since!

    1. SK, you are so lucky. I wish Sly and Doris had followed through on their threats and not come to ours. Then we might actually not have to deal with them. Or Primo wouldn't.

  2. Let me get this straight ... Primo is a totally grown man (well past 21, married twice) and his parents think that he should spend Christmas with THEM? WTF!!

    They are so totally self-absorbed that they don't begin to see reality. Stephanie is a saint for allowing them any access to her children. Be glad they aren't interested in your cats.

    They make my in-laws look like nice people and that ain't easy!

    Primo is the one I truly feel sorry for. Obviously he wants some sort of relationship with them, and it just gets him caught in the middle. good luck.

    1. Webb, not just Christmas, but also Thanksgiving. And some time in the summer. Primo and I have some fun weekend trips planned for June, including visiting my mom for her 70th birthday, and Primo has not mentioned any of the trips to his parents. And he probably won't. Because he'll just get complaining about how can we take these trips but not visit them?

  3. Of course your relationship with Stephanie is completely caused by your relationship with them.

    How on earth did Primo manage to turn into good husband material after having been brought up by these two narcissists?

    Webb is right. It is an incredible balancing act to maintain a relationship with them while staying away from the vortex of their demands.

    1. Joan, it is! I do like Stephanie and would like her even if Sly and Doris weren't involved, but she and I are definitely united against them?

      I have no idea how Primo turned out so well. He must be a throwback to an earlier generation and nature must have won out over nurture. (He actually is the spitting image of his great-great grandfather. It's spooky!)

  4. You're so right, that email is just filled with topics that could be discussed extensively.

    I am curious as to why your friendship with Stephanie is any of their business???

    1. Because, Jen, they know that all we did was talk about them! It's always about them.

  5. It's always about them, isn't it? You and Stephanie are not free agents at all!

    1. We are the moon and Sly and Doris are the sun.


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