The letter from Doris arrived. Below are selected quotations and my commentary. A week after she sent the letter, she sent me a gardening catalogue and a National Geographic magazine.
No. I do not know why she did that.
I think we need to start anew after I offer our read on how the tensions began. You should tell us your recollections.
Right. Because my telling them all the reasons I don't like them would be soooo productive. They would understand everything, agree, and apologize. Then they would change their behavior.
The most significant factor in our initial qualms was reading your blog. We were probably too quick to form judgments before we even met you.
You think? (PS It wasn't this blog.)
I know from Primo that you were very upset about our negative advice to him about marrying you-your likes, politics, and religious views seemed so divergent from his. Plus we know that Primo was often an easy mark. His marriage to Isabel (which we STRONGLY opposed) turned out to be what we had feared...
No apology for telling him not to marry me. No "we were wrong." Just "we know you were upset."
Sly, of course, wouldn't listen to advice on not marrying his first wife. He was but 19 and Melinda was 23...She even bought the engagement ring! It took me a long time to build a relationship with some of Sly's relatives and the initiative was all mine.
That is, screw you. I had to suck up to them so by God, you'll do it to me.
We would be happy to thaw the ice that has separated us and develop a friendlier relationship. We doubt that we could ever agree on what seem to be some of your world-views.
Well, I demand that everyone share my opinion on things, so I guess this is not going to work.
When we were together, you always appeared chilly, guarded, and rather judgmental.
Maybe because they were trash-talking everyone else in the family?
We don't know if you found us welcoming open, rigid, or just old fogies.
How about mean, vicious, drunk?
We've always felt that you were worried about Primo having responsibilities to us in our dotage.
That is correct. My concern is that they have failed to act and Primo will be stuck with doing everything. So far, my concerns have been valid.
The rehashing of old offenses is almost always a bad idea. Does not make progress toward a new relationship
ReplyDeleteAKJ, exactly. It would feel good to vent to them, but they would somehow turn themselves into the victims and we would be no further along.
DeleteOMG, if I didn't know better, I'd swear you were my sister-in-law, 'cause Doris sounds exactly like my MIL (hated me because of my blog before meeting me: check. Boycotted wedding: check. She never got along with her MIL, so I need to kiss her butt: check. Dislikes my "attitude": check. Right down the line: check...except for the drunk part. Thank God.) At least we live 2,500 miles away, and since she refuses to call the house phone and so only calls my husband when he's at work, I can ignore her the majority of the time.
ReplyDeleteAKJ is right; no matter how much you rehash the past, it rarely solves things in the present. Or the way we say it here in KY--never wrestle with a pig. You both get dirty, but the pig likes it.
Catherina, is your name Stephanie? :)
DeleteDoris and Sly almost never call Primo. But then they get mad if he doesn't call them enough. I guess the phones only work one way.
*shaking my head*
ReplyDeletehmmm. "This is why we don't like you and think you are a bad choice for our son. (We formed our opinions before we met you. However, once we met you, you were chilly, guarded and rather judgmental. Please tell us why you don't like us and we can refute your misconceptions."
ReplyDelete