In which I learn more about Sly and Doris' sex life again, even though this is not a subject that interests me at all

Me: Oh man! Listen to this title: "The sex toys in the attic. For the sake of your executors, throw them out. Now."

Primo: What?

Me: What if we find something in your mom and dad's basement?

Primo: I know we will.

Me: What?

Primo: I already know they have sex toys.

Me: How on earth do you know that?

Primo: Because--

Me: Wait. Stop talking. I do not want to hear another word about this.

Primo: But--

Me: No! Nothing! Nothing else about your parents' sex life!

Primo: OK.

Me: Seriously. Why do they tell you this stuff?

Primo: They have nobody else to talk to.

Me: Doesn't matter. They need to make friends. This is not appropriate conversation between a parent and a child.

Primo: My mom has nobody.

Me: Not your fault.

Primo: I feel bad for her.

Me: OK. How do you know about this?

Primo: Because the last time I was there, my dad asked me to go to Target and get C batteries.

Me: So?

Primo: I asked him what the batteries were for and he wouldn't tell me.

Me: Why did you ask him? Why would you care?

Primo: Because almost nothing uses C batteries any more. Wouldn't you want to know?

Me: No. I wouldn't care at all. So how did you find out?

Primo: I asked him again. Finally, after the third time, he told me they were for a vibrator.

Me: Oh gross.

Primo: Yeah, I know. But he is very proud that at his age, his sexuality is still a major part of his identity.

Me: That's not the issue. The issue is he tells you about it.

Primo: I know.

Me: So you don't want to know this stuff either.

Primo: I think it's gross.