Wednesday, October 19, 2016

In which Primo cleans out the guest room! and throws away junk mail from 2012 and 2014!

I complain so much about Primo and I don't say enough nice things about him because I am living this life so it's all balanced to me but then I realize that you guys hear the cranky stuff about Primo and how he is not throwing stuff away but that I don't tell you about all the wonderful things he does and says.

1. He is always very complimentary to me about my figure. I worry I am gaining weight and things are getting tight but Primo always tells me that he likes the way I look.

2. He takes care of almost all of the housework. I get home from work and I have to do nothing. He washes the dishes and does the laundry and cuts the grass and buys the groceries and cleans the bathrooms. It's nice.

3. He cares about making me happy. He does nice things for me, like picking books up from the library or going to the Vietnamese grocery store, so I don't have to get my lazy butt out of the house and somewhere else.

4. He is finally throwing away old stuff. :)

I thought of some more things.

1. He cleans the catbox. I never have to do it.
2. He cleans the slime out of the dehumidifier. I have seen the slime. It is gross.
3. He cleans the hair out of the bathtub drain, even though it is my hair.
4. He cuts the cats' claws.
5. He repairs the car and changes to the snow tires.
6. For my birthday, he gave me just what I wanted - an entire day all by myself to watch Blacklist and Madame Secretary. And he made me a grilled cheese with steak, giving me all the lean steak, which is not that much of a sacrifice because he prefers the fattier pieces.
7. For years, I did not visit his parents with him because he knew how miserable it made me because of how nasty they were, even though going alone made it more miserable for him.
8. He visits my mother and is gracious and kind to her and to my other family. He has attended two funerals and one wedding this year for my family even though I told him he didn't have to go. He says, "But I like your family."

He is just a good, good person and I am so lucky to have him. I didn't meet him until our 20 year reunion, but I knew his best friend while we were in college and I remember what Pete had to say about Primo. He said, "He has the biggest heart of anyone I know." And Pete is right.


  1. Understand completely. I don't know that there is anyone who takes care of me like my husband does. Of course that doesn't mean we don't snipe at each other. But that usually ends in a laugh.

    1. Yeah, I need to be careful! He doesn't mind if I use his as my straight man, so I write a lot about where we disagree and not about all the wonderful that he is. The nice stuff is not as interesting to read.

  2. My best friend and I have joked together that we vent so much about our husbands that the other must wonder why we married such a clod. But we don't, of course, because we know better. How? The good stuff is right there to see, if you look at the bigger picture someone paints of their life.

    Yes, you complain about the political stuff and the hoarding stuff and the relatives, but when you tell these stories it's against a backdrop in which you are loved and supported by your husband. You visit your family, Primo goes with and they love him. Primo vents to you about his family, and you get it because you don't think he deserves this treatment. You vent to Primo about his family and he gets it because you don't deserve to be judged (for eating bacon the wrong way - as if there's a wrong way to eat bacon!) You want him to de-clutter, he does not want to do this, but he stresses about it because he wants to do it for you. Just, you know, not if it involves throwing things away without touching them one last time and REALLY thinking about it.

    1. Yes! I worry that people will think the same thing and that I should just ditch my hoarding running for office husband! Thank you so much for your kind, understanding comment. :) It feels so good to be understood!

      I always worry that someone who just dips her toe into this blog is going to think that I am a whiny bitch on wheels because of the stuff with Sly and Doris. People who have never had narcissistic and/or alcoholics in their lives are very fortunate, but sometimes, they just don't get it. They think that if the narcissist/alcoholic is acting that way, someone must have provoked it. It's just been such a bizarre decade for me as I encountered this kind of person for the first time. I am lucky that it took this long, but I sure hope I was kind to friends who had already been having this kind of experience. I am thinking about what you posted about your mom and the people who don't get it. I don't want to be that person!

      Anyhow - again, thanks. Your comment is lovely.

  3. This is a very encouraging, and heart-warming, post. I enjoy all of your writing, and am pleased to see this one in slightly different voice (maybe the same voice, maybe I mean vein) but still identifiably yours. Good stuff.

  4. I too am loving the reasons-to-love Primo post. The hoarding and politics would be a bit of a deal breaker fir me, but you seem to find great compromises in a strong relationship:) My friends and I always vent about our husbands on a night out, and laugh that it must sound like we married a bunch of idiots, but truth is, who needs to vent about the good stuff?! Jo xx


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