Ch 2 Primo freaks out about a broken TJMAxx vase that cost only $15, which is only three in beer units – it’s not like it was Ming or anything

A vase sitting on top of Primo’s fridge falls to the ground and shatters into pieces.

I start picking up the glass.

Primo freaks out. Total Drama.

Primo: Oh no! Oh no! Oh no!

Me: Relax! It's just a cheap vase from TJMaxx!

Primo: How did this happen? How? HOW?

Me: I don’t know. I suppose that each time the refrigerator door was opened, the vase moved a tiny bit. Let's just clean this up and get out of here.

Primo: But how did this happen? It has to be someone’s fault!

Me: No it doesn’t. Sometimes things are just accidents. 

Primo: But I have to understand! How did this happen? It shouldn’t have happened!

Me: It fell. That’s what happened. And now we clean it up. That’s all.

Primo: No! I have to understand.

Me: Why? Sometimes things happen and they are nobody’s fault.

Primo: No. It has to be someone’s fault.

Me: No it doesn’t. Just what was it like in your house when you were a kid? What happened if you spilled milk or something?

Primo: I got in trouble.

Me: No, no, no. I mean when you were little. It's one thing to get in trouble when you're seven and your dad has been warning you to stop goofing off. It's another when you are four. Four year olds have accidents. Big deal.

Primo: I told you, I got in trouble. My dad would scream at me.

Me: At a little kid? When you were little?

I get the little hand broom and the dustpan and start sweeping.

Primo: Yes.

Me: Really screaming. Not just a little bit of chastising?

Primo: Screaming.

Me: When you were little.

Primo: Yes.

Me: Little little?

Primo: Yes!

Me: Did that happen a lot?

Primo: Yes. He punched me when I was a teenager.

He plugs in the vacuum cleaner

Me: Punched?  Like – closed fist – punch?

Primo: I weighed about 90 pounds. Well – you’ve seen my dad. He’s big. And he was strong back then. He gave me a black eye.

Me: Wow. People call the cops for that kind of thing now.

Primo: Didn’t your dad hit you?

Me: He spanked us when I was little but stopped when I was five. That means my brother would have been four and my sister was three. He said he realized it was not a good idea to hit his own children.