The Candidate's Wife: How an English major does a colonoscopy vs how an engineer does a colonoscopy

How an English major does a colonoscopy

• Two days before the procedure, follow the instructions
• Day before procedure, follow the instructions
• Day of procedure, follow the instructions

How an engineer does a colonoscopy

• Three days before procedure, ask wife to find the diet instructions in her email
• Read the diet instructions and complain
• Spend two days doing research about colonoscopy prep protocols, finding evidence that other GI clinics do not require the level of fasting that local clinic does
• Day of the prep, complain about being hungry
• Message wife at work citing various sources about fasting protocols

American medicine is behind the times. Recent studies have shown that it's OK to eat low-residue foods (like eggs) the day before a colonoscopy. I'm not going to do that, but our hospital is not doing it right.

The doctors are probably afraid of change.

I also found an Australian colonoscopy prep guide that says alcohol in moderation is fine as part of a low-residue diet. I do intend to drink a beer tonight. (What could that possibly hurt?)

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• Message wife to tell her you are cranky
• Wait until 6 p.m. the day before the procedure to start the prep
• Accelerate the prep, drinking ten ounces instead of eight ounces of liquid every ten minutes - "I will be able to drink the entire amount in one hour!"
• Complain about being hungry
• Argue with wife, who is not a physician, about whether
• A beer is possible
• It is necessary to complete the second half of the prep liquid if certain conditions are already being met
• Complain about being hungry
• Morning of procedure, announce hunger
• After procedure, argue with nurse about fentanyl and whether driving in the evening will be OK

Co-worker's advice about husband: Don’t let him take the conversation into narrowly focused details — the nature of chemical compositions, the potential flaws in FDA testing, etc. It’s where engineers know they can win, but it’s a trap!