Saturday April 28 what if I become a bag lady

Probably the thing that scares me the most in life is the chance that I will be out on the street with nothing to eat.

You are laughing. "Really, Gold Digger? You really think that is an option? You have savings, a house that's more than 60% paid for, not one but two defined benefit pensions, and social security. And family."

I counter with, "Savings can melt. My 401ks have not budged in the past 10 years. I can pay off the house, but I still have property taxes every year and they are not low. I have the pensions, but by the time we retire, they won't be enough to pay the phone bill. Today, they are enough to pay the property taxes and the homeowners insurance and that's it. Social security. Are you making a joke? And yes, I have family, but it's not like they're rich. I could move into my mom's basement if I had to, but she's not going to live forever."

I want to throw so much money in the bank that I never have to worry again. I want to pay off the house and bank thirty years' worth of property taxes. It would be really nice if property taxes would actually go down. Thank you, thank you. I'll be here all week please tip your waitress. I want to have enough in savings that we can fund our retirement. I want enough in savings that we can put a new roof on the house. I don't want to put a new roof on the house. I just want to be able to pay for it if we need to do it.

Primo earns a decent living. He works his butt off to do it. I hate that he works so hard, but have to admit I like the income. Not that we spend it. A good chunk of it - a really good chunk of it - goes to his ex wife. Remember what I told you? If you ever get divorced, get a really mean lawyer. Mediating a divorce works only if both of you want a divorce. Or, if you don't want to pay a lawyer but one of you doesn't want the divorce, at least look up the divorce laws in your state to find out about alimony. You might discover that the laws define how much alimony you have to pay. You might not end up paying twice as much alimony as you would have paid by statute. Just saying.

So we pay a lot of alimony. It ends in a few months. I was looking forward to finally getting my hands on that money. I was going to replace the from-hell smoothtop electric stove in our kitchen (duh - where else do you put a stove?) with a gas stove. Then we were going to pay off the house and bank, bank, bank the cash.

But now, if Primo wins the election, we'll have four months of alimony-free income before he quits his job to start serving in the house. And then Primo's income will drop by ALOT percent.

I've applied to over 50 jobs in the past three months. I've been qualified or over qualified for all of them.

I have not gotten even a phone interview.

I can't sleep.