Primo: Now that I'm in politics, I'll have to get a mistress.
Me: I thought politics was your mistress.
Primo: No. An actual mistress.
Me: Well, make sure she irons and cooks, then, because I'm not going to do all the work and let her have all the fun.
Primo: They asked us in boot camp if any of us had unhappy mistresses. I guess a happy mistress is OK.
Me: It's not OK with me.