Not everyone was thrilled to get a political phone call, but most of them were polite - "Thank you, I'm not interested right now" - or just hung up, which I thought was offensive until I realized that they were under no obligation to talk to me whatsoever and I would rather have a hangup than this guy.
Here's how our conversation went.
Me: Hello. May I speak to the Jerk du Jour?
Jerk du Jour: This is Jerk.
Me: Good evening, Mr du Jour. My name is Gold Digger and I am calling on behalf of my husband, Primo, who is running for the state house in our district.
JJ: What party?
Me: He's running as a Polka Dot.
[Long pause, which I take as a sign that JJ is not a fan of Polka Dots, so I throw in some more information.]
Me: He's married to a Stripe.
JJ: Can he afford to divorce her?
Me (laughing): No sir, he cannot.
JJ: He'll have to beat his wife into submission.
Me (confused): I would rather he not beat me, but we would appreciate your considering voting for him. [Sometimes, I don't get mad enough and react way too nicely to awful things.]
JJ: I'm a Polka Dot, but -- No! He's obviously not a Polka Dot! He must be a Stripe plant! I'm not voting for him! [Slams phone down.]
Me (to dead phone line): Oh right. Like you're going to vote for his Stripes opponent?