Tuesday, June 9, 2015

In which the hip hop crazy don't stop even when I think I have heard it all

So Primo had to fly to Sly and Doris' on Sunday because Sly was supposed to have surgery this week and Doris cannot manage on her own.

[Which is why they need to be in a retirement community. The back up plan cannot be that Primo drops everything to take care of them. This is the second trip in three months.]

Only on Wednesday, the doctor said oh never mind Sly does not need surgery after all.

In the meantime, Primo is trying to talk to Sly and Doris about their plans and their finances and where is all their paperwork -

[I have a copy of my mom's will, of which I am executor. She asked me to execute her will as a favor. Sly bestowed the responsibility on Primo, telling him it was an honor. I have a key to my mom's safe-deposit box. I have a copy of her medical power of attorney, which grants the power to my sister, who is a nurse practitioner. I know where my mom's paperwork is. I know what the password is on her computer. I am on her bank accounts. My mom rocks. She is prepared.]

- and what are their plans? WHAT ARE THEIR PLANS?

Oh there is a retirement community they think they might like, but they have not had time to visit it yet, what with all their aches and pains and illnesses. But when they are healthier, they will check it out. Really.

Primo has been asking his parents if their every other week cleaning lady would come more often. If she would cook. Do grocery shopping. They don't know. They have never asked her.

The cleaning lady came today, after Doris insisted that Primo help her clean the house in advance of the cleaning lady's arrival.

Oh sure she could come more often. Sure she could cook, she answered when Primo asked her.

But, she suggested, wouldn't it be better if Sly and Doris had someone living in?

  • Primo
  • But with a live-in, you really have to get the right person.8:15am
  • Me
    yeah - not many people would put up with your dad
  • Primo
    Maybe some people like criticism more than you do.
  • Me
    Yes, I am sure I am in the minority
    most people really like being around drunk, negative people who criticize others about their bacon-eating habits
  • Primo
    Because the criticism is offered to help them become better people.
    People are lucky to receive criticism from such an authority.
  • Me
    well, your dad is perfect. who wouldn't want to be like him?

Then Primo informed me that one of his parents cats - Lucy - has fleas. "It took the vet a second to spot them," Primo said.

"They don't treat the cats for fleas?" I asked.

"They actually say that the cats don't go outside because they 'only' go on the screened porch. They have not had regular flea treatments."

Let me explain this to you guys.

Sly and Doris live in the southern part of the US, in a place where it does not get cold enough in the winter to kill fleas. They have a big screened-in patio behind their house. They leave the patio door open all the time and the cats wander in and out of the patio. The patio is attached to the house, but it does not have solid walls. It has screens. Screens let you have most of the advantages of being outside without most of the disadvantages, like mosquitos, although if you are like Sly and Doris, there are huge tears in your screen and you save them for the times your son visits so he has something to do. If there is anything Primo hates, it is relaxing. He would much rather be doing house repairs than almost anything else.

A screen can do amazing things but one thing it cannot do is keep fleas out of a space.

Although perhaps I am wrong. Perhaps the lowly screen can prevent fleas from entering. After all, it is Sly, not I, who is the Smartest Person in the Room.

Yet if that is the case, why does Lucy have fleas?

I don't care if she has fleas. I mean, I care for her sake - she is just an innocent animal, but I don't care if Sly and Doris have fleas.

I don't care if Sly and Doris have fleas in their house.

What I do care about is the possibility that Primo now has fleas in his clothes and in his luggage and once again, Sly and Doris have reached from thousands of miles away to cause drama and hassle in MY LIFE. Their failure to act - a constant theme with them - now means that as soon as Primo is home, we have to wash all of his clothes and isolate his luggage so the fleas do not come into OUR house.

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