Sunday, December 27, 2015

In which Primo finds Sly's sex diary while he is looking for information about a safe deposit box that may or may not exist

Primo: I found a sex diary on my dad's desk, mixed in with all kinds of other papers.

Me: A WHAT?

Primo: I looked at long enough to make sure he was writing about sex with my mom and not with anyone else, then I put it in drawer with nude pictures.

Me: Oh man.

Primo: I did read one gross part. Nancy had a waterbed when she lived with them. He wrote about having sex with my mom on the waterbed when Nancy wasn't at home.

Me: How did you find it?

Primo: I was looking for information about a safe deposit box. There are documents and lists about a safe deposit box - a list that says passports, car title, and things like that, but I have found those documents, so I don't even know if there is a safe deposit box.

Me: You laugh at how much I think about worst-case scenarios, but this kind of stuff would never happen with me. Or with my mom. I have my mom's safe-deposit box key! I have her papers! I have her will!

Primo: I don't even know if there is one. My dad never mentioned one.

Me: But why? Why didn't he tell you these things?

Primo: My dad didn't think he was going to die

Me: He thought he was immortal? Did he think he was Jesus Christ?

Primo: I don't know. Shouldn't we have a sex diary? I wonder if my mom knew about the diary. Did they do it together?

13 comments:

  1. Oh darling Primo- there are some things we just aren't meant to know.

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  2. Ohhhhhhh GROSS! I would never, in a million years, have imagined this!

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  3. All together now: "WHO DOES THAT?!"

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    Replies
    1. Well, as disturbing as I can only imagine it would be to find this sort of things in your parents' house after their death, I don't think their existence is abnormal. Regular people all over the world do this sort of thing. No judgement from me. Of course, Sly the Immortal is a special case, but for anyone else - live and let live. Or die. You know.

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    2. Yeah, I don't care what people do. The "WHO DOES THAT?!" is for the people who do not have a plan for their stuff to be handled! Assume you will both die at the same time and keep that kind of thing in a manila envelope labeled, "Phone bills 1997" or something else so boring nobody will ever want to open it.

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  4. Does it get any worse? Please tell me it doesn't get any worse. -liz

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  5. i have a life size picture of you and Primo writing a sex diary together.... too funny!

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  6. I live alone and just don't have the energy to get my own chores done like I did just a few years ago. I've heard of some adults rewarding themselves with stickers on the calendar when they do chores, just like are used with children. Now I'm thinking I'd better leave behind a pretty clear key of what they stickers mean if I go this route! Wouldn't like my successors trying to guess what all the stars and hearts on the calendar mean.

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    Replies
    1. Oh, now that would be fun to find! Don't do a thing!

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  7. Why on earth would you write about something like this? Very classy.

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