Things Primo has already brought home that I do not want and no, Primo, I do not care that they have kitties on them.
1. A plate with a painting of kittens
2. A blanket with kittens
3. A t-shirt with kittens
4. Photos of kittens in frames that have kittens painted on them
Things that Primo wants to bring home that I do not want
1. Family photos. He doesn't look at the family photos he already has. They are just random photos tossed into boxes, not organized neatly into albums the way my mom's family photos are. I used to think my mom was a bit OCD in her relentless organization of things, but now I realize that her way is the right way and everyone should do it that way.
2. His mother's silver. I want it only if I can sell it. I will not polish it. Ever. I am done with that BS.
3. His dad's thesis. Why? Primo never had any interest in secondary English poets before. Why would he want to read his dad's thesis now?
4. A pie thingy.
5. His sister's medical records. Actually, he doesn't want to bring them home, but there are boxes of records and frustrated letters that his parents wrote, trying to get Nancy help. I think he feels that if he throws that stuff away, he is throwing his sister away.
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Trade the silver, the photos, the thesis for everything with kittens. Suggest a grandchild who loves English might want that thesis. Pie thingies have to go. Sister's medical records need to go so his sister can rest in peace.
ReplyDeleteI'd say let him keep the photos (and maybe the thesis). Sell the silver and do something fun with the money. Donate the kitten crap. Ceremonially burn his sister's medical records as a final goodbye.
ReplyDeleteGood suggestions. You simply can't keep the medical records. You would not want they to "get out" somehow and for others to read them - HIPPA and all that. A ceremonial burn is a great idea. Definitely sell the silver. I cana't even give mine to nieces who theoretically love me.
ReplyDeleteI think Primo needs help Goldie. Some grief and trauma counseling would do him good. To lose both parents in such a short space of time plus having to deal with all the mess left behind (plus Ted) left him no time to grieve properly. That's why he is clinging to useless stuff related to them.
ReplyDeleteFrancesca
This...so much this. It is unbelievably hard to give/throw away things that belonged to your passed loved ones. Especially when it happens as fast as this did.
DeleteAs for the medical records...Primo, maybe sit down in front of the shredder. Give them one last glance through, and shred as you go. It's tragic when someone's life ends over drugs/alchohol and holding on to those papers may be making it hard to finally let the pain go a little. Consider it finishing business your parents could not.
Definitely keep the photos. The thesis and medical records, I'm torn; if those are the only things he has to remember them, keep them. Sell the silver, who uses that stuff anyway? Just throw everything kitten away and the pie thingy (you don't even know what it is)!
ReplyDeleteI recently read "The Life Changing Magic of Tidying Up," like everyone else and their mother and most of it was kind of obnoxious, but I think the author has a lot of fantastic advice for helping people let go of things that don't bring them joy and aren't needed or useful, but are memories of the past and of loved ones. Might be worth quietly placing on his nightstand.
ReplyDelete+1. (Different "Anonymous" here.) This is an empathetic observation and also good advice.
ReplyDeleteMaybe go to a craft fair and look for a nice pice of art *that you LIKE* that reminds Primo of the good times with his sister and let the medical records go.
ReplyDeleteAnd sometimes people hold on to things after someone dies for a while longer, then get rid of them. Having to decide what to do with everything left of his whole family, all at once, is hugely traumatic. Let him take some things, stick them in the dining room or the garage or under a bed, see if Primo can let go of some more of the stuff in 6 months or a year.
ReplyDeleteAfter my grandfather died my mother stuck his golf clubs in her trunk, drove home and then kept them in the trunk for quiet a while before being able to donate them. It isn't rational, but it is human.
Primo's sister was so much more than her illness...I hope he can part with the records - it just keeps the pain alive.
ReplyDeleteKeep the photos - perhaps Primo will organize them. Even if he doesn't they are truly irreplaceable and he will likely want to look at them - or some of them - some day.
ReplyDeleteSell or donate the silver (it may not be worth much). Do Not keep the kitten stuff or the pie thing. I think Ted should be the recipient of the thesis, as the oldest son of the esteemed Sly. And a ceremonial shredding or burning of the medical records would be a good thing.
Oh my goodness, who are these nutty relatives who don't want the silver? I told my new husband we could only buy xyz affordable flatware if we could keep an eye out for a vintage set to use for holidays. I can't find affordable silver anywhere!
ReplyDelete(Webb's nutty relatives, that is. I've read enough of your blog to say "sell the silver!" One wouldn't want mementos of Sly and Doris's abuse, regardless of how nice their silverware might be.)
Delete