You want to know how one writes a thank-you note for a vase that one is about to donate to Goodwill?
Watch and learn, grasshopper.
Dear Doris and Sly,
Primo assures me that an emailed thank you note is just fine, even though I maintain that a handwritten note on paper and sent via the USPS is the proper way to thank somebody for a gift she has bothered to select. But he knows you better than I do and if says this is OK, I will surrender.
Thank you for vase. I usually end up sticking flowers I cut from my garden into water glasses. An actual vase is far more appropriate. I am sure I will be getting a lot of use from this one very soon!
By the way, the cat-obsessed son of yours placed the cast-iron cat on the floor in front of his fireplace. It looks very natural.
It’s a little scary how easy it is for me to lie, although I guess I am not a good enough liar to make Doris and Sly think I approve of them. I have got to work on that.
I am not good enough at lying, however, to express any degree of thanks on Primo’s behalf of the framed – with the option of one of two frames – photo of Sly and Doris looking very stern. If I were mean, I would have written, “The photo you gave Primo is stuck inside a drawer in his spare room. I will let you know if he ever puts it up. He does, by the way, have several photos of his stepdaughters, of his grandparents, of his sister, and of the two of us together in his living room, his office, and his bedroom. So it’s not that he isn’t interested in having photos around. He just doesn’t want photos of you."
But I am not that mean.
And it is not my job to write Primo’s thank-you notes.
 Note to self: Really? Do I really need to work on making them think I approve of them? What would happen if they continued to think – if they knew that they are not my favorite people? As long as I am polite and cordial, do I need to do more? I really want to know the answer to this question. What is the proper way to approach this problem? What does morality demand of us?
 It is not even ever the job of the wife to write the husband’s thank-you notes. It is certainly not the job of the girlfriend.