Ch 10 Sly tells Primo that I am a bad bacon eater, which Primo thinks is horrible news but which I realize, upon reflection, is freedom

Primo: I'm not sure I should tell you this.

Me: Tell me.

Primo: I don’t know. It’s just –

Me: You cannot start a conversation with, “I’m not sure I should tell you this” and then NOT TELL.

Primo: OK. My dad said something about you.

Me: Great. Now what did I do? Besides not go with you for your dad’s birthday.

Primo: He's unhappy about something that happened once when we were visiting. The first time we went.

Me: So not the birthday.

Primo: No.

Me: Wait. You mean the first time I went with you? You mean years ago?

Primo: Yeah.

Me: Not this year. Not at Christmas. But the very first time?

Primo: Yes. But they are also still annoyed that you didn’t sit in the living room and watch the football game with them.

Me: But I did! I did sit there and watch a stupid football game I wasn’t interested in!

Primo: But only after I got you out of the guest room. You didn’t want to watch the game and it’s intentions that matter with them.

Me: Fine. Whatever. What else did I do wrong? Eat with my left hand? Show the soles of my feet to him? Not curtsey? Except I would never curtsey to royalty. I am American. We don’t curtsey. We don’t bow. We do not lower ourselves in the presence of royalty. We fought a war over that.

Primo: I think you are getting a little sidetracked.

Me: Oh yeah. So what was it?

Primo: When he made breakfast that day – remember? – eggs and bacon – he didn't like that you picked the fat off your bacon and just ate the lean.

Me: Of course I don’t remember breakfast! This was years ago!

Primo: OK. But he didn’t like that you ate only the lean part of your bacon.

Me: So?

Primo: You didn’t eat the fat.

Me: And he’s mad about that?

Primo: Yeah.

Me: And how long ago was this?

Primo: A while.

Me: And not only does he think this is something worth discussing but he waits a few years to bring it up?

Primo: Welcome to my world.

Me: He didn’t like how I eat my bacon?

Primo: Yes.

Me: He has been upset about how I eat my bacon for years?

Primo: Yes. He said it was an insult to the host. His exact words were – I wrote them down because even for my dad, this was bizarre – “I was also put off by the obsessive way she ate her bacon, which I considered more than weird. If, in company, one doesn't want to eat what is served, either refuse it or don't eat it.  What she did was an insult to me."

Me: The. Way. I. Eat. Bacon.

Primo: Yes.

Me: Is an insult.

Primo: Yes.

Me: You are making this up.

Primo: Nope.

Me: You are not making this up?

Primo: Nope.

Me: Your dad is full of crap.

Primo: Yes.

Me: And you were worried about telling me this?

Primo: Yes.

Me: Why?

Primo: Because I thought it might upset you.

Me: Ummmm. Yes. Wow. I’m not sure what I think about this. I am upset. But – I am upset because this is so stupid. It’s not like any bacon fat is being wasted – you eat the parts I don’t want – but even if I did waste the fat, so what? So the heck what? Once it’s on my plate, that bacon is my property and I get to decide how I use it, right? I need to think about this.

Primo: You are upset.

Me: Yeah – but you know what? This is a good thing! I have been trying to make someone who is completely irrational like me. And now I know it is never going to happen because it has nothing to do with me.

Primo: No.

Me: Your dad dislikes me for reasons that cannot be fixed. For reasons that have nothing to do with me. He decided he was not going to like me no matter what and has been looking for excuses for that dislike.

Primo: I think that’s it. They weren’t going to like anyone who will take me away from them.

Me: But they didn’t have you when you were married to ex-wife.

Primo: No, but that’s before my sister died and they didn’t even have time to think. But I left ex-wife before Nancy died, so for years, before I met you, I spent a lot of time with them. They got used to it.

Me: They thought that would last forever? That they would have you for every holiday for the rest of their lives?

Primo: I think so.

Me: They were wrong.

Primo: I know. I feel sorry for them but the only reason I spent that much time with them was because I didn’t have anyone else to spend it with. Now I have you.

Me: They don’t like that.

Primo: No.

Me: And they don’t like me – your dad doesn’t like me – because of how I eat bacon. He’s been thinking about that for years.

Primo: That’s what he’s like – he stores up all the things that offend him and parcels them out. And he’ll do it more than once. This will come up again. I’m sorry.

Me: No! This is liberating. There is nothing I can do to make your dad like me. Nothing. So I don’t have to try anymore.