Wednesday, September 9, 2015

In which Doris moves into a nursing home and her roommate's daughter and son in law have stage 4 cancer but they are not jerks and in which we discover Sly is Rasputin

Primo: We got my mom moved in. She's feeling a lot better. The nutritionist met with her and the physical therapist came by. So it's good.

Me: Good.

Primo: Oh! I have a story!

Me: What?

Primo: I have a story for you!

Me: Wow!

Primo: I know! I never tell you stories! I never want to hear stories!

[It's true. He wants only the bullet points, none of the drama. That's why I have to have a blog - I have stories to tell and I have to have an audience out there.]

Primo: The roommate's daughter and son in law were visiting. I was nervous because they are skinny and coughing. I asked if they had a cold because I didn't want to shake hands.

Me: You are phobic. And rude.

Primo: I don't want to get sick!

Me: Just eat right and get enough rest and your immune system will be strong.

Primo: Anyhow, I asked them and they said no, they both have stage 4 lung cancer.

Me: What? [Thinking - that is a horrible story!]

Primo: I know. It's awful. But you know what the guy said when he shook my hand?

Me: What?

Primo: "Every time I meet someone new, it's a chance to make a new friend."

Me: Wow.

Primo: He was so nice! Here he is, going through chemo, and he is still nice!

Me: You mean he's not bitter and angry and lashing out at the world?

Primo: You mean he should have said, "Every time I meet someone new, it's a chance to criticize someone new?"

Me: Exactly.

Primo: No! They are both so nice. They asked my mom how she takes her coffee and said they would bring her one tomorrow after their chemo. They are going to chemo in the morning and coming here to see the roommate and they always stop at Dunkin' Donuts first and will also bring my mom a coffee.

Me: Wow. What's it like for your mom to be around nice people?

Primo: Speaking of that. I asked my dad if he would consider not keeping liquor in the house. My mom has been two weeks without booze. If he would stop drinking, then she would, too.

Me: Because there would be no bourbon in the house.

Primo: Yes. I calculated that he drinks about six ounces of booze a day.

Me: Holy smoke.

Primo: Well he weighs 260 pounds.

Me: I would be flat on my back.

Primo: So if he just doesn't have booze around...

Me: Will it make a difference?

Primo: It might help them live longer.

Me: You don't think the damage is already done?

Primo: I don't know. But if they could cut back to just beer and win---

Me: Wait! You said no booze in the house.

Primo: Right. No booze. But beer and wine, yes.

Me: Beer and wine is booze.

Primo: No. Booze is hard liquor.

Me: Oh for pete's sake.

Primo: So then it would be just a few ounces a day. Now he's drinking the booze and half a bottle of wine and maybe a beer.


  1. This is a no comment. You are a saint.

  2. Adopted. Primo is adopted. Totally. Or they switched him at the hospital. Accidentally. Or not. But. He. Is. Not. Theirs.

    Have u ever thought of Dna testing???

    Peope like Sly are a waste on the system. No matter how educated u r, those phds dont count for shit if u cant even use ur brain to figure ur own life out.


Sorry about the new commenting requirements - I have been getting spammed like crazy.