Sunday, October 9, 2016

In which Ted emails Primo to remind him that the end of June is almost here and where is his money and oh, by the way, Primo, you are either stupid or dishonest

From Ted:

From: ted@icloud.com
Subject: checking in on timetables
Date: Sun, 26 Jun 2016 22:34:55 +0100
CC: tedswife@gmail.com; jack@icloud.com
To: primo@hotmail.com 

Hey Primo, How you doing on estate stuff? You wrote that before July funds were forthcoming. 

Today is TedsSon's 21st birthday. 

I’m leaving London tomorrow after 2 extraordinarily difficult weeks of nonstop 17-hour days. Getting too old for that shit, especially managing entitled “millennial” know-littles. Brexit is a goat-fuck in the making. Odd time to be here. 

Let me know if you might have some time to discuss estate check writing timetables; also, I need to check your math. Hope you and Goldy are well.

cheers





Translations  in line:

Hey Primo,
 
How you doing on estate stuff? You wrote that before July funds were forthcoming. 


Hey! You said I would have MONEY before the end of June! It's almost the end of June! Where is my money? Where is my money? I am middle aged with an excellent education. We don't eat leftovers. We shop at Dean and Delucca. I am remodeling my house. I HAVE TO STEAL FROM MY MENTALLY-DISABLED SON'S TRUST TO MAINTAIN MY LIFESTYLE! Sure, I could get a 9 to 5 job, but that's for little people. Not for me. Give me some money. Lots of it. Lots and lots of it.

Today is TedsSon's 21st birthday. 

Send him some money. 

I’m leaving London tomorrow after 2 extraordinarily difficult weeks of nonstop 17-hour days. Getting too old for that shit, especially managing entitled “millennial” know-littles. 

Can you believe how horrible it is to deal with entitled people? They are soooo annoying! I suffer so much. Send me some money.

Brexit is a goat-fuck in the making. Odd time to be here.

I am a classy know it all.
 
Let me know if you might have some time to discuss estate check writing timetables; 


When are you going to send me some money? I want more money. Send it. Now. And if you won't send it, perhaps you will yield to the implicit threat of a phone call from me. I WANT THAT MONEY. IT'S MINE. MINEMINEMINE.

also, I need to check your math.

1. You are stupid. Sure, you graduated from a top university at 19 Phi Beta Kappa and summa with a degree in electrical engineering. I guess you might have had to take some math classes. But clearly I, with my liberal arts degree, am better at math than you are.

or

2. You are dishonest. OK, you can do math. But if I were you, I would be stealing from the trust, so I am sure you must be doing the same things.
 
Hope you and Goldy are well.


When are you going to send me some money?

cheers


Send me some money.

5 comments:

  1. So... reading between the lines, you think that he wants money ... soon?

    ReplyDelete
  2. Going through the same crap as you. Just remember that eventually it will be completely over & you will never have to deal with bro again!

    ReplyDelete
  3. This is an uncharitable translation. Clearly, Ted meant to imply that his brother is a talented man who can juggle being both stupid AND dishonest with grace and dexterity.

    ReplyDelete

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