In which I can't figure out how to bend another person to my will

Turns out Sly was using the walker and he still fell.

This does not bode well for his future.

Primo is all full of agita because this is super stressful.

His stress is not helped by Ted and Jack, who want to send messages using the Apple messenger, iMessenger. It doesn't work well with non-Apple phones. Primo had called yesterday morning and Jack told him that he couldn't talk just then because Sly had to go to the bathroom and that Jack would call back.

Half an hour later, Jack had not called.

"That's an awfully long time for someone to need for the bathroom," I said.

Turns out Jack had sent a note using iMessenger only Primo did not get the original note or the 17 that followed as Jack and Ted talked via iMessenger (rather than just picking up the darn phone - once you have more than a few texts, it is time to talk and I say that as someone who hates talking on the phone) until five hours later.

He asked them to use facebook messenger or regular text, explaining that there was a long delay in his getting information.

Ted's response?

"Get a real phone."

Would you be ticked off if someone wrote you a flip response like that?

I would.

I was.

So was Primo.

Primo replied ( rather tactfully, I thought, because I am already at Bitch Eating Crackers stage with Ted), "Funny, but if you want me to have information, you need to use another way to communicate. If I don't get the message, it's your problem, not mine."

Except of course it is also Primo's problem because he can't stand not knowing (can anyone? Isn't that what caused the original Fall? the desire to know?) and because he is way too involved in this whole thing.

My sister, who is a nurse practitioner, and her husband, who lost his first wife to cancer, are visiting. Their advice is that Primo should draw some boundaries.

My sister's words: "Your dad is an adult. He gets to make his own decisions. You cannot force him to eat. You cannot force him to drink enough water. You cannot make him do rehab. You cannot make him want to get well or to do the things necessary to get well. In fact, if you spend all of your time there in the rehab center with him, you are actually making it more comfortable for him and giving him less incentive to work to get out of there."

Primo knows all of this intellectually but emotionally, he is caught up in this. I can't make him set boundaries, but I sure get frustrated that I am losing my husband to a mean old man. I want Primo to say, "Enough" and walk away - or at least not spend all of his time down there.

If that won't happen, I want Sly to be man enough to give Primo permission to walk away: "Primo, you have spent the past two and a half months here with me. That's enough. It's time for you to get back to your life."

I can't make either of those happen, which means I am probably not going to see my husband again for the next few weeks after he leaves tomorrow. And we might have to cancel our vacation, which we have been planning for a year. I want Primo to tell Sly to drop dead.

OK. I want Primo to tell Sly, "Dad, we have gotten you through the crisis stage and now it's time for you to concentrate on getting well by eating right, drinking enough water, and doing your rehab. You don't need me for any of that. It's something you have to want for yourself. I will call you every day, but for now, I am stepping back."