In which Ted, Ted'sWife, and Jack come over to Sly and Doris' house to take what they want

Only it's not that efficient. They decide to help clean, which is great, in theory, except it stresses Primo out completely not to be in control of what's going on.

I am happy because stuff is getting done and Ted'sWife and I agree that all the plastic plants and flowers should go straight into the trash.

I am also happy because we are throwing away papers and magazines en masse. If Primo were doing it, he would want to read every single piece of paper to make sure it's not important.

Old coupons are not important.

Old membership cars to the Sierra Club are not important.

Old address labels are not important.

Old magazines are not important.

Here are some items encountered during the frenzy:

1. Bundles of receipts for charitable donations for tax deductions, secured with rubber bands, tossed in a drawer
2. Five handsfuls of blank greeting cards. Primo asked if I might want them and I just looked at him and raised my eyebrows.
3. Five bottles of dried parsley. Three unopened containers of bread crumbs. Six unopened boxes of graham crackers. Three jars of cloves. Three bottles of vanilla.
4. Phone books from years ago. Phone books, period. Who uses a phone book any more?
5. Carry-out cups and lids from coffee places, washed and stashed at the top of the cupboard.
6. A book called "What's Your Poo Telling You?" Ted suggested to Primo that we might like to have it at our house and I gave Ted the Glare of Death.
7.  Four rolls of tin foil. One roll of plastic wrap. "Is it Saran Wrap?" Primo asked. "We need some." Nope. It was cheap Wal-Mart store brand. (Remember Sly and Doris hated Wal-Mart for its labor practices but still shopped there.)
8. Shells. Lots of shells. Shells wrapped in a cut-up paper bag.
9. Two huge files with Nancy's medical records and copies of letters that Sly and Doris had written that included references to "so-called 'professionals'" and "so-called 'treatment' and warehousing." I read only a little bit. It was heartbreaking. I am no fan of Sly and Doris, but I cannot imagine the anguish of a parent trying to get treatment for a sick child.
10. About a dozen of those cheap vases that come when you have flowers delivered. They were on top of a cabinet and covered with sticky dust - you know - the kind of dust you get when something is by the kitchen and there is frying and fat floats in the air and sticks on things and then the dust sticks to the fat? That kind of sticky dust.
11. A letter I had written to Doris, years ago, crammed underneath the receipts and address labels.










n. And Ted found a dildo in the drawer next to Sly's side of the bed.