Oh! I forgot! So while Sly is threatening to disinherit Primo, even though he has not even inherited Primo, as I had noted when I read the will six years ago, my mom is trying to give her money away.
My brother has had a rough time over the past 18 months. He had some eye problems that we were worried might be indicators of multiple sclerosis but fortunately, are not, but still have led to some permanent loss of vision. Considering he does architectural renderings, a loss of vision is a big deal.
He had had his own business for many years, but because of his eyes and other health issues, including some depression, he closed his business. Actually, I think he lost his biggest client and then the depression became worse and my sister and my mom and I were all really worried and we thought my brother might be suicidal and if you have ever watched someone you love go through this kind of thing, you will know how awful the whole thing was. I lay in bed at night, unable to sleep because I was so worried that I would get a call that my brother was dead.
My sister and I convinced my mom to drive down to see my brother and give him some support. My mom spent about a week with my brother and things got a little better. I helped him with his job search, using what I have learned from Alison at Ask A Manager, and he had a new job within a month.
Unfortunately, he lost the job - they didn't like his designs, which is the risk you run in an artistic profession.
Primo and I sent money to my brother. My sister the nurse practitioner talked to his doctor. I prayed.
Last month, my brother got a new job. He starts tomorrow. It is for the state university. Pay is only OK, but benefits are fabulous and I think my brother will do well.
Last week, I got a letter from my mom. It contained a check for several thousand dollars.
My mother is a widow who lives on a very fixed income. She gets some money every month from the VA because my dad's death was classified as service related. (He died from a cancer that has been linked to Agent Orange. He was in Vietnam, so may have been exposed.) But other than that, she just has the money she and my dad saved in the few years they worked in Saudi Arabia. They had no money in the bank when I went to college. The military does not pay a lot.
So my mom sends me $$$$ and a letter explaining that she wants to make sure she is being fair with my brother and my sister and me. She had been helping my brother during his unemployment and with his medical bills.
First, I don't want her money. I mean sure, I would love some extra cash - a lot of extra cash, but I want my mom to have enough money for the next 26 years and even if she has more than she needs to live to 96, I want her to spend it on herself. When my grandmother was in assisted living, it cost $3,000 a month and that was not even the expensive kind - she could feed and toilet herself. I don't want my mom to be in a crummy place and I don't want her denying herself just so she can leave money to her kids.
She is concerned with being fair but I don't begrudge her helping my brother. If he were some lazy bum who wouldn't get a job, then I would be bothered, but he is not lazy. He has always been a hard worker and he has always worked. He has never taken advantage of my parents. If she gave him that money, it was because he really needed it.
Second and mainly, I find it highly ironic that Sly and Doris are threatening to disinherit Primo - Sly and Doris, who have so much more than my mother does, although my mom does not spend money on booze, so perhaps she is ahead of Sly and Doris - while my mom is bending over backwards to make sure that she is treating all her children fairly. This is yet another example of my mom wins over Sly and Doris.