Remember the potted lemon tree that Doris sent to us?
The tropical plant?
That needs eight hours of sun a day and can't have the temperature be lower than 70?
The plant that needs to live someplace like Florida? And not in the frozen north where Primo and I live? The place Doris knew that we lived because she had been here?
In the winter, there is not one single spot in our house that gets eight hours of sun. I think there is not even a spot outside of the house that gets eight hours of sun. We are in a place where winter is long, cold, and very, very dark.
Lucky us.
(Primo and I were talking about retirement, something that we both hope can happen someday and for which we will eventually need to plan. He asked where I wanted to be when we are 70 and I said, Not here. I don't even want to be here now. I want to be someplace where I can go outside year round and not have to be cold. I want to go someplace where that darn plant would have thrived.)
Doris blessherheart maysherestinpeace sent us a tropical plant for our house.
1. You guys, I feel bad speaking ill of the dead, but Doris does hold a lot of the blame here - she is the one who wrote a letter to me telling me I would have to suck it up and earn her love and approval. All she had to do was to be nice to me and I would have bent over backwards for her, especially considering how mean Sly was to her, but I guess she wanted someone she could beat up on - someone lower in the hierarchy than she was.
2. There was not one single houseplant in our house when they came for our wedding. Maybe instead of thinking, Hmm. Here is a person who hates houseplants, Doris thought, No houseplants? I can fix that! In which case I have to say that was a generous impulse.
3. Tropical, high-maintenance plant. For a non-tropical environment. Really?
For what - six? five? years I have watered that darn plant and put it outside in the summer and tried to keep it warm in the winter. We do not keep our house at 70 degrees in the winter because we are not made of money. Our house stays a lot colder than that (have I mentioned I was tricked into moving here?) and we wear a lot of clothes at once and I keep a nice layer of fat on me for warmth.
I have coddled that darn plant - which I never wanted - and have wished it dead.
Primo came home from his trip. He looked at the straggly, almost-leafless lemon tree.
"Now that my mother is dead," he said, "I think it is safe to throw this plant away."
Which shocked the heck out of me and to quote my friend Ray Daniel, the author, "and the devil put on a sweater."
I had the sense to keep my mouth shut. (For once.)
And now the tree is gone. As it should be. Rest in peace, potted Meyer lemon tree that never should have been here.
Thursday, December 31, 2015
In which I think about the things I wish I had done differently with my father, whom I loved so, so much and who died way before he should have and who should have lived until 81 instead of Sly living until that age
It is exactly 18 years since my dad died. Here are the things I wish I could have done differently:
1. Tried tomatoes with salt and pepper instead of sugar when he told me they tasted good that way.
2. Believed him when he said tomatoes taste different depending on how you slice them. Of course he was absolutely right - the ratios of skin to pulp change and necessarily affect flavor.
3. Gone down to his workshop to listen to the radio with him when he asked. Why didn't I spend time with him when I could have? Why?
4. Not rolled my eyes at the idea of my mom and his buying an RV to travel around the country.
5. Not been ashamed my sophomore year of college after he had retired from the Air Force at the age of 49 and gone back to school to get his teacher certification and had gotten a job at Wal-Mart for extra cash. My college friends' dads were VPs at F100 companies and my dad was working at Wal-Mart. I am ashamed of being ashamed. Honest work is honest work.
6. Gotten up early to hit the Rochester Minnesota thrift shops with him. I lived with my mom and dad for a few months after I got back from the Peace Corps. This was when they were in Minnesota. My dad would get up early - like 5 a.m. - to swim laps at the gym, then come home and want to hang out with me. I would get cranky and tell him I wanted to sleep. I wish I could go back to my 30 year old self and warn myself that my dad would be dead within two years and to take all the time I possibly could with him.
7. Sat next to him to watch Hill Street Blues, which he really liked.
8. I think he liked Law and Order, too, although I might be remembering wrong - was that on 18 years ago?
9. Gone bike riding with him.
10. Told him how much I loved him and how lucky I was to have such a great dad. I hope he knew that's how I felt. I think I told him that. I hope I did. I knew even then how lucky I was and I for sure know now, now that I have seen what a bad father looks like.
1. Tried tomatoes with salt and pepper instead of sugar when he told me they tasted good that way.
2. Believed him when he said tomatoes taste different depending on how you slice them. Of course he was absolutely right - the ratios of skin to pulp change and necessarily affect flavor.
3. Gone down to his workshop to listen to the radio with him when he asked. Why didn't I spend time with him when I could have? Why?
4. Not rolled my eyes at the idea of my mom and his buying an RV to travel around the country.
5. Not been ashamed my sophomore year of college after he had retired from the Air Force at the age of 49 and gone back to school to get his teacher certification and had gotten a job at Wal-Mart for extra cash. My college friends' dads were VPs at F100 companies and my dad was working at Wal-Mart. I am ashamed of being ashamed. Honest work is honest work.
6. Gotten up early to hit the Rochester Minnesota thrift shops with him. I lived with my mom and dad for a few months after I got back from the Peace Corps. This was when they were in Minnesota. My dad would get up early - like 5 a.m. - to swim laps at the gym, then come home and want to hang out with me. I would get cranky and tell him I wanted to sleep. I wish I could go back to my 30 year old self and warn myself that my dad would be dead within two years and to take all the time I possibly could with him.
7. Sat next to him to watch Hill Street Blues, which he really liked.
8. I think he liked Law and Order, too, although I might be remembering wrong - was that on 18 years ago?
9. Gone bike riding with him.
10. Told him how much I loved him and how lucky I was to have such a great dad. I hope he knew that's how I felt. I think I told him that. I hope I did. I knew even then how lucky I was and I for sure know now, now that I have seen what a bad father looks like.
Wednesday, December 30, 2015
In which Primo brings home more junk and we fight on the way home from the airport but then we realize how much Ted is ticking both of us off so we recover
Things that Primo has brought home on this trip
Subject: Re: Reimbursable FL travel costs
From: ted
Date: Wed
CC: tedswife
To: primo
Just opening this email now. Primo, I feel sorry for you. I shall re-read this later and act upon it.
- Alleve
- Two lobster cracking utensils. In the almost ten years I have known Primo, we have never cooked lobster (Primo: No! That's not true! I only brought one lobster cracker! You brought the other one earlier! - which is true - I brought it home as a nutcracker.)
- An old Emily Post book from 1965
- A glass cat
- A brass cat
- A pull thingy with a glass pig on the end
- A cheese grater
- An All-Clad pan (in Primo's defense, I did say yes to that one)
- A potato masher
- A cheese grater (I also said yes to that)
- Cat refrigerator magnets
- A photo of his nice grandparents
- Photos of the cats he had when he was a kid
- A pair of wooden shoes he got when he was a kid and they went to Holland, MI
- One of two hip flasks from the house
- A bunch of legal papers, including things like the title to the house, that were not in Sly's office, not in the file cabinet (that's for naked photos of Sly and Doris), but in the spare room, where the potty chair, the craft equipment, some old board games, and an empty bookcase were stored
What he did not bring home
- A lot more cat and pig junk
- An old crocheted shawl of Doris' that he thought I might like because I am always cold and that I would not have liked even if it had not belonged to Doris because it is an old, frayed, dingy shawl. But mostly because it belonged to Doris. Yes, I know I am a b*tch.
What we fought about:
On the way home from the airport, Primo detoured downtown to the downtown post office. Why? Because he wanted to get some bills in the mail.
These are payments for his father's bills.
That he wants in the mail one day early.
For someone whose credit rating no longer matters.
I went straight from work to the airport and left earlier than I had planned because his flight was supposed to be early, which it was, only he didn't get off the plane until much later because the plane had to wait for a gate. So I waited 27 minutes in the cellphone waiting area and I had had water before I left work so I HAD TO PEE and I wanted to get home and he was detouring to go to the darn post office?
So we fought.
But then we bonded over how Ted is still being a jerk.
The two emails Ted sent this week, referring to Primo's email that he would not reimburse him $875 for a frequent flier ticket.
Subject: Re: Reimbursable FL travel costs
From: ted
Date: Wed
CC: tedswife
To: primo
As noted, I’ll address this later.
From: ted
Date: Wed
CC: tedswife
To: primo
As noted, I’ll address this later.
Primo, your behavior is the OPPOSITE of what [Ted's other half brother from his mom] is as the Trustee of my mother’s estate and the OPPOSITE of what [TedsWifesSister] is as the Trustee of [TedsWifesMom, who is not dead] estate. Unfortunately, it’s revealing a lot about you that I don’t care to know.
As the Custodian of [TedsSon], a Named Beneficiary, I have full legal rights to know everything about how our father’s trust is being handled.
You are succeeding in rapidly losing my trust.
Subject: Re: Reimbursable FL travel costs
From: ted
Date: Wed
CC: tedswife
To: primo
Just opening this email now. Primo, I feel sorry for you. I shall re-read this later and act upon it.
Tuesday, December 29, 2015
In which Primo thinks about how a kingdom was lost for the want of a nail
Primo: If my mom had died the day before my dad's surgery, he never would have had the surgery and he would be alive to deal with all this stuff.
Me: Hmmmmm.
Primo: He would.
Me: Except I expect you would still be doing everything you are doing now because your dad just wouldn't do what needed to be done, plus you would be taking care of your dad.
Me: And if your dad had not fallen on your mom and broken her knees, then she might still be alive.
Primo: I know.
Me: I would never let you lie in pain for four days.
Primo: Sweetie, my dad is old. And the ER said nothing was wrong with her.
Me: Since when did your father ever accept someone else's authority? He was the smartest man in the world.
Primo: What was he supposed to do?
Me: Call 911! I swear, if you were in horrible pain and couldn't move and I had to bring a trash can for you to pee in, I would not stop until I had answers. I would not watch someone I loved in pain without trying to do something. Your dad is directly responsible for most of your mother's suffering.
Primo: I know.
Me: Hmmmmm.
Primo: He would.
Me: Except I expect you would still be doing everything you are doing now because your dad just wouldn't do what needed to be done, plus you would be taking care of your dad.
Me: And if your dad had not fallen on your mom and broken her knees, then she might still be alive.
Primo: I know.
Me: I would never let you lie in pain for four days.
Primo: Sweetie, my dad is old. And the ER said nothing was wrong with her.
Me: Since when did your father ever accept someone else's authority? He was the smartest man in the world.
Primo: What was he supposed to do?
Me: Call 911! I swear, if you were in horrible pain and couldn't move and I had to bring a trash can for you to pee in, I would not stop until I had answers. I would not watch someone I loved in pain without trying to do something. Your dad is directly responsible for most of your mother's suffering.
Primo: I know.
Monday, December 28, 2015
In which Stephanie's friend who is helping Primo says she might take Cat 1
Stephanie's friend has been helping Primo plan the garage sale and advising him on what can be sold and maybe for how much and she has been an angel and won't let Primo pay her (but we are going to get her a gift card to a really nice restaurant) has said she might take Cat #1 because her dog is old and sick.
Primo has been really worried about the cats. It is not easy to place older cats. Even kittens can have a hard time. Stephanie and I saw a cage full of kittens at the farmers market the weekend of Sly's funeral. Kittens are little and cute and fun and if you can't give a kitten away, good luck with an older cat.
So this is good news.
Primo has been really worried about the cats. It is not easy to place older cats. Even kittens can have a hard time. Stephanie and I saw a cage full of kittens at the farmers market the weekend of Sly's funeral. Kittens are little and cute and fun and if you can't give a kitten away, good luck with an older cat.
So this is good news.
Sunday, December 27, 2015
In which Primo finds Sly's sex diary while he is looking for information about a safe deposit box that may or may not exist
Primo: I found a sex diary on my dad's desk, mixed in with all kinds of other papers.
Me: A WHAT?
Primo: I looked at long enough to make sure he was writing about sex with my mom and not with anyone else, then I put it in drawer with nude pictures.
Me: Oh man.
Primo: I did read one gross part. Nancy had a waterbed when she lived with them. He wrote about having sex with my mom on the waterbed when Nancy wasn't at home.
Me: How did you find it?
Primo: I was looking for information about a safe deposit box. There are documents and lists about a safe deposit box - a list that says passports, car title, and things like that, but I have found those documents, so I don't even know if there is a safe deposit box.
Me: You laugh at how much I think about worst-case scenarios, but this kind of stuff would never happen with me. Or with my mom. I have my mom's safe-deposit box key! I have her papers! I have her will!
Primo: I don't even know if there is one. My dad never mentioned one.
Me: But why? Why didn't he tell you these things?
Primo: My dad didn't think he was going to die
Me: He thought he was immortal? Did he think he was Jesus Christ?
Primo: I don't know. Shouldn't we have a sex diary? I wonder if my mom knew about the diary. Did they do it together?
Me: A WHAT?
Primo: I looked at long enough to make sure he was writing about sex with my mom and not with anyone else, then I put it in drawer with nude pictures.
Me: Oh man.
Primo: I did read one gross part. Nancy had a waterbed when she lived with them. He wrote about having sex with my mom on the waterbed when Nancy wasn't at home.
Me: How did you find it?
Primo: I was looking for information about a safe deposit box. There are documents and lists about a safe deposit box - a list that says passports, car title, and things like that, but I have found those documents, so I don't even know if there is a safe deposit box.
Me: You laugh at how much I think about worst-case scenarios, but this kind of stuff would never happen with me. Or with my mom. I have my mom's safe-deposit box key! I have her papers! I have her will!
Primo: I don't even know if there is one. My dad never mentioned one.
Me: But why? Why didn't he tell you these things?
Primo: My dad didn't think he was going to die
Me: He thought he was immortal? Did he think he was Jesus Christ?
Primo: I don't know. Shouldn't we have a sex diary? I wonder if my mom knew about the diary. Did they do it together?
Friday, December 25, 2015
And Christmas stuff with a glaring cat who wants the dot NOW
Primo: Oh! I am invited to a party tonight!
Me: Who has a party on Christmas?
Primo: Political people.
Me: OK. Better said - who goes to a party on Christmas day? It's a day to spend with the people you like! With your family!
Primo: Maybe for when people finish with the family stuff?
Me: Oh! Right! It's for people who don't want to be with their families.
Primo: Maybe.
Me: If we had been invited to a party when we were at your mom and dad's for Christmas, I would totally have gone, just to get away from your mom and dad.
Primo: Me, too.
Me: Who has a party on Christmas?
Primo: Political people.
Me: OK. Better said - who goes to a party on Christmas day? It's a day to spend with the people you like! With your family!
Primo: Maybe for when people finish with the family stuff?
Me: Oh! Right! It's for people who don't want to be with their families.
Primo: Maybe.
Me: If we had been invited to a party when we were at your mom and dad's for Christmas, I would totally have gone, just to get away from your mom and dad.
Primo: Me, too.
Thursday, December 24, 2015
In which I admit that I, too, could be a Very Greedy Person, but only for Nice Things
I want to comment further on something I mentioned. I talked about how greedy Ted and Ted's Wife were being about taking stuff from Sly and Doris' house and how the only things Primo and I want are the Good Knives, the Scrabble game, a nutcracker, the big ziplocks, and the silver.
This is not because I am morally superior and have lost the craving for Nice Things.
I want Nice Things. I want this bag in every color. I want most of these shoes. I want this bag, only with longer handles, although if I had this bag, I would have People to do the things in my life that need hands, like carrying groceries or opening car doors.
I did not walk out of that house empty handed because I am A Better Person.
I walked out empty handed because Sly and Doris had horrible taste and bought cheap stuff.
My main beef with Ted and Ted's Wife is their rude, greedy behavior but my second beef with them is why they would want any of that stuff in the first place. Honestly. Greedy AND bad taste?
This is not because I am morally superior and have lost the craving for Nice Things.
I want Nice Things. I want this bag in every color. I want most of these shoes. I want this bag, only with longer handles, although if I had this bag, I would have People to do the things in my life that need hands, like carrying groceries or opening car doors.
I did not walk out of that house empty handed because I am A Better Person.
I walked out empty handed because Sly and Doris had horrible taste and bought cheap stuff.
My main beef with Ted and Ted's Wife is their rude, greedy behavior but my second beef with them is why they would want any of that stuff in the first place. Honestly. Greedy AND bad taste?
Wednesday, December 23, 2015
In which Primo decides to let C1, who is lonely, sleep with him
Primo: Poor C1. She is lonely. Her people are gone. C2 is gone. She is lonely. Every time I sit down, she sits in my lap.
Me: Poor kitty.
Primo: At night, I don't have to barricade the door any more because C2 is gone, but poor C1 sits outside the door and is lonely all night.
Me: Why don't you let her sleep with you?
Primo: Because the cats aren't allowed in the guest room.
Me: Why not?
Primo: Because.
Me: But your mom and dad are dead. It's not like there will be overnight guests. And C1 doesn't shed much that I can tell, so it's not like she'll get cat hair all over.
Primo: I guess.
Me: You should let her sleep with you.
Primo: I know. I feel sorry for her. She misses her people and she misses C2. She is last thing I have of my sister - we picked her out together. I'll do it.
Me: Poor kitty.
Primo: At night, I don't have to barricade the door any more because C2 is gone, but poor C1 sits outside the door and is lonely all night.
Me: Why don't you let her sleep with you?
Primo: Because the cats aren't allowed in the guest room.
Me: Why not?
Primo: Because.
Me: But your mom and dad are dead. It's not like there will be overnight guests. And C1 doesn't shed much that I can tell, so it's not like she'll get cat hair all over.
Primo: I guess.
Me: You should let her sleep with you.
Primo: I know. I feel sorry for her. She misses her people and she misses C2. She is last thing I have of my sister - we picked her out together. I'll do it.
In which someone asks, "Is that for cigarettes?"
Primo: I got a lot done today. Stephanie's friend, Madge, came over to help.
Me: Oh right! She used to own a thrift store, right?
Primo: Yes. And she used to put on estate sales, too.
Me: How much is she charging?
Primo: Nothing! She won't let me pay her! She is doing this just because she is Stephanie's friend.
Me: Wow. A nice gift card, I think. Stephanie can tell you where Madge likes.
Primo: She told me what to charge for some of the furniture. I didn't know. One of the neighbors wants some stuff for her son's new apartment.
Me: Good.
Primo: And she wants to have a garage sale.
Me: Oh you'll love that.
Primo: She said that even if you put in the ad that it starts at 9 a.m., people will show up at 5:30! And they wear those miners' lights!
Me: People are crazy.
Primo: I don't want to be up at 5:30! I asked her why you can't tell people just to go away and she said because you want their money.
Me: This is not for you!
Primo: She found an ashtray. I was going to throw it away and she said to keep it. "Someday, it will be a collectors' item," she said.
Me: Oh right! She used to own a thrift store, right?
Primo: Yes. And she used to put on estate sales, too.
Me: How much is she charging?
Primo: Nothing! She won't let me pay her! She is doing this just because she is Stephanie's friend.
Me: Wow. A nice gift card, I think. Stephanie can tell you where Madge likes.
Primo: She told me what to charge for some of the furniture. I didn't know. One of the neighbors wants some stuff for her son's new apartment.
Me: Good.
Primo: And she wants to have a garage sale.
Me: Oh you'll love that.
Primo: She said that even if you put in the ad that it starts at 9 a.m., people will show up at 5:30! And they wear those miners' lights!
Me: People are crazy.
Primo: I don't want to be up at 5:30! I asked her why you can't tell people just to go away and she said because you want their money.
Me: This is not for you!
Primo: She found an ashtray. I was going to throw it away and she said to keep it. "Someday, it will be a collectors' item," she said.
Tuesday, December 22, 2015
In which Primo is sad because he is the only one alive from his immediate family
Primo: I am so tired. I did a lot of work today, but there is still so much to be done.
Me: I know, sweetie. It is a huge burden.
Primo: And I'm not like you - I can't just throw things away.
Me: No, that is not your forte.
Primo: I have to throw away boxes of my mom's stuff about Nancy and mental health. She wanted to write a book.
Me: That's a lot.
Primo: I feel guilty about it - all her work - but that's not my work. I am not going to carry on her work.
Me: It's OK. I truly do not think your mom would expect you to do that. I just wish she had lived longer than your dad so she could have had some peace.
Primo: I get so distracted doing this. I start reading the papers and notes and books and looking at the photos. But it's my family and they are all dead. I am the only one now. It makes me sad.
Me: I know, sweetie. It is a huge burden.
Primo: And I'm not like you - I can't just throw things away.
Me: No, that is not your forte.
Primo: I have to throw away boxes of my mom's stuff about Nancy and mental health. She wanted to write a book.
Me: That's a lot.
Primo: I feel guilty about it - all her work - but that's not my work. I am not going to carry on her work.
Me: It's OK. I truly do not think your mom would expect you to do that. I just wish she had lived longer than your dad so she could have had some peace.
Primo: I get so distracted doing this. I start reading the papers and notes and books and looking at the photos. But it's my family and they are all dead. I am the only one now. It makes me sad.
In which Ted calls Primo and screams at him because he is so angry that he will not be making money off going to his own father's funeral
The day Primo sends the email to Ted explaining how much he will reimburse Ted for TED TO ATTEND HIS OWN FATHER'S FUNERAL, Ted calls Primo and screams at him.
In which Primo gives Ted a super calm, reasoned explanation of why $875 cash reimbursement for a 25,000 frequent flier miles ticket that the airline charges about one cent apiece for is a bad idea
This is super long, but I want you to read for yourself and realize that Primo is being reasonable, calm, and non-confrontational in his explanation to Ted that he will not be reimbursing Ted $875 for a frequent flier miles ticket that costs $300 on the open market.
Ted,
Regarding your request for a timetable: I called [the financial advisor's] office to check on the status of the trust accounts and spoke to one of his assistants within the past hour. Last week, I filled out multiple forms to open a new account over which I will have control as Trustee and to authorize the transfer of assets from the original trust account into the new account. The new account has been opened, the transfer should occur within the next couple of days, and I should have checks for the new account by the end of next week. It is good that I called today because the checks had not been ordered; they must be sent to my home address and should arrive within a day or two of my arrival there (next Wednesday evening).
You mentioned my "fiduciary duty to our father’s estate regarding his will, his wishes, and [any] codicils he entered into." As specified in the trust document, my fiduciary duty is to the beneficiaries of the trust: your son, Michael, Maria, and Pia. Dad's will exists primarily to sweep any residue of his estate into the trust. You are not mentioned in the will or in the trust document. Jack is not mentioned in the will or in the trust document. I am mentioned in the will only as the Successor Personal Representative, and I am mentioned in the trust document only as the Successor Trustee (and as the contingent beneficiary only if all four grandchildren were to predecease me, which did not occur).
As far as I know, Dad's will had no codicils (and my mother's will also had none). Dad did mention a desire to make some changes to the trust document, but no changes were made. As we know, his demise was sudden and unexpected; we had every reason to believe that his remaining time would be measured in months or (a small number of) years. It is unfortunate that he did not make the changes he had been contemplating, but the documents are what they are.
I am aware that Dad informally expressed some wishes that were not included in his will or in the trust document. His statements expressing those wishes-- regardless of whether they were made verbally or written down in personal letters, emails, or other documents on a computer -- do not have the force of law, but as Personal Representative and Trustee I have been granted sufficient discretion to attempt to satisfy those wishes; for example, I am going to do my best to locate the bracelet that Dad wanted [your wife] to have.
Regarding your request for reimbursement of your travel costs: Dad mentioned (when I was in the room) that he did not want you to pay for your travel out-of-pocket. Because he reimbursed me for some of my travel costs and expressed a willingness to cover your costs, I assume that his wish applied to your entire family, and as Trustee I am willing to reimburse you for reasonable costs.
I will reimburse you as requested for the car rental, gasoline, parking, and food. Although the amounts for a couple of those dinners seem a bit high (I've eaten only one $50+/person dinner during all of the time I've spent in Florida since Dad's knee surgery, and that was our big family dinner at Dad's funeral), it was certainly reasonable to buy dinner for Jack and for [your friends], who housed you for several nights and were exceptionally nice and helpful to Dad.
Your request for "reimbursement" of more than $3,000 for five one-way domestic coach flights, only one of which was (or should have been) booked at the last minute, is not reasonable.
First, this is not really reimbursement. To reimburse, according to Merriam-Webster, is "to pay someone an amount of money equal to an amount that person has spent." You used 87,500 frequent-flyer miles and spent $114.79 in airline fees, but you are asking for "reimbursement" of $3045 (which should actually have been $3062.50 at 3.5 cents/mile; your number must have been calculated from 87,000 miles instead of 87,500) in addition to the cost of the airline fees.
Second, the price of miles when buying them from the airlines without traveling (3.5 cents/mile) is greatly inflated and is much higher than their actual value, which is generally acknowledged to be in the range of 1 to 2 cents per mile. It is possible for the value of miles to be as high as 2.3 to 2.5 cents each when they are used for international business-class or first-class travel, but for domestic coach travel a reasonable estimate of the value of the miles is 1.5 cents each. It is easy to confirm this on the Internet. Here are two good sets of estimates:
http://thepointsguy.com/2015/08/august-2015-monthly-valuations/
http://viewfromthewing.boardingarea.com/2014/12/07/value-of-miles-and-points-by-airline/
I am willing to "reimburse" you for the flights in one of two ways:
(1) At 1.5 cents per FF mile plus the fees: 87,500 * 0.015 = $1312.50 + $114.79 = $1427.29
(2) Based on a reasonable estimate of the costs to purchase the same tickets (i.e., what you would have or should have paid to purchase the same tickets using money instead of miles), as explained below.
Segment 1: [Ted's house to Sly's house] nonstop on United on a Saturday, booked the night before. Last Friday (because we were already discussing this), I checked United's website and found that a coach seat on the same flight you took to see Dad could have been purchased for the next day for $376.10. The price of the same flight for this coming Saturday is quite a bit higher: $521.10, although another nonstop flight on the same day is available for $166.10. I'll give you the benefit of the doubt on this segment (because you booked it the night before and thought it was important to arrive in the afternoon, not in the evening) and assign a value of $521.10, which is not far from United's highest price for a coach seat on that route.
Note that your statement "I used FF miles, which cost approximately 1/2 of last-minute airfares" is not true, at least not according to the value you've tried to assign to your miles (3.5 cents each). You spent 25,000 miles on that one-way flight and requested "reimbursement" of $875 (plus fees) for that segment, suggesting that the last-minute price for that ticket might have been more than $1700! (Even the first-class price is $670.10, which is still not anywhere near $875.)
Segment 2: [Ted's house to Sly's house] on Delta, booked several days in advance (after you and I agreed that you would depart and I would arrive on that date). For next Tuesday, this routing is available on Delta for $144.60. For the following Tuesday, it's available for $81.60. Even for later today, it's available for $161.60. I cannot reasonably assign a value greater than $161.60 to this segment.
Segment 3: Again, [Ted's house to Sly's house] nonstop on United on a Saturday (for my mother's funeral), but this time you booked at least a few days in advance. As mentioned previously, I found prices for this route ranging from $166.10 to $521.10. I'll once again give you the benefit of the doubt on this segment and assign a value of $376.10, which is for a ticket in one of the higher fare classes I mentioned above.
Segment 4: [Ted's house to Sly's house] (two tickets, for you and for your son) on Delta on a Friday. We agreed on the date for Dad's service three weeks beforehand, so this was or at least should have been booked well in advance. (I booked the flights for GD and me three weeks in advance.) For a week from Friday, multiple flights with this routing are available on Delta for $161.60 per ticket. For Friday, multiple flights with this routing are available for $211.60 per ticket. I can reasonably assign this segment a value of $211.60 per ticket.
Using this method, the amount to pay you will be the estimated cost of purchasing the flights using the values assigned above. In each case, I have assigned values that are greater than the lowest prices I found.
Segment 1: $521.10
Segment 2: $161.60
Segment 3: $376.10
Segment 4: $211.60 x 2 tickets = $423.20
Total: $1482.00
Note that:
Therefore, when I am able to send you a check, it will be for $2492.60. I should be able to send the check approximately ten days from now, so you should expect to have it about two weeks from now.
Breakdown:
I've made good progress at the house since arriving here on Sunday night. The biggest news is that C2 was adopted yesterday (thanks to Nadine, the neighbor, who worked with a local animal rescue organization that found him a new home).
Primo
P.S. I use my name at the end of an email to honor the tradition of signing one's name at the end of a letter.
Ted,
Regarding your request for a timetable: I called [the financial advisor's] office to check on the status of the trust accounts and spoke to one of his assistants within the past hour. Last week, I filled out multiple forms to open a new account over which I will have control as Trustee and to authorize the transfer of assets from the original trust account into the new account. The new account has been opened, the transfer should occur within the next couple of days, and I should have checks for the new account by the end of next week. It is good that I called today because the checks had not been ordered; they must be sent to my home address and should arrive within a day or two of my arrival there (next Wednesday evening).
You mentioned my "fiduciary duty to our father’s estate regarding his will, his wishes, and [any] codicils he entered into." As specified in the trust document, my fiduciary duty is to the beneficiaries of the trust: your son, Michael, Maria, and Pia. Dad's will exists primarily to sweep any residue of his estate into the trust. You are not mentioned in the will or in the trust document. Jack is not mentioned in the will or in the trust document. I am mentioned in the will only as the Successor Personal Representative, and I am mentioned in the trust document only as the Successor Trustee (and as the contingent beneficiary only if all four grandchildren were to predecease me, which did not occur).
As far as I know, Dad's will had no codicils (and my mother's will also had none). Dad did mention a desire to make some changes to the trust document, but no changes were made. As we know, his demise was sudden and unexpected; we had every reason to believe that his remaining time would be measured in months or (a small number of) years. It is unfortunate that he did not make the changes he had been contemplating, but the documents are what they are.
I am aware that Dad informally expressed some wishes that were not included in his will or in the trust document. His statements expressing those wishes-- regardless of whether they were made verbally or written down in personal letters, emails, or other documents on a computer -- do not have the force of law, but as Personal Representative and Trustee I have been granted sufficient discretion to attempt to satisfy those wishes; for example, I am going to do my best to locate the bracelet that Dad wanted [your wife] to have.
Regarding your request for reimbursement of your travel costs: Dad mentioned (when I was in the room) that he did not want you to pay for your travel out-of-pocket. Because he reimbursed me for some of my travel costs and expressed a willingness to cover your costs, I assume that his wish applied to your entire family, and as Trustee I am willing to reimburse you for reasonable costs.
I will reimburse you as requested for the car rental, gasoline, parking, and food. Although the amounts for a couple of those dinners seem a bit high (I've eaten only one $50+/person dinner during all of the time I've spent in Florida since Dad's knee surgery, and that was our big family dinner at Dad's funeral), it was certainly reasonable to buy dinner for Jack and for [your friends], who housed you for several nights and were exceptionally nice and helpful to Dad.
Your request for "reimbursement" of more than $3,000 for five one-way domestic coach flights, only one of which was (or should have been) booked at the last minute, is not reasonable.
First, this is not really reimbursement. To reimburse, according to Merriam-Webster, is "to pay someone an amount of money equal to an amount that person has spent." You used 87,500 frequent-flyer miles and spent $114.79 in airline fees, but you are asking for "reimbursement" of $3045 (which should actually have been $3062.50 at 3.5 cents/mile; your number must have been calculated from 87,000 miles instead of 87,500) in addition to the cost of the airline fees.
Second, the price of miles when buying them from the airlines without traveling (3.5 cents/mile) is greatly inflated and is much higher than their actual value, which is generally acknowledged to be in the range of 1 to 2 cents per mile. It is possible for the value of miles to be as high as 2.3 to 2.5 cents each when they are used for international business-class or first-class travel, but for domestic coach travel a reasonable estimate of the value of the miles is 1.5 cents each. It is easy to confirm this on the Internet. Here are two good sets of estimates:
http://thepointsguy.com/2015/08/august-2015-monthly-valuations/
http://viewfromthewing.boardingarea.com/2014/12/07/value-of-miles-and-points-by-airline/
I am willing to "reimburse" you for the flights in one of two ways:
(1) At 1.5 cents per FF mile plus the fees: 87,500 * 0.015 = $1312.50 + $114.79 = $1427.29
(2) Based on a reasonable estimate of the costs to purchase the same tickets (i.e., what you would have or should have paid to purchase the same tickets using money instead of miles), as explained below.
Segment 1: [Ted's house to Sly's house] nonstop on United on a Saturday, booked the night before. Last Friday (because we were already discussing this), I checked United's website and found that a coach seat on the same flight you took to see Dad could have been purchased for the next day for $376.10. The price of the same flight for this coming Saturday is quite a bit higher: $521.10, although another nonstop flight on the same day is available for $166.10. I'll give you the benefit of the doubt on this segment (because you booked it the night before and thought it was important to arrive in the afternoon, not in the evening) and assign a value of $521.10, which is not far from United's highest price for a coach seat on that route.
Note that your statement "I used FF miles, which cost approximately 1/2 of last-minute airfares" is not true, at least not according to the value you've tried to assign to your miles (3.5 cents each). You spent 25,000 miles on that one-way flight and requested "reimbursement" of $875 (plus fees) for that segment, suggesting that the last-minute price for that ticket might have been more than $1700! (Even the first-class price is $670.10, which is still not anywhere near $875.)
Segment 2: [Ted's house to Sly's house] on Delta, booked several days in advance (after you and I agreed that you would depart and I would arrive on that date). For next Tuesday, this routing is available on Delta for $144.60. For the following Tuesday, it's available for $81.60. Even for later today, it's available for $161.60. I cannot reasonably assign a value greater than $161.60 to this segment.
Segment 3: Again, [Ted's house to Sly's house] nonstop on United on a Saturday (for my mother's funeral), but this time you booked at least a few days in advance. As mentioned previously, I found prices for this route ranging from $166.10 to $521.10. I'll once again give you the benefit of the doubt on this segment and assign a value of $376.10, which is for a ticket in one of the higher fare classes I mentioned above.
Segment 4: [Ted's house to Sly's house] (two tickets, for you and for your son) on Delta on a Friday. We agreed on the date for Dad's service three weeks beforehand, so this was or at least should have been booked well in advance. (I booked the flights for GD and me three weeks in advance.) For a week from Friday, multiple flights with this routing are available on Delta for $161.60 per ticket. For Friday, multiple flights with this routing are available for $211.60 per ticket. I can reasonably assign this segment a value of $211.60 per ticket.
Using this method, the amount to pay you will be the estimated cost of purchasing the flights using the values assigned above. In each case, I have assigned values that are greater than the lowest prices I found.
Segment 1: $521.10
Segment 2: $161.60
Segment 3: $376.10
Segment 4: $211.60 x 2 tickets = $423.20
Total: $1482.00
Note that:
- The fees you paid ($114.79) are not included when using this second method, because the ticket prices above include all taxes and fees. (You still come out slightly better with $1482.00 than with $1427.29.)
- My analysis is consistent with the rule of thumb that FF miles are worth approximately 1.5 cents each, especially because I used relatively high prices for each of your nonstop flights.
Therefore, when I am able to send you a check, it will be for $2492.60. I should be able to send the check approximately ten days from now, so you should expect to have it about two weeks from now.
Breakdown:
- Air travel: $1482.00
- Car rental and gasoline: $463.69
- Parking: $130.00
- Dinners: $416.91
I've made good progress at the house since arriving here on Sunday night. The biggest news is that C2 was adopted yesterday (thanks to Nadine, the neighbor, who worked with a local animal rescue organization that found him a new home).
Primo
P.S. I use my name at the end of an email to honor the tradition of signing one's name at the end of a letter.
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