So Primo and I had an IM fight, I guess, where I was telling him that no, it would not be acceptable for him to take another year off work, and no, I am not sympathetic to his father, who is the one who caused this problem, and really, I have already had my parental medical drama and if my father could have gotten rid of his cancer by not drinking alcohol, he would have, so please do not ask me for sympathy for a drunk who caused his own problems, and no, Primo probably cannot force Sly to hire in-home help, and Sly and Doris need to have a PLAN within the next month.
Primo said, "But my mom is incapable of making decisions and my dad is in shock."
I said then Primo needed to make the decisions.
Primo said that Sly and Doris think they want to go to the place in Atlanta but that would require a lot of work and they would have to leave their doctors.
I said that Sly and Doris were going to have to make some sacrifices - that Primo could not be expected to make all the sacrifices just so they could have things their way.
Then I said that Sly and Doris needed to identify two or three assisted living places where they could live and get on the waiting lists. I also said they need to start interviewing and getting bids from one of those senior relocation services.
Primo didn't know what I was talking about, so I sent him some links. Then I texted a friend of mine who owns an estate sale business, which is related to senior relocation. I asked him what certifications and/or licensing I should look for in such a service - explained I wanted to find three solid services where Sly and Doris live so they could get estimates now and maybe start working now on clearing out some of the clutter.
They can afford this.
It is not Primo's job (he keeps saying he does not want this job, so I am offering him an out) to help his financially-able parents to get the junk out of their house.
My friend wrote back and told me he would have someone on his staff do the research for me and provide me with three good prospects.
I told Primo, who asked, "How come you're so resourceful while I'm all 'Woooooo!'"
I answered it was because I am not as close to the situation, but it's more that I refuse to let this crap drag on for months and months and months. This is not why I agreed to a sabbatical for Primo - he has spent five weeks now (it will be six when he returns next week) at Sly and Doris' in the past six months dealing with their issues, issues that could have been prevented if they had not dithered.
Primo asked, "What if I had still been working while all this was happening?"
I said, "Then they would have been forced to deal with their problems by themselves."
Yeah. I am not a nice person.
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Actually, you are a nice person ... or you would have changed your locks and phone numbers some time ago. You are also a realist. Sadly, some of Primos dithering was inherited. Hope he either learned from this experience, or is willing to allow you to make these types of decisions in 30 years when you all need it. Know this has been agonizing for you both.
ReplyDelete+1. Trying to solve problems with people who can't or won't take steps to close a matter is just so draining.
DeleteWebb, I have always thought that if Primo died before Sly and Doris do that I would do exactly as you say change the locks and my phone number! AND move back to Texas! I would mail Primo's ashes to them but not have a return address on the package.
DeleteI hope Primo is learning some valuable lessons about planing from this, although in his defense, he did agree to make a will right after we got married and we got a safe-deposit box and got a file cabinet for important papers. We also have medical and financial powers of atty for each other and DNR orders. We are soooo far ahead of Sly and Doris. But I did have to drag him kicking and screaming. :)
Humble Potato, I cannot stand people who will not make decisions and who let all the crap fall on other people. They are the most selfish, inconsiderate jerks. People who really love their families do not dump all this on them. They plan.