Thursday, August 27, 2015

In which Primo declines to assign blame

1. My sister is the only person I can tell the truth to. She is the only one I can admit things to about Sly and Doris.

2. Summary of conversation Primo and I have been having over the past three days:

Me: Has your dad admitted fault?

Primo: It's not about assigning blame right now.

Me: It is always about assigning blame with him and with you.

Primo: Right now, I just have to deal with the situation.

Me: You never want to just deal with the situation when it involves me. Has he admitted fault? It is his fault!

Primo: Even if he knows that, do you really think he would ever admit it?

Me: No.

Primo: He keeps claiming he doesn't remember anything about the fall.

Me: How convenient.

Primo: I think he knows and he will have to live with that knowledge the rest of his life.

3. Primo: I certainly can't be expected to look for a job under these circumstances.

Me: I not only looked for and found a job while my dad was dying, I moved halfway across the country. So. Yes. I certainly expect it.

Primo: This is different.

Me: Yes. My dad wasn't an asshole. Nobody got drunk and fell on my dad and put him in the hospital.

4. Primo: I think my mother might be in a wheelchair for the rest of her life and it's all my dad's fault.


  1. Actually (and I'm not defending Primo by any means), I don't think he *can* look for a job while dealing with this. I really don't. He seems to manage by crisis, to borrow a term from the corporate world. He doesn't want to proactively deal with the unpleasantness, so he reactively deals with the chaos from that.

    I say that, btw, as someone whose husband is the same way. Rather than him and his aunt dealing with his ageing grandmother and her physical limitations, they roll merrily along until a crisis -- she falls, she has vertigo, she's not eating, etc. -- comes along, then they swoop in and more or less manage the situation, but they don't actually resolve anything.

    Big, big, big hugs to you.

    1. You're right, Lauren. I had not thought of it that way, but you are absolutely right. Primo and I approach things so differently. He procrastinates to avoid unpleasantness; I deal with it so it's not looming.

      Thanks for the hug and one back to you. :)


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