Sunday, August 23, 2015

In which it gets even worse


  • Primo
    I don't know what to do. My dad doesn't want her to go to the ER.
  • Things are still awful this morning. She has to be lifted in and out of the potty chair (and my dad has been doing it, because I'm afraid to). She needs to be in the hospital.
  • Me
    Can you get her to her PCP today instead of tomorrow?
    It sure does sound like she should be in a rehab center
    They usually won't let you leave the hospital if you can't get to the bathroom by yourself, will they?
  • Primo
    We can barely get her in and out of a chair, the potty chair, and bed. There will be no way to get her in and out of a car.
    I think there may be no alternative to calling 911.
  • Me
    holy smoke
    I am sorry, sweetie
    this is an absolute nightmare
  • 4/14, 8:42am
    Primo
    She hasn't been eating. She's not getting better.
  • Me
    oh no
    I know this is so hard for you
    and this is so unfair for your mom
    she does not deserve this
    I am really angry at your dad for doing this to her
  • 4/14, 8:44am
    Primo
    When they told me that her knee was hurt and she couldn't walk, I assumed that she was climbing in and out of the chairs and her bed on her own (or with minimal help), but that is not the case.
  • 4/14, 8:45am
    Me
    yeah that's why I thought, too
    she sure isn't strong enough for crutches
  • 4/14, 8:45am
    Primo
    Or a walker.
  • Me
    oh man
    that bad
    I don't know
    I don't know what to do
    she needs to be someplace where people can help her
  • 4/14, 8:46am
    Primo
    I don't know what to do!
  • 4/14, 8:46am
    Me
    Would it be possible to talk to her doctor today?
    or do you think it would be useful to talk to a social worker at the hospital?
    I don't know how these thigns work 0=-
    just wondering where to find expertise
  • 4/14, 8:48am
    Primo
    I'm afraid that there is nothing between calling her doctor to make an appointment and calling 911 to be transported to the ER.
    If we call her PCP's office, at best we'll talk to a nurse.
  • 4/14, 8:52am
    Me
    you know maybe 911 is the way to go
    this is really serious
    it is not a good option for your dad to lift her and carry her
    if she cannot move at all because of an injury
    she should be in rehab
    I vote for the ER
    and you know I don't treat the ER lightly
  • 4/14, 9:28am
    Primo
    We already called 911 and she is on her way to the ER. There was no alternative.
    My dad talked to a nurse they know and she confirmed that.
    The paramedics were very gentle.
    I will head over to the hospital soon.
  • 4/14, 10:15am
    Me
    Yeah I don't know what else you could have done
    and frankly I am pissed at your dad for not doing this over the weekend
    Your poor mom
    she does not deserve this
  • 4/14, 10:22am
    Primo
    I am at the ER with her now. She has a room and we are waiting for the doctor. She has an IV and seems more comfortable.
  • 4/14, 10:22am
    Me
    your poor mom
    this whole thing - I am so sad for her
    but glad you are there
    and making rational decisions
    and making things better for her
  • 4/14, 10:22am
    Primo
    With this new knee problem, I'm afraid that she may not walk again.
  • 4/14, 10:22am
    Me
    she is lucky to have you
    that would be awful if she does not walk again
  • 4/14, 11:05am
    Primo
    The ER doctor (a young woman) is very nice and seems genuinely concerned about her. She immediately suspected a possible broken hip or pelvis after a quick exam. We're waiting for pain meds, and then they will take some X-rays.
    The doctor seemed very unhappy after learning that (1) only the knee was X-rayed last week and (2) they sent her home right away after that..

    • 4/14, 11:07am
      Me
      a broken hip?
      this keeps getting worse
      and yes, it sounds like the ER did not do it right last week
      that didn't even occur to me
      but then, I am not a doctor
      it should have occurred to the ER people
    • 4/14, 11:08am
      Primo
      A broken hip would make sense. She was in far worse shape than I expected (thinking that it was just a knee problem).
    • 4/14, 11:09am
      Me
      yeah, it all makes a lot more sense now
      but a broken hip is really bad
      especially with your mom's general health
      shit
    • 4/14, 11:25am
      Primo
      Now I'm cranky and worried.
      And I'm probably going to end up with your cold.
      I didn't do it right by staying up all night.
    • 4/14, 11:27am
      Me
      I am sorry, sweetie
      is she at least feeling better?
    • 4/14, 11:28am
      Primo
      Well, she just got morphine, so she will be.
    • 4/14, 11:29am
      Me
      good
      she has suffered too much already
      this is so grossly unfair
      I just cannot stand it
    • 4/14, 11:30am
      Primo
      It's really not fair.
      They should be taking her for X-rays soon. (The pain medication needed to come first.)
    • 4/14, 11:34am
      Me
      It is making me sick thinking of your mother there with a broken hip
      IN PAIN
      yes pain meds come first
      And Jack didn't even think that perhaps she needed medical attention?
      (I am at the 'assigning blame' stage)
    • 4/14, 12:33pm
      Primo
      Jack only came by a couple of times (once with Pia) while she was sitting in the chair in the living room. He knew things were bad, but he didn't know how bad.
      We are waiting for the X-ray results now. She had some morphine before the X-rays, but it has already worn off.
    • 4/14, 12:34pm
      Me
      I hope they will give her more morphine
    • 4/14, 12:34pm
      Primo
      They won't do anything else (including giving her some nutrition through the IV) yet.
    • 4/14, 12:35pm
      Me
      weird that it has worn off already
      it takes forever for vicodin to wear off for me
      I feel crummy for hours!
      (how were the sandwiches last night?)
      (and is your father expressing any remorse?)
    • 4/14, 12:37pm
      Primo
      Well, it's worn off at least to some extent.
    • 4/14, 12:37pm
      Me
      sorry
      people experience it differently
      and of course just because it affects me one way does not mean it will affect your mom the same way
    • 4/14, 12:38pm
      Primo
      I didn't eat any sandwiches last night, but I brought one here and just ate it.
      Jack had brought some Greek food, so I finished that last night.
    • 4/14, 12:38pm
      Me
      I am glad you thought to bring lunch with you
    • 4/14, 12:38pm
      Primo
      Remorse? No.
      He has been caring for her full-time since Friday, but I don't know whether he sees all of this as "his fault."
    • 4/14, 12:41pm
      Me
      and yet
      it is
    • Primo
    • They must have given her very little morphine. I don't think you or I can even understand her level of pain.
    • I've got news for you: I'm cranky.
    • 4/14, 12:42pm
      Me
      no I don't think so
      and that is why I am so horrified that she was with that pain
      since Friday
      and your dad did nothing
      You should be cranky
      this is so much worse than we imagined
    • 4/14, 12:42pm
      Primo
      I think last Friday was the inflection point that I've been worried about. I think the two of them will never again live without help in that house.
    • 4/14, 12:43pm
      Me
      no

      I don't think so either
      I did just a quick look about broken hips
    • 4/14, 12:43pm
      Primo
      And I don't think they will be moving into the "independent living" section of any retirement community.
    • 4/14, 12:43pm
      Me
      your mom might need to be in rehab for weeks
    • 4/14, 12:43pm
      Primo
      And she has no strength.
      Maybe a residential rehab facility is what she needs.
    • 4/14, 12:44pm
      Me
      based on my very limited knowledge
      yes
      that is what she needs
      she needs to heal
      without stress
      and in a place where they know how to take care of her
    • 4/14, 1:43pm
      Primo
      The doctor could not see any fractures on the pelvic X-rays (and she reviewed the knee X-ray from last week). So now they've taken my mom for a CT scan.
      Even if no breaks or other serious physical problems are found, she'll be admitted because of dehydration. They had to use a catheter to get some urine, and her PCP will put in the order to admit her.
    • 4/14, 2:07pm
      Primo
      Things move very slowly in the ER for someone whose condition is not really an emergency.
    • 4/14, 2:08pm
      Me
      OK. She for sure has not been eating properly
    • 4/14, 2:09pm
      Primo
      I'm cranky.
      There's no good audience for my whining here.
    • 4/14, 2:10pm
      Me
      I am sorry
      What a crummy situation
      I am boiling mad at your father
      I am guessing there has been no discussion of next steps with your dad
    • 4/14, 2:16pm
      Primo
      I talked to him for a short time last night.
      I think he knows that they need to move into assisted living.
      And I said that they need someone helping here, even if it's not Debbie.
    • 4/14, 2:16pm
      Me
      how did he respond?
    • Primo
      He was the first person to use the words "assisted living."
    • 4/14, 2:17pm
      Me
      that's good!
    • 4/14, 2:17pm
      Primo
      Unless my mom improves miraculously, it is what they need.
      (And in the short term, I think she needs to go from the hospital into a skilled nursing/rehab facility.)
    • 4/14, 2:18pm
      Me
      it would be really nice if someone could take good care of your mom
      I don't think she has had that for a long time
      actually, she spent years taking care of your sister
      and then your dad retired but expected your mom to keep doing stuff
      she must be exhausted
    • 4/14, 2:23pm
      Primo
      He is also exhausted.
      So I should just be here all the time, right?
    • 4/14, 2:24pm
      Me
      Yes, you should just move there
    • Primo
    • We are leaving the ER now and she is going to be admitted.
      More later.
    • 4/14, 2:29pm
      Me
      OK

    • 4/14, 3:11pm
      Primo
      We are now in a temporary room in the "transitional admission unit." Everything is very slow.
    • 4/14, 3:55pm
      Primo
      I'm cranky.
    • 4/14, 3:56pm
      Me
      I know sweetie
      I am sorry
    • 4/14, 4:08pm
      Primo
      We have no idea how long it will be before she is transferred to a regular room.
      We have no idea when her doctor will be here. (Her PCP ordered the admission.)
      We have no idea what the results from the CT scan were.
      I'm starting to get very impatient.
      The nurse just came and said that she will be served dinner here. I don't think she'll want to eat.
      The nurse said that I could try to help her eat.
      I thought she was here to be helped by health care professionals, not so that I feel like I need to take care of her.
    • 4/14, 4:27pm
      Me
      Isn't that part of having someone be in the hospital? That you leave her to the pros?


13 comments:

  1. 19 posts just came at once? Referring to something in April? I am somewhat disoriented, but, I guess that doesn't matter. Hope you and Primo are OK.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Hi LPC - I had to close the blog for a month because someone tried to expose me to Sly and Doris. The most recent drama started in April, but I already had posts through August, hence the delay. These posts are not real time.

      Delete
  2. How awful. I am so sorry all of you had to go through this.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Thank you, LJL. Poor Primo is having an awful year.

      Delete
  3. I just got caught up -- I missed your blog while it was offline!

    I am so sorry for you and Primo and Doris. I am not sorry for Sly.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Hi Lauren, Yes, Doris is the one who suffers most in all of this and she does not deserve it.

      Delete
  4. Oh no! It did get worse. Poor Doris! She does not deserve to be in pain for so long. It's a wonder Sly didn't get tired of lifting and moving her and call 911 himself just so he wouldn't have to help someone else for a change. :( (I feel uncharitable saying that, but I can't imagine he was happy having to tend to someone else's needs for once.)

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Jessica, I KNOW! It's not like Sly is the type to think of others. For pete's sake, after 50 years of marriage, he couldn't even figure out where his wife's clean clothes and the clean towels go!

      Delete
  5. So glad you are back and so sorry to read the dreadful news.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Thank you, fmc. (May I call you "fmc" for short? :) )

      Delete
  6. Nice to 'see' you again but I'm sorry things are (were?) so awful.
    Best,
    Stephanie

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Thanks, Stephanie. Things are better now, but it took a good long while.

      Delete
  7. I hate to break it to Primo, but yeah hospitals expect family to help their sick loved ones with little things like meals. They'll handle the gross stuff and medicine, but meals can get traded off. And if it's a bad hospital, family probably should stay to supervise medical care too.

    We know because my maternal grandmother cycled from nursing home to hospital to rehab back to the nursing home for years.

    That situation is resolved now (since February 2013). I don't know if the situation with Doris and Sly is resolved the same way; my sympathies if it did.

    ReplyDelete

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