In which it gets even worse

• 
  

  Primo

  I don't know what to do. My dad doesn't want her to go to the ER.
  
• Things are still awful this morning. She has to be lifted in and out of the potty chair (and my dad has been doing it, because I'm afraid to). She needs to be in the hospital.
• Me
  

  Can you get her to her PCP today instead of tomorrow?
  

  It sure does sound like she should be in a rehab center
  

  They usually won't let you leave the hospital if you can't get to the bathroom by yourself, will they?
• Primo
  

  We can barely get her in and out of a chair, the potty chair, and bed. There will be no way to get her in and out of a car.
  

  I think there may be no alternative to calling 911.
  
• Me
  

  holy smoke
  

  I am sorry, sweetie
  

  this is an absolute nightmare
  
• 4/14, 8:42am
  

  Primo
  

  She hasn't been eating. She's not getting better.
  
• 4/14, 8:42am
  

  Me
  

  oh no
  

  I know this is so hard for you
  

  and this is so unfair for your mom
  

  she does not deserve this
  

  I am really angry at your dad for doing this to her
  
• 4/14, 8:44am
  

  Primo
  

  When they told me that her knee was hurt and she couldn't walk, I assumed that she was climbing in and out of the chairs and her bed on her own (or with minimal help), but that is not the case.
  
• 4/14, 8:45am
  

  Me
  

  yeah that's why I thought, too
  

  she sure isn't strong enough for crutches
  
• 4/14, 8:45am
  

  Primo
  

  Or a walker.
  
• 4/14, 8:46am
  

  Me
  

  oh man
  

  that bad
  

  I don't know
  

  I don't know what to do
  

  she needs to be someplace where people can help her
  
• 4/14, 8:46am
  

  Primo
  

  I don't know what to do!
  
• 4/14, 8:46am
  

  Me
  

  Would it be possible to talk to her doctor today?
  

  or do you think it would be useful to talk to a social worker at the hospital?
  

  I don't know how these thigns work 0=-
  

  just wondering where to find expertise
  
• 4/14, 8:48am
  

  Primo
  

  I'm afraid that there is nothing between calling her doctor to make an appointment and calling 911 to be transported to the ER.
  

  If we call her PCP's office, at best we'll talk to a nurse.
  
• 4/14, 8:52am
  

  Me
  

  you know maybe 911 is the way to go
  

  this is really serious
  

  it is not a good option for your dad to lift her and carry her
  

  if she cannot move at all because of an injury
  

  she should be in rehab
  

  I vote for the ER
  

  and you know I don't treat the ER lightly
  
• 4/14, 9:28am
  

  Primo
  

  We already called 911 and she is on her way to the ER. There was no alternative.
  

  My dad talked to a nurse they know and she confirmed that.
  

  The paramedics were very gentle.
  

  I will head over to the hospital soon.
  
• 4/14, 10:15am
  

  Me
  

  Yeah I don't know what else you could have done
  

  and frankly I am pissed at your dad for not doing this over the weekend
  

  Your poor mom
  

  she does not deserve this
  
• 4/14, 10:22am
  

  Primo
  

  I am at the ER with her now. She has a room and we are waiting for the doctor. She has an IV and seems more comfortable.
  
• 4/14, 10:22am
  

  Me
  

  your poor mom
  

  this whole thing - I am so sad for her
  

  but glad you are there
  

  and making rational decisions
  

  and making things better for her
  
• 4/14, 10:22am
  

  Primo
  

  With this new knee problem, I'm afraid that she may not walk again.
  
• 4/14, 10:22am
  

  Me
  

  she is lucky to have you
  

  that would be awful if she does not walk again
  
• 4/14, 11:05am
  

  Primo
  

  The ER doctor (a young woman) is very nice and seems genuinely concerned about her. She immediately suspected a possible broken hip or pelvis after a quick exam. We're waiting for pain meds, and then they will take some X-rays.
  

  The doctor seemed very unhappy after learning that (1) only the knee was X-rayed last week and (2) they sent her home right away after that..
• • 
    
  • 4/14, 11:07am
    

    Me
    

    a broken hip?
    

    this keeps getting worse
    

    and yes, it sounds like the ER did not do it right last week
    

    that didn't even occur to me
    

    but then, I am not a doctor
    

    it should have occurred to the ER people
    
  • 4/14, 11:08am
    

    Primo
    

    A broken hip would make sense. She was in far worse shape than I expected (thinking that it was just a knee problem).
    
  • 4/14, 11:09am
    

    Me
    

    yeah, it all makes a lot more sense now
    

    but a broken hip is really bad
    

    especially with your mom's general health
    

    shit
    
  • 4/14, 11:25am
    

    Primo
    

    Now I'm cranky and worried.
    

    And I'm probably going to end up with your cold.
    

    I didn't do it right by staying up all night.
    
  • 4/14, 11:27am
    

    Me
    

    I am sorry, sweetie
    

    is she at least feeling better?
    
  • 4/14, 11:28am
    

    Primo
    

    Well, she just got morphine, so she will be.
    
  • 4/14, 11:29am
    

    Me
    

    good
    

    she has suffered too much already
    

    this is so grossly unfair
    

    I just cannot stand it
    
  • 4/14, 11:30am
    

    Primo
    

    It's really not fair.
    

    They should be taking her for X-rays soon. (The pain medication needed to come first.)
    
  • 4/14, 11:34am
    

    Me
    

    It is making me sick thinking of your mother there with a broken hip
    

    IN PAIN
    

    yes pain meds come first
    

    And Jack didn't even think that perhaps she needed medical attention?
    

    (I am at the 'assigning blame' stage)
    
  • 4/14, 12:33pm
    

    Primo
    

    Jack only came by a couple of times (once with Pia) while she was sitting in the chair in the living room. He knew things were bad, but he didn't know how bad.
    

    We are waiting for the X-ray results now. She had some morphine before the X-rays, but it has already worn off.
    
  • 4/14, 12:34pm
    

    Me
    

    I hope they will give her more morphine
    
  • 4/14, 12:34pm
    

    Primo
    

    They won't do anything else (including giving her some nutrition through the IV) yet.
    
  • 4/14, 12:35pm
    

    Me
    

    weird that it has worn off already
    

    it takes forever for vicodin to wear off for me
    

    I feel crummy for hours!
    

    (how were the sandwiches last night?)
    

    (and is your father expressing any remorse?)
    
  • 4/14, 12:37pm
    

    Primo
    

    Well, it's worn off at least to some extent.
    
  • 4/14, 12:37pm
    

    Me
    

    sorry
    

    people experience it differently
    

    and of course just because it affects me one way does not mean it will affect your mom the same way
    
  • 4/14, 12:38pm
    

    Primo
    

    I didn't eat any sandwiches last night, but I brought one here and just ate it.
    

    Jack had brought some Greek food, so I finished that last night.
    
  • 4/14, 12:38pm
    

    Me
    

    I am glad you thought to bring lunch with you
    
  • 4/14, 12:38pm
    

    Primo
    

    Remorse? No.
    

    He has been caring for her full-time since Friday, but I don't know whether he sees all of this as "his fault."
    
  • 4/14, 12:41pm
    

    Me
    

    and yet
    

    it is
  • Primo
  • They must have given her very little morphine. I don't think you or I can even understand her level of pain.
  • I've got news for you: I'm cranky.
    
  • 4/14, 12:42pm
    

    Me
    

    no I don't think so
    

    and that is why I am so horrified that she was with that pain
    

    since Friday
    

    and your dad did nothing
    

    You should be cranky
    

    this is so much worse than we imagined
    
  • 4/14, 12:42pm
    

    Primo
    

    I think last Friday was the inflection point that I've been worried about. I think the two of them will never again live without help in that house.
    
  • 4/14, 12:43pm
    

    Me
    

    no
    

    
    

    I don't think so either
    

    I did just a quick look about broken hips
    
  • 4/14, 12:43pm
    

    Primo
    

    And I don't think they will be moving into the "independent living" section of any retirement community.
    
  • 4/14, 12:43pm
    

    Me
    

    your mom might need to be in rehab for weeks
    
  • 4/14, 12:43pm
    

    Primo
    

    And she has no strength.
    

    Maybe a residential rehab facility is what she needs.
    
  • 4/14, 12:44pm
    

    Me
    

    based on my very limited knowledge
    

    yes
    

    that is what she needs
    

    she needs to heal
    

    without stress
    

    and in a place where they know how to take care of her
    
  • 4/14, 1:43pm
    

    Primo
    

    The doctor could not see any fractures on the pelvic X-rays (and she reviewed the knee X-ray from last week). So now they've taken my mom for a CT scan.
    

    Even if no breaks or other serious physical problems are found, she'll be admitted because of dehydration. They had to use a catheter to get some urine, and her PCP will put in the order to admit her.
    
  • 4/14, 2:07pm
    

    Primo
    

    Things move very slowly in the ER for someone whose condition is not really an emergency.
    
  • 4/14, 2:08pm
    

    Me
    

    OK. She for sure has not been eating properly
    
  • 4/14, 2:09pm
    

    Primo
    

    I'm cranky.
    

    There's no good audience for my whining here.
    
  • 4/14, 2:10pm
    

    Me
    

    I am sorry
    

    What a crummy situation
    

    I am boiling mad at your father
    

    I am guessing there has been no discussion of next steps with your dad
    
  • 4/14, 2:16pm
    

    Primo
    

    I talked to him for a short time last night.
    

    I think he knows that they need to move into assisted living.
    

    And I said that they need someone helping here, even if it's not Debbie.
    
  • 4/14, 2:16pm
    

    Me
    

    how did he respond?
    
  • 2:17pm
    

    Primo
    

    He was the first person to use the words "assisted living."
    
  • 4/14, 2:17pm
    

    Me
    

    that's good!
    
  • 4/14, 2:17pm
    

    Primo
    

    Unless my mom improves miraculously, it is what they need.
    

    (And in the short term, I think she needs to go from the hospital into a skilled nursing/rehab facility.)
    
  • 4/14, 2:18pm
    

    Me
    

    it would be really nice if someone could take good care of your mom
    

    I don't think she has had that for a long time
    

    actually, she spent years taking care of your sister
    

    and then your dad retired but expected your mom to keep doing stuff
    

    she must be exhausted
    
  • 4/14, 2:23pm
    

    Primo
    

    He is also exhausted.
    

    So I should just be here all the time, right?
    
  • 4/14, 2:24pm
    

    Me
    

    Yes, you should just move there
    
  • Primo
  • We are leaving the ER now and she is going to be admitted.
    

    More later.
    
  • 4/14, 2:29pm
    

    Me
    

    OK
    
  • 
    
  • 4/14, 3:11pm
    

    Primo
    

    We are now in a temporary room in the "transitional admission unit." Everything is very slow.
    
  • 4/14, 3:55pm
    

    Primo
    

    I'm cranky.
    
  • 4/14, 3:56pm
    

    Me
    

    I know sweetie
    

    I am sorry
    
  • 4/14, 4:08pm
    

    Primo
    

    We have no idea how long it will be before she is transferred to a regular room.
    

    We have no idea when her doctor will be here. (Her PCP ordered the admission.)
    

    We have no idea what the results from the CT scan were.
    

    I'm starting to get very impatient.
    

    The nurse just came and said that she will be served dinner here. I don't think she'll want to eat.
    

    The nurse said that I could try to help her eat.
    

    I thought she was here to be helped by health care professionals, not so that I feel like I need to take care of her.
    
  • 4/14, 4:27pm
    

    Me
    

    Isn't that part of having someone be in the hospital? That you leave her to the pros?