Primo came into the kitchen this morning, holding something before him. "I hadn't unpacked, so I had forgotten that I brought this for you," he said.
I thought it might be chocolate.
Because that is what I would want, right? Or a new purse? One with a divider in the middle so I do not have to remove everything - two pairs of glasses, phone, wallet, my business cards tucked inside a birth-control pill thingy,* handkerchief, a few pens, and container holding my emergency chocolate, my nail clippers, my tweezers, and my migraine drugs - to find what I want.
Purse makers. Do you user test your product at all?
Or is it just to be expected that it will be difficult to find items?
He bore a gift for me. How sweet! What was it?
"When Stephanie and I were sorting through my mom's clothes, I found this t-shirt of hers," he said. "Look! It has kitties on it! And gardens! You love both of those and so did my mom. You could wear this to sleep in!" He lay it on the counter and stepped back happily.
I gasped. Thought.
"I can't see it," I said. "I'm not wearing my glasses."
He brought it to me.
It was indeed a t-shirt with cats and gardens and some caption about cats and gardens.
"Isn't it nice?" he asked wistfully. "You could wear it."
He patted it lovingly.
Lord have mercy what is the proper etiquette when your husband, whom you love deeply, asks you to wear something that belonged to his mother, whom you did not love deeply and who had very bad taste in clothes?
I am going to have to wear that t-shirt, aren't I?
* That was Primo's idea. My three-month supply arrived in the mail one day and I was throwing everything except the blister pack, Primo picked up one of the suede-y little envelopes and said, "This is the perfect size for business cards!"
I laughed and told him he was such an engineer and that nobody in her right mind would use a birth-control pill packet for business cards.
And then I thought about it and realized he was exactly right - it IS the perfect size for business cards - and that is where my cards have resided since.
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Yup! You're wearing it...until you spill bleach on it...
ReplyDeleteNope you do not have to wear the t-shirt. No guilt, no excuses, it goes in the bottom of a drawer and accidentally becomes a cleaning rag at some point.
ReplyDeleteOh! So sorry! I FORGOT.
DeleteNot a cleaning rag, but definitely a permanent resident of the bottom drawer. Ew. Can you just imagine getting busy while wearing it? Double ew.
ReplyDeleteNOOOOOOO! That's almost as bad as Sly offering the master bath shower to Primo and me, telling me that he and Doris used it all the time for joint showers, THE FIRST TIME WE MET.
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DeleteI tried to post a throwing-up face emoji but it didn't work
DeleteI can understand Primo's emotions are all over the place, but my God, no. What a creepy gift. He can pat the TShirt lovingly all day long if he wants to. Please, do not wear it.
ReplyDeleteFrancesca
I should tell him that he should wear it!
DeleteNO you do not have to wear it. You can frame it and let him hang it in his office so he can remember his mother.
ReplyDeleteNext to the political signs - that would be so appropriate!
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ReplyDeleteGoldie, don't you and Primo have cats? You treat it the same as when the cat brings you a dead bird or mouse: praise them effusively, then dispose of it discreetly when they're not looking. ;)
ReplyDeleteThis also works well for "art" projects from small children...unless your child is incredibly talented, like mine: http://imgur.com/MHnc7ZL
"This is such a great gift! Thank you, sweetie!" Kisskisskiss. (And then bury it under the jeans.) There. Like that?
DeleteDear Primo,
ReplyDeleteYou seem to be a lovely lovely person who has just has a massive brain cramp. Or brain fart. Take your pick.
Don't ask Goldie to wear the shirt. Do keep the shirt as part of your collection of moments that you can laugh about later.
Signed,
The Anonymous Cat (who, btw, dislikes most of the cat-themed items my friends and relatives have bought me over the years. Because I like cats. Yes. Yes I do. But I don't like everything that has a cat on it. Even when I love and adore the people who gave me the thing that has a cat on it.)
I think this was a brain fart, for sure.
Delete"Oh, that's so thoughtful. It's a little too soon though, so why don't I put it somewhere safe for now?"
ReplyDeleteSomewhere safe that you never use, and let it slip from everyone's minds.
I like letting it slip everyone's mind strategy.
DeletePut the shirt under a Primo pile of stuff. When he clears out the pile for good (tossed/donated/shredded) then you wear the shirt for one day. Then it goes under the next pile. Rinse and repeat.
ReplyDeleteOh! You mean as an incentive! I LOVE IT!
Delete"When Stephanie and I were sorting through my mom's clothes, I found this t-shirt of hers," he said. "Look! It has kitties on it! And gardens! You love both of those and so did my mom. You could wear this to sleep in!"
ReplyDelete"That should do wonders for our sex life."
If he's not totally creeped out by that and then drops the idea, then I guess you just hope he's still too traumatized... No, you don't have to wear the shirt.
Ewwwwww nooooo!! Men!! My husband did that. Wanted me to wear his dead mother's clothes, use her bed as our bed, wear her jewellery. Id never even met her!! It was downright creepy.
ReplyDelete