Friday, November 27, 2015

In which I snoop on Doris' computer and I know it's wrong but I can't stop myself

You guys, Primo and I are on vacation. It is lovely - I am sitting here in a cottage on a big lake and hear nothing but the waves crashing on the shore. At night, we can hear the loons. Primo and I have been playing tennis and eating and reading and sleeping and that's about it. Primo has been doing all the cooking and all the cleaning (did I mention that already?) and that is fine with me.

We used to not bring our computers. I didn't bring mine - Primo asked if I was going to bring my work computer and I said no way because

1. I am on vacation
2. Even though I really like my job, my boss, and my co-workers, I do not want to be reminded of work while I am on vacation
3. If I had my work computer here, I wouldn't be able to resist checking my work email (which I could do from any computer via the mobile login, but I just got a new password and I have forgotten it) and working on the cool projects I am doing

I have been using Doris' MacBook. Primo brought it home from Florida because it has a lot of Sly and Doris' financial information on it. It is tiny and nice except it is a Mac and I cannot find the commands I already know - I don't care if it's easier! I do not want to learn a new system - and it is what I have been using to read my favorite blogs, including, as always, Ask A Manager, and also Privilege - I have met Lisa in person and she is just as fab in person as she is in print - and facebook and coveting this skirt but thinking no, I made a vow to go an entire year without buying new clothes because I work with almost all men and almost all engineers so nobody is looking at my clothes and, because despite what Ted's Wife says, we are not made of money. She did not say we were made of money, but she implied it when she said wasn't it soooo lucky that Primo is unemployed and that we are not financially strapped so Primo could be the one taking care of Sly?

Where was I?

Oh. I have been using Doris' MacBook.

And I had reason to save something to the hard drive and in the process of saving it, I noticed her files, including one that said, "Farewell letter," written several years ago, which I suspect might be a suicide note but I didn't open it because it is none of my business, but I did mention it to Primo and asked if he was going to open it and he said yes, so I will report on that when I have more information.

But then I noticed a file from several years ago named "Goldie and Stephanie" and - well, what would you have done?

I know it's not mine. Even though she's dead, Doris deserves her privacy.

But damn.

It was something about me and my sister in law.

Reader, I opened it.

And saw a complaint that Doris and Sly had emailed to Primo about why on earth was I friends with Stephanie? She and I have nothing in common - we are not intellectually compatible.

1. I remember when Primo told me about that email.
2. This is a Word document. Who drafts emails in Word? Who does that?

This appeared to be a document that both Sly and Doris wrote. In it, Sly said something about how I had "coldly rejected them."

Yeah, Sly. But only after you

1. Told your son not to marry me
2. Threatened to boycott my wedding and
3. Never said a thing after I had a miscarriage

He and Doris also complained to Primo that Stephanie was a liar - she lies about everything! - and he should be sure not to listen to anything Stephanie might say to me that I would then share with Primo.

These people - these people. I don't even know what to say. Except they are no longer a factor in my life.


  1. Ooooooh...there be dragons in that MacBook!
    I don't know if I could have peeked - but I suspect you are made of stronger stuff than I am!
    I bet Doris and Sly finessed those Word documents between them. Jeez.

  2. Oh, I would have snooped my little black heart out. Those fuckers are dead.

    (But it seems you have a better soul- or more self-control than I do.)


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