Thursday, March 3, 2016

In which Primo and I argue about where Sly and Doris' ashes are to reside because Lord knows I do not want them in my house

Primo: There are all these boxes of papers. And there are my mom and dad's ashes, of course.

Me: What?

Primo: I can't mail them - there are all kinds of rules. I don't know if they will fit into my checked bags.

Me: But - you're not going to bring them here, are you?

Primo: Why not?

Me: Because it's macabre.

Primo: Lots of people keep ashes in their homes.

Me: Not me. That is not what I would like.

Primo: Lots of people do it.

Me: Your parents moved from up north to Florida specifically to get away from the winter. Do you really think they want to spend winters in our house? It's freezing in here. Plus do you really think they want to be around me?

Primo: Don't you want to be around them? We can put them on the kitchen counter.

Me: Or in the bedroom!

Primo: On your side!

Me: A shrine. We can make a shrine with the ashes and a dildo.

Primo: And the naked photo. Too bad I've already shredded it.

Me: We have the photo they gave us for Christmas a few years ago. The one they gave us when they gave you the cast-iron cat. We could use that one.


  1. You're looking at it all wrong. If you put the ashes in the cold, dark basement then you would have scoreboard for eternity!

  2. I know a woman who loves her dogs, and there are cannisters of past dogs all over her mantle. When you come over the first time and take in the live dogs, and the dead dogs, then she leads you to the kitchen, opens the cupboard under the sink and there is a larger cannister. "And here's mom!" she says.

  3. Oh! You live in an icy, frozen place?

    Aren't cinders good for traction on the ice?

  4. You could make a little shrine in the backyard with the photo and the cast iron cat. All you need is a shovel...

  5. Uh, actually, one CAN mail ashes... that's how my mother's ashes went from the state where she died to the state where she was buried: by Registered Mail from the one funeral home to the other.

    1. Primo is a big rule follower. I would have stuck them in a box and let the chips fall where they may.


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