Monday, August 15, 2016

In which Keith and I clean his duplex and discover that even though a place might look clean on the surface at 9:30 p.m., in the light of day and with a bottle of 409 in my hand for a Seek and Destroy mission, a place is actually filthy

On Sunday, I spent a few hours helping Keith, who had been cleaning since 3 a.m., clean. The place had looked OK the night before, but in the light of day, it was clear that it needed work. The stove was nasty; the spills in the cupboard had not been wiped out; the windows were smeary; there was hair - waist-long hair in the drain in the kitchen sink; the walls near the switchplates were filthy; there was sticky stuff on the wood floor; etc, etc.

If you rent, please follow this advice:

1. If you do not own the window, do not put stickers on it
2. Just because you don't own the stove is not a reason to leave a thick layer of dirty grease on it
3. It doesn't count as vacuuming the carpet if you leave corn kernels under the radiator in the living room, bedroom, and kitchen
4. If you do not own the property, do not let your toddler eat in the living room or the bedroom or have crayons without supervision.

Honestly. Tacky.

Things my friends have added to the list:

  • My mom could add, do not paint the bedroom black and keep fighting chickens in it.
  • Do not ignore the leaking roof until the floor delaminates.


  1. Also, never buy a car in the dark.

  2. Catherine from CanadaTuesday, August 16, 2016

    When you buy milk, and take the little plastic clasp off the bag, don't toss it into the bottom of the fridge. To join the hundreds that are already there.
    When you vacuum, don't just vacuum the center of the room, stairs and hallway. Vacuum the edges and the baseboards, especially if you have long black hair.
    When you clean the bathtub, clean the soap dish occasionally. Just because it's soap doesn't mean it's automagically clean. Really.

  3. Do not unplug the refrigerator.

  4. My husband and his parents have around 40 rental properties in town (almost all residential). The stories he tells....Make me glad I don't have to work with him cleaning any of that stuff. Their company bought an excavator and it's been a fiscally good investment, given the number of times he's had to dig up septic systems!

  5. You guys - gross. Just gross.

    I have a friend who is 93 years old and is dying of cancer. His daughter tells me he still has nightmares about tenants he had decades ago.


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