Wednesday, September 30, 2015

In which I get a very early morning phone call and those are never good

I am in shock. I woke up this morning to find that Primo had tried to call three times before 7 a.m.

Primo is not even out of bed before 7 a.m. Why on earth would he be calling?

"My mom just died," he said.

I gasped. She was getting better! She was going to start physical therapy! Sly was supposed to die first so Doris could have a year or two of peace without him, so she could live in assisted living and have some friends and drink coffee with them and talk about books and get her hair and nails done.

She didn't get any of that.

She got an abusive husband - she even admitted to Primo a few days ago that she had married a mean man - and a hard life.

I didn't like her, but I don't think she deserved death to come this way.

24 comments:

  1. Even tho, i realize this was several months ago, i cannot imagine how difficult this whole ordeal must have been for you both. Primo really didn't have time to process anything before moving on to the next crisis. Hope the blog is giving you an outlet for all the emotion, and that he has the engineering equivalent. (Working problems on a slide rule, maybe?)

    We get no training in dealing with the deaths of our parents. It's all on the job. Thinking of you both.

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  2. Goldy, I'm so sorry for you and Primo. I realize this is on delay, but still am thinking of you and yours.

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  3. Belated condolences to you and Primo. Even when we lose someone we had a good, uncomplicated relationship we might mourn not only their loss, but what might have been and now can never be. Peace to Doris's soul, and to you and Primo.

    -Sparky

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  4. I am so sorry for Primo's loss, and for the chaos that this probably brought into your life.

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  5. Hoping and praying she is at peace now and that you and Primo are recovering. I feel bereft as I had hoped for some happiness for Doris in her last years on earth. It's our loss to miss learning who she might have been out from under the yoke. God bless you and Primo and the rest of her family.

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  6. I had a feeling this post was coming. I know it's in the past, but still thinking of you, Sly, and Primo and wishing you comfort.

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  7. I am sorry. Sounds like an awful end. Hopefully Primo was comforted by the fact that he did as much as he could (and it seems, then some) for his mother.

    Honestly, while I have great sympathy for Doris, her sad story reminds me that nobody is going to hand you happiness in life - you have to find it for yourself. She was in a bad situation with Sly and I know you and Primo desperately wanted her to have some happy time free of him before she died, but ultimately it was up to her to make that happen, not you two.

    That's my attitude in life, anyway. If something is making me unhappy, it is up to me to fix it. Period.

    Thank you for sharing this - something that many of our generation (I suspect we are close in age) are going through right now. It's always comforting to know that you are not alone when navigating something rough in life.

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  8. Poor Primo! Part of me wonders if Doris just gave up, which is a really sad way to think about it, just when she was able to have some time without having to serve someone else (even if it was supposed to be rehab time). Another part of me wonders if you would have liked her more had she been able to escape Sly earlier in her life. I have a sad feeling that she just really lost herself. :(

    You guys are in my prayers (even though that's not Primo's thing) and thoughts. I know we're a few months behind, but I also know that losing a parent isn't something you "get over" either. Poor Doris...

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  9. Oh no :( Poor poor Doris. I had hoped it would be the other way around.... So sorry for Primo's loss, and so glad he spent some extra time with her in those days. Thinking of you still (because it doesn't get easier that quick - my husband lost his Mum this year). J xx

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  10. Belated condolences to you & Primo. I hope that writing this blog has allowed you the outlet you need for all the emotions I can only believe her death stirred up. Thank you for sharing their story and your reactions to the ongoing unbelievable crises...

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  12. Oh no! I was hoping for her to have some peace and quiet.

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  13. I am sorry Doris died unexpectedly, and I'm sure the aftermath has been tough on all concerned, too.

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  14. So very sorry...just lost my dad. It's a sucky place to be...my heart goes out to you and Primo (and as big of a tool Sly is him too.) Hugs Goldie

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  15. Hopefully there is a woman reading this who has a husband like Sly, she sees this and says "No More! This could be me. I have to take action now or wind up like Doris!" Then she does it. She leaves that jerk and goes out and seizes life by the horns. She has romance, awesome sex and a fulfilling career. She has some fun, then finds a guy so awesome, kind, hard working and good in bed that she constantly smiles every day for the rest of her life.

    So sorry to hear about Doris...I had the same hopes for her.

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  16. Goldie & Primo, I am so sorry.

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  17. I'm so sorry for your loss.

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  18. I am so sorry to hear of her death. Too bad she didn't get a chance to enjoy life without being tormented.

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  19. My condolences to you and Primo for the unwanted ending. Grieving takes time, so don't be afraid or ashamed to take that time.

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  20. Sly and Doris have always sounded a lot like my grandparents, if they were poor and Canadian. Anyways, I am very sad that Doris went first. She certainly did deserve some time out from under him, if only to get a bit of breathing space at the end of her life. My grandmother did get 4 years of good after my grandfather died, she blossomed in a very quiet way, it was lovely to see.
    I hope Primo is getting some of his own time to blossom, with the time since her death.

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  21. You guys, thank you again for your kind thoughts and words. This has been very hard for Primo. Losing his mother is bad enough, but knowing that his father actually had a hand in her death through his drunkeness is making it much harder. xoxo

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  22. Oh, no. I'm so sorry. You and Primo are in my thoughts.

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  23. You have my deepest condolences Goldie and Primo. Doris deserved much more but at least she is at peace.

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  24. Really saddened to read that she died so suddenly. Condolences to Primo. At least she spent her last few days away from Sly, and with her son. Hope things are going well now.

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