Primo: My dad is feeling better. He is getting back to his old self.
Me: Oh. Is he starting to be mean?
Primo: No! Well. A little. He wanted to read today and he wasn't so out of it. But he picked at me.
Me: Uh huh.
Primo: And he told me that I have some speech pattern that annoys him.
Me: You mean the speech pattern in the speech you have while you are away from your home for more than a month, taking care of him?
Me: That's what I thought.
Primo: Well it's not like I have anything better to do. It's not like I should be with you instead of with him.
Me: Of course not.
Primo: Then he brought up the gag gift that Ted gave me at our wedding.
Me: What gag gift?
Primo: Don't you remember?
Me: No. He gave us the big salad fork and spoon. That wasn't a gag, was it? I actually like those.
Primo: No. Maybe I never told you.
Me: What was it?
Primo: When it was just my dad, him, and me, he gave me a cock ring.
Primo: I know. I feel kind of dumb because I'm not really sure what I'm supposed to do with it.
Me: Wait. Wait.
Primo: Have you ever used one?
Me: No. I have heard the term but have never seen one.
Primo: Do we need to spice things up?
Me: WAIT! WHO DOES THAT? Who gives that kind of gift?
Me: What. A. Jerk.
Primo: I know. Are you upset I didn't tell you then? It was probably because there was all that other stuff going on that week - you didn't need any more drama.
Me: The only reason I would have wanted to know back then would have been to reinforce what I thought about Ted, which is that he is a jerk. This would have given me more ammunition so I would never have had to wonder since then if perhaps I was misinterpreting or misjudging him and he is actually a great guy.