Saturday, October 3, 2015

In which Sly insults Primo so things are getting back to normal and Primo is reminded (as part of the insult, actually) of the horribly tacky wedding gift that Ted gave to him - do not read this post if you get offended easily

Primo: My dad is feeling better. He is getting back to his old self.

Me: Oh. Is he starting to be mean?

Primo: No! Well. A little. He wanted to read today and he wasn't so out of it. But he picked at me.

Me: Uh huh.

Primo: And he told me that I have some speech pattern that annoys him.

Me: You mean the speech pattern in the speech you have while you are away from your home for more than a month, taking care of him?

Primo: Yes.

Me: That's what I thought.

Primo: Well it's not like I have anything better to do. It's not like I should be with you instead of with him.

Me: Of course not.

Primo: Then he brought up the gag gift that Ted gave me at our wedding.

Me: What gag gift?

Primo: Don't you remember?

Me: No. He gave us the big salad fork and spoon. That wasn't a gag, was it? I actually like those.

Primo: No. Maybe I never told you.

Me: What was it?

Primo: When it was just my dad, him, and me, he gave me a cock ring.

Me: What?

Primo: I know. I feel kind of dumb because I'm not really sure what I'm supposed to do with it.

Me: Wait. Wait.

Primo: Have you ever used one?

Me: No. I have heard the term but have never seen one.

Primo: Do we need to spice things up?

Me: WAIT! WHO DOES THAT? Who gives that kind of gift?

Primo: Ted.

Me: What. A. Jerk.

Primo: I know. Are you upset I didn't tell you then? It was probably because there was all that other stuff going on that week - you didn't need any more drama.

Me: The only reason I would have wanted to know back then would have been to reinforce what I thought about Ted, which is that he is a jerk. This would have given me more ammunition so I would never have had to wonder since then if perhaps I was misinterpreting or misjudging him and he is actually a great guy.


  1. This is so off, it's disturbing. And passive aggressive!

    1. Emma, who does this? Now that I am three months ahead in the story, it is perfectly clear that this is something that Ted would do, but I did not know in June what a jerk he was.

  2. Getting ready for work and dribbled a little tea on my shirt reading that. My brother's ex did something like that when DH and I got unbelievably tacky.

    1. Kittychick - "Something like that" is not enough information. :)

  3. I am sorry to laugh, but that is just too funny. What an idiot.

    1. fmcgmccllc - it's OK to laugh. That's the whole point.

  4. When the time comes, I hope Primo inherits all of the assets and the only thing left to Ted is the cock ring.

  5. Jeez. It just keeps coming. And this is Primo's brother?

  6. See, in my family, that sort of gift would be a huge joke (but usually at the bachelor/bachelorette party) and would be joked about for years, with everyone being in on the joke. But my family is not like Primo's family. I hope you are able to laugh at some of this....(even if it's "if I don't laugh I'll cry" laughter...)