Saturday, October 31, 2015

In which I recommend that Sly follow the 12-step process

Where was I?

The bleeding was from the surgery. A slow bleed from the incision. They gave Sly a transfusion and he is much better.

He met with the oncologist, who offered chemo as an option. "It can increase your survival chances by five percent," she said.

"What is the rate without the chemo?" Primo asked.

"Twenty five percent," she told him.

I would not go through chemo for an five percent increase.

I would not go through chemo for a ten percent increase.

I might go through chemo for a 50% increase, but that is the minimum.I have seen what chemo looks like.

Primo came home today. He is home for a week. He spent yesterday scrambling to find people to take care of Sly's issues. He had to find someone to feed the cats ("Just pay the vet techs," I said.). He has to find someone to bring in the mail. Someone to do Sly's laundry. Someone to visit Sly.

This is what he did.

Here is a tentative schedule for the week. (Cleaning lady and Maria, you are welcome to work out details of the cat schedule differently if it's convenient for you.)

Day
Cats - AM
Cats - PM
Trash
Visit Dad
Saturday, 6/27
Primo
Cleaning lady


Sunday, 6/28
Maria
Cleaning lady
Jack (litterbox change not needed)
Jack (+ kids?)
Monday, 6/29
Maria
Cleaning lady

[Random friend of Ted's who should feel no obligation]
Tuesday, 6/30
Maria
Cleaning lady

   (Mon. or Tue.)
Wednesday, 7/1
Maria
Cleaning lady

Jack (+ kids?)
Thursday, 7/2
Maria
Cleaning lady

[Random friend of Ted's who should feel no obligation]
Friday, 7/3
Maria
Cleaning lady

   (Thurs. or Fri.)
Saturday, 7/4
Maria
Cleaning lady

Jack or Stephanie?
Sunday, 7/5
Maria
Primo
Not needed
(Primo returns Sunday afternoon)




I don't know why he makes it so hard on himself. His dad has the money to pay for someone to feed the cats. Sly can go without daily visitors. This friend of Ted's agreeing to do Sly's laundry - is Sly nice to everyone else but me? Because I would not do this stuff for Sly. (Wait! They didn't agree to do the laundry! They said no!)

Primo: My dad has not been mean to you lately.

Me: Uh huh.

Primo: He is even being nice to the nurses and aides.

Me: You mean the people he needs?

Primo: Yes. That is the cynical view.

Me: So now that he needs someone to take him to the bathroom, he does not feel the need to mock their lack of college education and mock how they speak?

Primo: That is a very cynical view. He is an old man. With cancer.

Me: Having cancer does not mean you are no longer a mean person. It does not undo everything you have said and done.

Primo: Maybe he has turned over a new leaf.

Me: Doubt it.

Primo: It could happen.

Me: If he is changing, then he needs to express remorse for his past actions, ask for forgiveness from the people he has harmed, and show a sincere effort to change.

Primo: Maybe.





6 comments:

  1. Speaking of the 12-step process, presumably Sly was sober during this period. I'm surprised he wasn't trying to get people to sneak him liquor as it doesn't seem like it would be that easy to go from his prior consumption to zero, especially if you were facing that cancer diagnosis.

    At least he's being decent to the caregivers. That's good, even if is only because he's dependent on them. So possibly he could hire help without running them off.

    I'm sure Primo is wanting a do-over on his sabbatical. Maybe he can have a very short extension after this is over?

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Luisa, Primo asked Sly if he wanted a beer at Doris' funeral and Sly said no! I was shocked.

      Primo has already brought up - several times - that he wants a do-over on the sabbatical.

      Delete
  2. OK , you were just there for several days, and as far as Sly was concerned, you were a complete non person. White noise. Because he didn't shout imprecautions at you, you should now feel all warm and cozy? How does ignoring you lead to the supposition he might now give a rodents patootie about you as a person in Primos eyes? I live on a busy street. I have lived on this busy street for over 15 years now. there was just now a 20 second window of no traffic down my street. I did not run into the street and lay down across the road hoping that the next car down the street would recognize my true worth and swerve around me. I would indeed expect to be run over.

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    Replies
    1. Anon, you are making me laugh. :) No, do not lie down on that road!

      Delete
  3. We always hope our parents can be the people we need/want them to be...but I agree with you, knowing how hard it is to change my behaviour, even when I REALLY want to, means I don't expect to see any Paul -on-the-road-to-Damascus moments in others. And...I know from experience that alcoholics can really go the distance in the self pity department, and their kids melt. So, hang in there, Goldie. Your objectivity and boundaries when it comes to Sly, and your love and support for Primo are your biggest assets.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Thanks, emma. I remind myself that Primo needs support to deal with Sly - that he should only have to deal with one jerk at a time.

      Delete

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