Sunday, October 25, 2015

In which I return to the scene of the bad bacon eating crime

Primo is making bacon. I told him I wasn't sure if it was the right thing to do for me to eat bacon at his mom and dad's house.

However, Ted's wife mentioned last night that you know, Sly and Doris did not like me because of my politics. So it wasn't just bacon.

Me: What do you mean? I never talked about politics with them!

TW: Well you know.

[Apparently, they shared this information with TW's - about how they didn't like me because of my politics.]

Me: I never talked about politics with them!

TW: Yeah, but Primo told them.

Me: But that's so stupid. Who uses political views as a basis of whether to like someone?

TW: Politics were very important to them.

Me: I couldn't care less what people think. I have friends from all sides. That is about the least important thing in a relationship.

TW: I was very close to them. [Read: I agree with them so shut up bitch or I will cut you.]

Other things:

1. Last night, Primo and I ate at Jack's house with Jack, Ted, Ted's Wife, and their son, who is mentally retarded. TW's no longer has a relationship with Ted's mom (aka Sly's ex) because TM emailed TW once telling her that it was her fault that the son was retarded because TW's had smoked throughout her pregnancy.

I am on TW's side on this.

1. Congenital problems are not caused by smoking.
2. Even if the son's problems were caused by TW's actions, telling her it is her fault that her child is damaged is unkind. It is beyond unkind - it is unspeakably cruel. There is nothing to be done at this point. It cannot be undone.
3. Who does this kind of thing?
4. Really? Who does this?

2. The funeral is today. Last night, Sly asked Primo to get three dozen yellow roses for the funeral from a specific florist. The florist closes at 5. Today is Sunday. The florist is not opened today. Sly asked at 6.

I called the grocery store and they did not have any yellow roses. I asked Ted if he would track some down this morning. He is on it. Primo is upset that Ted and Jack are not doing more - and he is justified in being upset, but sometimes, you have to ask people to do things. They are not going to think of it on their own.

3. By the same token, Ted told Primo that Primo is in charge, etc., and said that Primo should come up with a 30 day/90 day/one year plan with Sly. Primo's face fell. Primo is deep into the crisis right now - Sly had a bladder infection two days ago. Yesterday, he had two accidents that required a change of clothes and a transport back to the house of urine-soaked clothes for washing. Primo is so deep in the day to day that he does not have time to think about the big picture.

I asked Ted if he would draft a plan to help Primo out. He said of course.

[October update: It has been four months since that happened and Ted still has not drafted that plan. So much for asking.]

Sometimes you just have to ask people.

4. I noticed that the yard is really overgrown. I asked Sly if he wanted Primo and me to do some yard work tomorrow.

"Oh no," he said. "I'll take care of it when I get home."

Then he had his second urine accident.

5. Stephanie called this morning asking what she could do to help for the funeral. She is not even considered part of this family any more, but she is the only one who is looking for ways to take some of the burden from Primo. Ted did what was asked, but has not said, "Primo, let me take care of a, b, and c with dad so you can focus on planning your mother's funeral."

6. Yesterday, Primo, Stephanie, and I went around the house looking for photos of Doris for the funeral. There are photos on almost every horizontal surface and all over the walls. Photos of Nancy and Primo and Ted and Jack and Stephanie and the grandkids and Sly and Doris. Some of these photos are 50 years old. There is a photo of Isabel!

There is not one - not one - photo of me. Primo and my mom both send copies of photos from our wedding to Sly and Doris. (They had not taken any while they were there.) But there is not one of those photos showing. There is not one photo of me. :)

7. When Primo picked me up from the airport, he told me, "I was so worried because your plane was delayed because of the thunderstorm. I thought your plane was going to crash and my mother had just died and my dad is sick and my life was just going to hell."

I answered, "But if I died in a plane crash, you would get a lot of insurance money! Then when your dad dies, you would have even more money! You could follow your political bliss!"

He shook his head. "I would rather have you."

He is not usually given to imagination and sentiment.

8. When Stephanie was here, Primo called Sly to ask what clothes he wanted to wear for the funeral.

"He never wears long sleeves," Stephanie said. "And he will want these pants with the elastic waist."

Not exactly funeral attire, although in Sly's defense, he has just had surgery and probably doesn't need binding clothes around his waist.

Primo showed the clothes to Sly and asked if he wanted socks.

"No!" Sly thundered. "No socks!"

Well OK. It is his wife's funeral. He gets to make the rules.


  1. Re: #7

    Just the rawest (sp?) sweetest absolute definition of this relationship. Did you weep like a baby? I just might.

    1. Teen, I was so touched. Primo is an engineer - he is really not given to talking like a poet!

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  3. Only photos of Polka Dots get to be displayed in their house. Not even one token wedding photo? Sheesh.

  4. Poor Primo! BTW, why isn't Sly in diapers? When my mother went to the hospital, I told her nurse she had continence problems and would need help fast when she called them (too weak to walk). That nurse didn't say one word to either of us but whipped out that adult diaper and strapped in on her in seconds flat. And that was that.


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