Sunday, October 4, 2015

In which Primo and I are suspicious that Sly wants Maria to stay with him not for company but so he won't have to pay a stranger to be in his house

Primo: My dad doesn't want to go to rehab. He wants to go home.

Me: I guess he could do that if he hires help. It's his money.

Primo: He says Maria [Primo's niece] could stay with him.

Me: Well, sure. If she wants to. For company.

Primo: He says she could spend the night.

Me: As long as he doesn't expect her to do anything but keep him company.

Primo: I know.

Me: It is completely unreasonable for him to think his 22-year-old granddaughter would empty his urine bottle or take care of even nastier issues.

Primo: MAYBE she could make his supper. Or serve him something that's already been made.

Me: Maybe.

Primo: I need to talk to Jack [Maria's father] so he can set dad straight on this.

Me: He is not going to take advantage of that sweet girl.

12 comments:

  1. Ugh, ugh, ugh.

    When my dad was dying, i dealt with bathing him, dealing with diapers, and the portable toilet we moved into his bedroom--which had been the dining room before we needed a main floor bedroom for him.

    It was rough duty. I was happy to take care of him, but I was also a someone who had raised two children.

    My daughter was in her early twenties. She adored her grandfather and would have done all that was necessary for him, but I am relieved that she didn't have to.

    So I am hoping Maria isn't put in that position. I don't know Sly's relationship with her, but I somehow doubt that he has earned that kind of devotion and sacrifice from her.

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    1. Exactly, Lioners. You knew what you were getting into and you did it willingly. Sly has been very good about pointing out to Maria when she is gaining weight and advising her not to pursue certain career paths, as he thinks she can not handle the academics. This kind of treatment does not tend to create loving devotion.

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  2. By "raised two children," I mean that I had already spent years dealing with cleaning poop and scrubbing someone else's body, whereas my daughter hadn't.

    I don't mean to imply that someone must be a parent to be a competent caretaker.

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    1. I know. :) Most people can learn to clean poop.

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  3. taking. care of mother in her last few weeks was the most difficult thing I ever attempted. totally inappropriate for a 22 year old granddaughter. totally.

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    1. It is something you do with great love and devotion AND with complete knowledge of what you are getting into. It is not something you spring on someone or try to trick someone into doing.

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  4. And what if Sly falls on Maria? She should just be there so he isn't alone, but not taking care of him at all.

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    1. I never even thought of that! Excellent point! Maria is tiny - Sly could really hurt her.

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  5. I am so sorry to hear about all that you and Primo are going through. I just got caught up on your blog. I will be praying for you. So hard for Primo to lose his mom.

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  6. When my grandma was still alive, she had severe dementia (we think - may have been undiagnosed Alzheimer's). Every time grandpa would be in the hospital, my dad was always the responsible one (like Primo) and take care of grandma. My dad once asked grandpa what his plan was for future events like this, and he said, "Oh, B (my sister) can take care of her." So my grandpa just figured my sister would be fine taking care of her grandma because she still lived with my mom & dad. Nice. Dad said a big ol' NOPE to that.

    Since then, my dad has invited him to live in the house (currently for sale) across the street from theirs! (Dad would buy it.) Grandpa currently lives alone about 50 minutes away, and dad & mom visit him every week. He said no to moving. Why? "My doctors are here." Nevermind that there are doctors & hospitals in other cities, grandpa. Old people. I guess he'd rather be lonely in his old house that could conceivably kill him. (It's almost happened by accident a couple times.)

    I feel you. Primo is a saint, and I know you don't feel like it sometimes, but you are a patient woman and a good wife. :)

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    1. Seriously, what is it with people who think that other people owe them time and effort? It is a gift, it is not an obligation, for a child (or a grandchild) to care for a (grand)parent.

      Thank you. :)

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