Friday, November 20, 2015

In which Sam counsels Primo not to be the trustee for the trust because it is a huge pain in the neck, everyone will hate him, and he doesn't get paid for it, and tells him that no, he should not make Ted and Jack partial beneficiaries of Sly's IRA (which would mean I would get less money if Primo dies before I do)

Sam called to advise Primo about the will and the IRA.

"They cannot break the IRA," he said. "In the legal field, you never say zero, but it is as close to zero as you can get when you talk about breaking a beneficiary designation on an IRA."

I told him that Primo had suggested that he make Ted and Jack beneficiaries with me on the IRA once it is transferred to him.

"Screw them!" Sam said. "Your dad had ten years - ten years - to change his will and the beneficiary designations. He didn't do it. Why not?"

"Because he had already given a lot of money to Ted and to Jack and he was worried they would waste it," Primo answered.

"That's what I thought," Sam said. "That was your dad's decision. You don't owe them anything."

And more discussion about how Primo thinks Ted is getting screwed a little in this, which he is, but on the other hand, Ted still has his mother to inherit from and Ted has not bothered to have a real job in years because, as he told Primo, he decided he would rather "do good than make money," which is a really nice thing to want to do and is easy to do if you can get someone else to pay your bills, but most of us don't have a rich mother or a wife who is willing to be the main breadwinner.

(I am right now the wife who is the main breadwinner and I do not like it.)

(However, inheriting Sly's IRA could go a long way to taking the sting out of this.)

(I hope Primo takes Sam's advice and does not designate Ted and Jack as partial beneficiaries. I do think there is a somewhat reasonable argument that money from their dad should not go to me, but there is also the reasonable argument that

1. Sly knew he hated me yet did not set up a structure where Primo got the money only until he died and then it reverted to some vehicle for Ted and Jack
2. Primo is inheriting from both his mother and his father, so when you take the total estate, he should get half because that would be from his mother and then he should get one third of his dad's estate. Right now, with the values of the trust and the IRA, Primo is getting slightly less than half.
3. It is not unreasonable for a wife to inherit her husband's estate and I am pretty sure that if Sly had left the IRA to Ted, Ted would not have made his wife only a partial beneficiary and Jack and Primo the other beneficiaries.)

Then Sam advised Primo to resign as trustee on the trust for the grandchildren. The documents state that the money will be held in trust for them until they are 30, with the trustee allowed to disburse funds for education and maintenance expenses.

"Any degree of subjectivity - anything where you have to exercise discretion - and you are going to tick people off. I had to do it for my aunt's trust and it was the biggest hassle ever. You do not want to do this. Turn it over to a lawyer. Plus, you're responsible for making the investment decisions. Do not do this."

"Listen to your friend," I say. "He knows what he is talking about."

And then.

Me: Primo found another porn stash.

Sam: Another one?

Primo: This was not the first one.

Me: He found photos.

Primo: Of them.

Sam: Photos?

Me: Naked.

Primo: I was looking for financial documents and they were stuck in the drawer.

Sam: I hope of them when they were younger.

Primo: Oh yes.

Sam: What did you do with them?

Primo: I put them back.

Julie (Sam's wife): You didn't burn them?

Primo: No!

Me: Because doing something about them was out of scope?

Primo: Yes! The mission was to find the financial documents, not to throw stuff away.

Sam: So you just put them back?

Primo: Of course.

Me: Good grief.

Sam: I can't imagine. The worst thing our kids can think of is to think about us having sex.

Me: Were the photos - did they have - did they show - any equipment?

Sam: Equipment?

Me: The first thing was when Sly reminisced with Primo about - about certain intimate practices he shared with Doris.

Sam: And?

Me: Ummm. Involving equipment.

Sam: ??

Primo: Dildos.

Me: More than that. Strap ons.

Julie: NONONONONONO! My ears! My ears!

Sam: What?

Me: I can't say it again.

Julie [laughing]: How do I unhear that?

Sam: What!

Me: I told you. I cannot say it again.

Sam: Oh. OH! Oh man. That - that is an image I wish had never entered my mind.


  1. I have a bad feeling that Primo didn't listen to Sam.

  2. Omg, I'm totally going to yell at the two of you right now.



    If they had paid professionals for the additional care that they required for that past year, they'd probably have spent *at least* that much on it.

    On top of which - hello, so they got theirs pre-paid, what's wrong with saying "that's enough"?

    - AC

    1. AC, I read this comment last night before I went to bed, so in my head I started doing some math. Even at minimum wage, for ten hours a day without overtime, Primo would have earned (thinks) about $5K just for the time from when Doris went into the hospital to when Sly died. Using $15/hour, which is what Primo thinks should be minimum wage, it would be over $10K. If you up the wage for WIPING SLY'S BUTT and if you throw in the trip for Sly's knee surgery, the trip when he thought he was going to have surgery, and the trip when Sly told Primo that he thought Doris was dying, yeah. That's some cash.

    2. PS You are preaching to the choir. :)

  3. Cat's argument makes a ton of sense.

  4. Alienation of affection. That's what I was thinking of earlier. You get money for the alienation of affection. Hey, even Sly would have to agree with that...

    1. Yep. Considering part of the lawsuit against the hospital when Doris (who was probably drunk) fell and broke her wrist was alienation of affection.

  5. No matter what, relationships with Ted and the other one are going to be strained, and as pointed out, they would not have shared the IRA. And, Goldie, you and Primo have no children to benefit from the trust, and Primo has done most of the work taking care of Doris and Sly. DO NOT SHARE THE IRA!!!

    Having a shredder and shredding things as they were found would have been a good idea.

    1. Sprky, I do not care if I ever talk to Ted again. So yeah - show me the money.

  6. Re the IRA. as i suspect you learned months ago, the minute Sly died the IRA became fully Primo's. That's how that works. It passed automatically outside of the estate directly to Primo and poof became Primo's money. Now if Primo really wants his brothers to inherit HIS money, he can name them as beneficiaries. But there is absolutely no reason for him to do that.

    Re Ted. He probably thought doing good was a lot nicer when he was depending on Sly's money. Now, maybe not so much.

    I suspect he did not really get anything from Doris, since she probably left everything to Sly and so it poof became Sly's and so his Will dictates. That is a damn shame!

    1. This is pretty much what I wanted to say. It's an IRA, not an antique or heirloom imbued with memories. You can find plenty of rationalizations on any side for what to do with it because of its history, but it's money, not an object. It immediately became communal property of Primo and Goldie, and Primo should treat it the same as he would the rest of his estate.

    2. Sly and Doris's wills left everything to the other and then to the grandkids. There was no special provision for Primo. Again, their money, they get to do what they want. But all the threats of disinheriting? When he wasn't even inherited?

      Ted is a jerk. Who wouldn't want to do good instead of going to work every day if he had a chance? He's not a trust fund brat, but he sure acts like one. And yeah, he will get money from his mom and has gotten plenty of money from Sly and Doris over the years and his son gets 1/4 of the estate, so it's not like he's left out in the cold.

  7. "I am right now the wife who is the main breadwinner and I do not like it." = Leverage!


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