Ch 2 Sly and Doris thought I was “rude and detached” because I was on Primo’s computer reading the Sunday newspaper online while they were reading the paper Sunday newspaper in paper

Primo: Ready to visit my mom and dad again?

Me: Yeah, sure. It was so fabulous. They were so welcoming.

Primo: I know.

Me: They don’t like anyone, do they?

Primo: They like me. But they still think I am doing it wrong.

Me: What are you doing wrong?

Primo: They told me not to marry [ex-wife]. They still bring it up.

Me: They do? I didn’t hear them say anything about her when we were there.

Primo: Maybe they thought it was too personal to mention in front of someone they had just met?

Me: Definitely. It was pretty clear they were holding back out of a sense of propriety. They crossed no boundaries at all. If only they would say what they really think. They were so – so – superficial. I have no idea what they think about anything. They were Sphinx-like, really. I bet they are great poker players.

Primo: And my dad thinks I should have gotten a PhD or at least a master’s degree. I did start a master’s, but I hated it and dropped out. They are still ticked off about that.

Me: But you have supported yourself – and other people – since college. You haven’t asked them for money, have you?

Primo: No! Ted and Jack have, but I never have. But my dad thinks that because I do not have an advanced degree, I am not doing it right.

Me: It seems like not much makes them happy.

Primo: Nope. I was not happy with how they treated you. When we got back, I told them that.

Me: You did?

Primo: Of course I did! I said I had hoped they would be more welcoming.

Me: What did they say to that?

Primo: My mom emailed me.

Me: Let me see.

Doris wrote,

I'm sorry . . . that you noticed the chill in my last message. Sometimes I get the feeling that your dad and I have gotten placed rather low on the totem pole[1] of your priorities. I promise to open my mind and heart to your girlfriend and look for areas of mutual interest. Neither dad nor I recall any instances when we were rude or unwelcoming to Goldie.[2]

If you have any examples of our behaviors that were offensive, PLEASE tell us. I simply wasn't yet comfortable in giving her hugs,[3] and we saw her as, frankly, rudely detached, spending time in the living room on your computer, with us sitting there,[4] and both of you putting your heads privately together, even though we were present, and whispering, much the way you and [ex-wife] used to do,[5] as if you were enjoying some private joke that we weren't supposed to know about.

Me: Well OK. I wondered if they might have decided they liked me after all but I guess they didn’t.

Primo: Nope.

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[1] The bottom of the totem pole is the best place to be. If only Primo had written back with that information.

[2] Well they wouldn’t, would they?

[3] In their defense, I did not want to hug them, either.

[4] While they were reading the paper or doing crossword puzzles or otherwise showing no interest in me whatsoever

[5] In the one and only visit [ex-wife] made to Sly and Doris’ – after that, she refused to have anything to do with them. I am in solidarity with you, my sister.