Primo: I got a lot done today. Stephanie's friend, Madge, came over to help.
Me: Oh right! She used to own a thrift store, right?
Primo: Yes. And she used to put on estate sales, too.
Me: How much is she charging?
Primo: Nothing! She won't let me pay her! She is doing this just because she is Stephanie's friend.
Me: Wow. A nice gift card, I think. Stephanie can tell you where Madge likes.
Primo: She told me what to charge for some of the furniture. I didn't know. One of the neighbors wants some stuff for her son's new apartment.
Me: Good.
Primo: And she wants to have a garage sale.
Me: Oh you'll love that.
Primo: She said that even if you put in the ad that it starts at 9 a.m., people will show up at 5:30! And they wear those miners' lights!
Me: People are crazy.
Primo: I don't want to be up at 5:30! I asked her why you can't tell people just to go away and she said because you want their money.
Me: This is not for you!
Primo: She found an ashtray. I was going to throw it away and she said to keep it. "Someday, it will be a collectors' item," she said.
Wednesday, December 23, 2015
Tuesday, December 22, 2015
In which Primo is sad because he is the only one alive from his immediate family
Primo: I am so tired. I did a lot of work today, but there is still so much to be done.
Me: I know, sweetie. It is a huge burden.
Primo: And I'm not like you - I can't just throw things away.
Me: No, that is not your forte.
Primo: I have to throw away boxes of my mom's stuff about Nancy and mental health. She wanted to write a book.
Me: That's a lot.
Primo: I feel guilty about it - all her work - but that's not my work. I am not going to carry on her work.
Me: It's OK. I truly do not think your mom would expect you to do that. I just wish she had lived longer than your dad so she could have had some peace.
Primo: I get so distracted doing this. I start reading the papers and notes and books and looking at the photos. But it's my family and they are all dead. I am the only one now. It makes me sad.
Me: I know, sweetie. It is a huge burden.
Primo: And I'm not like you - I can't just throw things away.
Me: No, that is not your forte.
Primo: I have to throw away boxes of my mom's stuff about Nancy and mental health. She wanted to write a book.
Me: That's a lot.
Primo: I feel guilty about it - all her work - but that's not my work. I am not going to carry on her work.
Me: It's OK. I truly do not think your mom would expect you to do that. I just wish she had lived longer than your dad so she could have had some peace.
Primo: I get so distracted doing this. I start reading the papers and notes and books and looking at the photos. But it's my family and they are all dead. I am the only one now. It makes me sad.
In which Ted calls Primo and screams at him because he is so angry that he will not be making money off going to his own father's funeral
The day Primo sends the email to Ted explaining how much he will reimburse Ted for TED TO ATTEND HIS OWN FATHER'S FUNERAL, Ted calls Primo and screams at him.
In which Primo gives Ted a super calm, reasoned explanation of why $875 cash reimbursement for a 25,000 frequent flier miles ticket that the airline charges about one cent apiece for is a bad idea
This is super long, but I want you to read for yourself and realize that Primo is being reasonable, calm, and non-confrontational in his explanation to Ted that he will not be reimbursing Ted $875 for a frequent flier miles ticket that costs $300 on the open market.
Ted,
Regarding your request for a timetable: I called [the financial advisor's] office to check on the status of the trust accounts and spoke to one of his assistants within the past hour. Last week, I filled out multiple forms to open a new account over which I will have control as Trustee and to authorize the transfer of assets from the original trust account into the new account. The new account has been opened, the transfer should occur within the next couple of days, and I should have checks for the new account by the end of next week. It is good that I called today because the checks had not been ordered; they must be sent to my home address and should arrive within a day or two of my arrival there (next Wednesday evening).
You mentioned my "fiduciary duty to our father’s estate regarding his will, his wishes, and [any] codicils he entered into." As specified in the trust document, my fiduciary duty is to the beneficiaries of the trust: your son, Michael, Maria, and Pia. Dad's will exists primarily to sweep any residue of his estate into the trust. You are not mentioned in the will or in the trust document. Jack is not mentioned in the will or in the trust document. I am mentioned in the will only as the Successor Personal Representative, and I am mentioned in the trust document only as the Successor Trustee (and as the contingent beneficiary only if all four grandchildren were to predecease me, which did not occur).
As far as I know, Dad's will had no codicils (and my mother's will also had none). Dad did mention a desire to make some changes to the trust document, but no changes were made. As we know, his demise was sudden and unexpected; we had every reason to believe that his remaining time would be measured in months or (a small number of) years. It is unfortunate that he did not make the changes he had been contemplating, but the documents are what they are.
I am aware that Dad informally expressed some wishes that were not included in his will or in the trust document. His statements expressing those wishes-- regardless of whether they were made verbally or written down in personal letters, emails, or other documents on a computer -- do not have the force of law, but as Personal Representative and Trustee I have been granted sufficient discretion to attempt to satisfy those wishes; for example, I am going to do my best to locate the bracelet that Dad wanted [your wife] to have.
Regarding your request for reimbursement of your travel costs: Dad mentioned (when I was in the room) that he did not want you to pay for your travel out-of-pocket. Because he reimbursed me for some of my travel costs and expressed a willingness to cover your costs, I assume that his wish applied to your entire family, and as Trustee I am willing to reimburse you for reasonable costs.
I will reimburse you as requested for the car rental, gasoline, parking, and food. Although the amounts for a couple of those dinners seem a bit high (I've eaten only one $50+/person dinner during all of the time I've spent in Florida since Dad's knee surgery, and that was our big family dinner at Dad's funeral), it was certainly reasonable to buy dinner for Jack and for [your friends], who housed you for several nights and were exceptionally nice and helpful to Dad.
Your request for "reimbursement" of more than $3,000 for five one-way domestic coach flights, only one of which was (or should have been) booked at the last minute, is not reasonable.
First, this is not really reimbursement. To reimburse, according to Merriam-Webster, is "to pay someone an amount of money equal to an amount that person has spent." You used 87,500 frequent-flyer miles and spent $114.79 in airline fees, but you are asking for "reimbursement" of $3045 (which should actually have been $3062.50 at 3.5 cents/mile; your number must have been calculated from 87,000 miles instead of 87,500) in addition to the cost of the airline fees.
Second, the price of miles when buying them from the airlines without traveling (3.5 cents/mile) is greatly inflated and is much higher than their actual value, which is generally acknowledged to be in the range of 1 to 2 cents per mile. It is possible for the value of miles to be as high as 2.3 to 2.5 cents each when they are used for international business-class or first-class travel, but for domestic coach travel a reasonable estimate of the value of the miles is 1.5 cents each. It is easy to confirm this on the Internet. Here are two good sets of estimates:
http://thepointsguy.com/2015/08/august-2015-monthly-valuations/
http://viewfromthewing.boardingarea.com/2014/12/07/value-of-miles-and-points-by-airline/
I am willing to "reimburse" you for the flights in one of two ways:
(1) At 1.5 cents per FF mile plus the fees: 87,500 * 0.015 = $1312.50 + $114.79 = $1427.29
(2) Based on a reasonable estimate of the costs to purchase the same tickets (i.e., what you would have or should have paid to purchase the same tickets using money instead of miles), as explained below.
Segment 1: [Ted's house to Sly's house] nonstop on United on a Saturday, booked the night before. Last Friday (because we were already discussing this), I checked United's website and found that a coach seat on the same flight you took to see Dad could have been purchased for the next day for $376.10. The price of the same flight for this coming Saturday is quite a bit higher: $521.10, although another nonstop flight on the same day is available for $166.10. I'll give you the benefit of the doubt on this segment (because you booked it the night before and thought it was important to arrive in the afternoon, not in the evening) and assign a value of $521.10, which is not far from United's highest price for a coach seat on that route.
Note that your statement "I used FF miles, which cost approximately 1/2 of last-minute airfares" is not true, at least not according to the value you've tried to assign to your miles (3.5 cents each). You spent 25,000 miles on that one-way flight and requested "reimbursement" of $875 (plus fees) for that segment, suggesting that the last-minute price for that ticket might have been more than $1700! (Even the first-class price is $670.10, which is still not anywhere near $875.)
Segment 2: [Ted's house to Sly's house] on Delta, booked several days in advance (after you and I agreed that you would depart and I would arrive on that date). For next Tuesday, this routing is available on Delta for $144.60. For the following Tuesday, it's available for $81.60. Even for later today, it's available for $161.60. I cannot reasonably assign a value greater than $161.60 to this segment.
Segment 3: Again, [Ted's house to Sly's house] nonstop on United on a Saturday (for my mother's funeral), but this time you booked at least a few days in advance. As mentioned previously, I found prices for this route ranging from $166.10 to $521.10. I'll once again give you the benefit of the doubt on this segment and assign a value of $376.10, which is for a ticket in one of the higher fare classes I mentioned above.
Segment 4: [Ted's house to Sly's house] (two tickets, for you and for your son) on Delta on a Friday. We agreed on the date for Dad's service three weeks beforehand, so this was or at least should have been booked well in advance. (I booked the flights for GD and me three weeks in advance.) For a week from Friday, multiple flights with this routing are available on Delta for $161.60 per ticket. For Friday, multiple flights with this routing are available for $211.60 per ticket. I can reasonably assign this segment a value of $211.60 per ticket.
Using this method, the amount to pay you will be the estimated cost of purchasing the flights using the values assigned above. In each case, I have assigned values that are greater than the lowest prices I found.
Segment 1: $521.10
Segment 2: $161.60
Segment 3: $376.10
Segment 4: $211.60 x 2 tickets = $423.20
Total: $1482.00
Note that:
Therefore, when I am able to send you a check, it will be for $2492.60. I should be able to send the check approximately ten days from now, so you should expect to have it about two weeks from now.
Breakdown:
I've made good progress at the house since arriving here on Sunday night. The biggest news is that C2 was adopted yesterday (thanks to Nadine, the neighbor, who worked with a local animal rescue organization that found him a new home).
Primo
P.S. I use my name at the end of an email to honor the tradition of signing one's name at the end of a letter.
Ted,
Regarding your request for a timetable: I called [the financial advisor's] office to check on the status of the trust accounts and spoke to one of his assistants within the past hour. Last week, I filled out multiple forms to open a new account over which I will have control as Trustee and to authorize the transfer of assets from the original trust account into the new account. The new account has been opened, the transfer should occur within the next couple of days, and I should have checks for the new account by the end of next week. It is good that I called today because the checks had not been ordered; they must be sent to my home address and should arrive within a day or two of my arrival there (next Wednesday evening).
You mentioned my "fiduciary duty to our father’s estate regarding his will, his wishes, and [any] codicils he entered into." As specified in the trust document, my fiduciary duty is to the beneficiaries of the trust: your son, Michael, Maria, and Pia. Dad's will exists primarily to sweep any residue of his estate into the trust. You are not mentioned in the will or in the trust document. Jack is not mentioned in the will or in the trust document. I am mentioned in the will only as the Successor Personal Representative, and I am mentioned in the trust document only as the Successor Trustee (and as the contingent beneficiary only if all four grandchildren were to predecease me, which did not occur).
As far as I know, Dad's will had no codicils (and my mother's will also had none). Dad did mention a desire to make some changes to the trust document, but no changes were made. As we know, his demise was sudden and unexpected; we had every reason to believe that his remaining time would be measured in months or (a small number of) years. It is unfortunate that he did not make the changes he had been contemplating, but the documents are what they are.
I am aware that Dad informally expressed some wishes that were not included in his will or in the trust document. His statements expressing those wishes-- regardless of whether they were made verbally or written down in personal letters, emails, or other documents on a computer -- do not have the force of law, but as Personal Representative and Trustee I have been granted sufficient discretion to attempt to satisfy those wishes; for example, I am going to do my best to locate the bracelet that Dad wanted [your wife] to have.
Regarding your request for reimbursement of your travel costs: Dad mentioned (when I was in the room) that he did not want you to pay for your travel out-of-pocket. Because he reimbursed me for some of my travel costs and expressed a willingness to cover your costs, I assume that his wish applied to your entire family, and as Trustee I am willing to reimburse you for reasonable costs.
I will reimburse you as requested for the car rental, gasoline, parking, and food. Although the amounts for a couple of those dinners seem a bit high (I've eaten only one $50+/person dinner during all of the time I've spent in Florida since Dad's knee surgery, and that was our big family dinner at Dad's funeral), it was certainly reasonable to buy dinner for Jack and for [your friends], who housed you for several nights and were exceptionally nice and helpful to Dad.
Your request for "reimbursement" of more than $3,000 for five one-way domestic coach flights, only one of which was (or should have been) booked at the last minute, is not reasonable.
First, this is not really reimbursement. To reimburse, according to Merriam-Webster, is "to pay someone an amount of money equal to an amount that person has spent." You used 87,500 frequent-flyer miles and spent $114.79 in airline fees, but you are asking for "reimbursement" of $3045 (which should actually have been $3062.50 at 3.5 cents/mile; your number must have been calculated from 87,000 miles instead of 87,500) in addition to the cost of the airline fees.
Second, the price of miles when buying them from the airlines without traveling (3.5 cents/mile) is greatly inflated and is much higher than their actual value, which is generally acknowledged to be in the range of 1 to 2 cents per mile. It is possible for the value of miles to be as high as 2.3 to 2.5 cents each when they are used for international business-class or first-class travel, but for domestic coach travel a reasonable estimate of the value of the miles is 1.5 cents each. It is easy to confirm this on the Internet. Here are two good sets of estimates:
http://thepointsguy.com/2015/08/august-2015-monthly-valuations/
http://viewfromthewing.boardingarea.com/2014/12/07/value-of-miles-and-points-by-airline/
I am willing to "reimburse" you for the flights in one of two ways:
(1) At 1.5 cents per FF mile plus the fees: 87,500 * 0.015 = $1312.50 + $114.79 = $1427.29
(2) Based on a reasonable estimate of the costs to purchase the same tickets (i.e., what you would have or should have paid to purchase the same tickets using money instead of miles), as explained below.
Segment 1: [Ted's house to Sly's house] nonstop on United on a Saturday, booked the night before. Last Friday (because we were already discussing this), I checked United's website and found that a coach seat on the same flight you took to see Dad could have been purchased for the next day for $376.10. The price of the same flight for this coming Saturday is quite a bit higher: $521.10, although another nonstop flight on the same day is available for $166.10. I'll give you the benefit of the doubt on this segment (because you booked it the night before and thought it was important to arrive in the afternoon, not in the evening) and assign a value of $521.10, which is not far from United's highest price for a coach seat on that route.
Note that your statement "I used FF miles, which cost approximately 1/2 of last-minute airfares" is not true, at least not according to the value you've tried to assign to your miles (3.5 cents each). You spent 25,000 miles on that one-way flight and requested "reimbursement" of $875 (plus fees) for that segment, suggesting that the last-minute price for that ticket might have been more than $1700! (Even the first-class price is $670.10, which is still not anywhere near $875.)
Segment 2: [Ted's house to Sly's house] on Delta, booked several days in advance (after you and I agreed that you would depart and I would arrive on that date). For next Tuesday, this routing is available on Delta for $144.60. For the following Tuesday, it's available for $81.60. Even for later today, it's available for $161.60. I cannot reasonably assign a value greater than $161.60 to this segment.
Segment 3: Again, [Ted's house to Sly's house] nonstop on United on a Saturday (for my mother's funeral), but this time you booked at least a few days in advance. As mentioned previously, I found prices for this route ranging from $166.10 to $521.10. I'll once again give you the benefit of the doubt on this segment and assign a value of $376.10, which is for a ticket in one of the higher fare classes I mentioned above.
Segment 4: [Ted's house to Sly's house] (two tickets, for you and for your son) on Delta on a Friday. We agreed on the date for Dad's service three weeks beforehand, so this was or at least should have been booked well in advance. (I booked the flights for GD and me three weeks in advance.) For a week from Friday, multiple flights with this routing are available on Delta for $161.60 per ticket. For Friday, multiple flights with this routing are available for $211.60 per ticket. I can reasonably assign this segment a value of $211.60 per ticket.
Using this method, the amount to pay you will be the estimated cost of purchasing the flights using the values assigned above. In each case, I have assigned values that are greater than the lowest prices I found.
Segment 1: $521.10
Segment 2: $161.60
Segment 3: $376.10
Segment 4: $211.60 x 2 tickets = $423.20
Total: $1482.00
Note that:
- The fees you paid ($114.79) are not included when using this second method, because the ticket prices above include all taxes and fees. (You still come out slightly better with $1482.00 than with $1427.29.)
- My analysis is consistent with the rule of thumb that FF miles are worth approximately 1.5 cents each, especially because I used relatively high prices for each of your nonstop flights.
Therefore, when I am able to send you a check, it will be for $2492.60. I should be able to send the check approximately ten days from now, so you should expect to have it about two weeks from now.
Breakdown:
- Air travel: $1482.00
- Car rental and gasoline: $463.69
- Parking: $130.00
- Dinners: $416.91
I've made good progress at the house since arriving here on Sunday night. The biggest news is that C2 was adopted yesterday (thanks to Nadine, the neighbor, who worked with a local animal rescue organization that found him a new home).
Primo
P.S. I use my name at the end of an email to honor the tradition of signing one's name at the end of a letter.
In which Primo and I take C1 to get her claws trimmed and the vet gives up because C1 DOES NOT LIKE THAT
Which is why it was such a miracle that Nadine was able to trim C1's claws.
Note the leather gauntlets on the vet tech. Completely necessary.
Added: Our cat in the mask our vet had to snap onto her. She, too, does not like to be at the vet, although she will let Primo cut her nails.
Monday, December 21, 2015
In which Cat #2 is adopted and we are happy but we are also sad because we love our pets more than we love our people sometimes
Primo messaged me this morning to tell me that the cat adoption lady came by to pick up Cat #2 this morning. C2 is going to a retired, widowed Lutheran minister whose cat died. He (the minister) is lonely and used to having a cat and I guess doesn't mind having a mature (13 years old) cat instead of a kitten.
Heck, I don't have the energy for a kitten and I am not a retired widow. Kittens are lovely (have you seen tinykittens.com?) but they are work.
Sly and Doris' neighbor, whom we shall call Nadine, has been taking care of the cats. Nadine shall be her name, no matter if I have already mentioned or named her. I cannot remember and I am too lazy to search previous posts.
Nadine is lovely. LOVELY. She came to the funeral and spoke and said she felt bad that she had not been a better neighbor and Primo and I were all, "What IS she talking about? She is married with a little kid and a full-time job. As long as she brings in her trash cans, cuts her grass, and doesn't spit on her neighbors, she is a good neighbor."
But Primo had told Nadine that Sly and Doris thought they had offended Nadine somehow because she didn't - she didn't - I don't know! Maybe she didn't talk to them as much once her baby was born because she had a baby? Maybe rather than wondering why Nadine and her husband were not as friendly as they had been, Sly and Doris could have said, "Oh! You just had a baby? Could we make you dinner? Would you like us to come over for an hour in the morning so we can watch the baby while you take a shower?"
It is my most positive guess that words like that never crossed Sly and Doris' lips, but you know - don't speak ill of the dead, etc, etc.
Poor Nadine feels guilty because Sly and Doris thought they had done something and they never asked Nadine if everything was OK. You know - the way a normal person would.
Where was I?
Well, Nadine has been an angel and has been taking care of the cats and has lent her gardening tools to Primo and had been busting her butt to get C1 and C2 adopted. Seriously. She took the cats to a cat adoption event and got them featured on some cat radio broadcast and, along with a vet tech friend of hers, she even cut C1's nails.
Nadine truly is an angel.
Primo needs to get her a really nice bottle of wine or a Starbucks gift card or a restaurant certificate or all three.
Yesterday, Nadine found someone to adopt C2. C2 is an older boy, a Maine Coon. He is sweet and gentle and has a tiny little voice that belies his big fluffy Maine Coon-ness. He is a lovebug and just wants to be brushed and petted.
Unfortunately, he also wants to be with Primo at night and will hurl himself at the bedroom door like a battering ram, so Primo has to drag a bookcase across the archway and then put a folding table on top of the bookcase to keep C2 from jumping onto the bookcase.
A few nights ago, C2 knocked down the folding table and made such a clatter.
Primo will not miss that part of C2.
But here is the sad part and this probably should have been the lede. It made me sad to think of C2 going to his new home. Everything is all different and wrong for him. For 13 years, he lived with Sly and Doris. As mean as Sly could be, I never saw him or heard of him being mean to his pets. He loved his kitties. That might be the only nice thing I can say about him, but it is something. Sly loved his pets.
Now C2 is being taken away to a new place. I am sure the retired Lutheran minister will be wonderful, but C2 wants his place. He doesn't understand what's going on. He just knows that everything has changed. The hand has changed. The steps have changed. And that makes me sad because there might be things about certain people we won't miss, we never want our pets to suffer. They have never done anything to deserve it. Goodbye, C2.
Heck, I don't have the energy for a kitten and I am not a retired widow. Kittens are lovely (have you seen tinykittens.com?) but they are work.
Sly and Doris' neighbor, whom we shall call Nadine, has been taking care of the cats. Nadine shall be her name, no matter if I have already mentioned or named her. I cannot remember and I am too lazy to search previous posts.
Nadine is lovely. LOVELY. She came to the funeral and spoke and said she felt bad that she had not been a better neighbor and Primo and I were all, "What IS she talking about? She is married with a little kid and a full-time job. As long as she brings in her trash cans, cuts her grass, and doesn't spit on her neighbors, she is a good neighbor."
But Primo had told Nadine that Sly and Doris thought they had offended Nadine somehow because she didn't - she didn't - I don't know! Maybe she didn't talk to them as much once her baby was born because she had a baby? Maybe rather than wondering why Nadine and her husband were not as friendly as they had been, Sly and Doris could have said, "Oh! You just had a baby? Could we make you dinner? Would you like us to come over for an hour in the morning so we can watch the baby while you take a shower?"
It is my most positive guess that words like that never crossed Sly and Doris' lips, but you know - don't speak ill of the dead, etc, etc.
Poor Nadine feels guilty because Sly and Doris thought they had done something and they never asked Nadine if everything was OK. You know - the way a normal person would.
Where was I?
Well, Nadine has been an angel and has been taking care of the cats and has lent her gardening tools to Primo and had been busting her butt to get C1 and C2 adopted. Seriously. She took the cats to a cat adoption event and got them featured on some cat radio broadcast and, along with a vet tech friend of hers, she even cut C1's nails.
Nadine truly is an angel.
Primo needs to get her a really nice bottle of wine or a Starbucks gift card or a restaurant certificate or all three.
Yesterday, Nadine found someone to adopt C2. C2 is an older boy, a Maine Coon. He is sweet and gentle and has a tiny little voice that belies his big fluffy Maine Coon-ness. He is a lovebug and just wants to be brushed and petted.
Unfortunately, he also wants to be with Primo at night and will hurl himself at the bedroom door like a battering ram, so Primo has to drag a bookcase across the archway and then put a folding table on top of the bookcase to keep C2 from jumping onto the bookcase.
A few nights ago, C2 knocked down the folding table and made such a clatter.
Primo will not miss that part of C2.
But here is the sad part and this probably should have been the lede. It made me sad to think of C2 going to his new home. Everything is all different and wrong for him. For 13 years, he lived with Sly and Doris. As mean as Sly could be, I never saw him or heard of him being mean to his pets. He loved his kitties. That might be the only nice thing I can say about him, but it is something. Sly loved his pets.
Now C2 is being taken away to a new place. I am sure the retired Lutheran minister will be wonderful, but C2 wants his place. He doesn't understand what's going on. He just knows that everything has changed. The hand has changed. The steps have changed. And that makes me sad because there might be things about certain people we won't miss, we never want our pets to suffer. They have never done anything to deserve it. Goodbye, C2.
Sunday, December 20, 2015
In which Primo and I wonder what to do about the porn, the - equipment, and the naked photos of Sly and Doris
Primo: What do I do with those photos of my parents?
Me: The naked ones?
Primo: Yes.
Me: Don't bring them into this house.
Primo: No.
Me: I mean, whatever consenting adults want to do, I don't care. But I don't even want to see naked photos of people I like.
Primo: What do I do with them?
Me: You don't want to put them in the trash. I wouldn't want someone else to find them. Not because I think they would be offended, but this is personal and private about your parents. Although I get the idea your dad would be happy to have them in the public eye.
Primo: I don't know.
Me: You could burn them.
Primo: I could.
Me: You would get to play with fire.
Primo: Oh! There is a shredder in my dad's office. I can just shred them.
Me: OK. And put the rest of that stuff in the trash.
Me: The naked ones?
Primo: Yes.
Me: Don't bring them into this house.
Primo: No.
Me: I mean, whatever consenting adults want to do, I don't care. But I don't even want to see naked photos of people I like.
Primo: What do I do with them?
Me: You don't want to put them in the trash. I wouldn't want someone else to find them. Not because I think they would be offended, but this is personal and private about your parents. Although I get the idea your dad would be happy to have them in the public eye.
Primo: I don't know.
Me: You could burn them.
Primo: I could.
Me: You would get to play with fire.
Primo: Oh! There is a shredder in my dad's office. I can just shred them.
Me: OK. And put the rest of that stuff in the trash.
Saturday, December 19, 2015
In which we just have a fun post because Lord knows we need it really
You guys, it is the Friday before Christmas in real time. I am sitting on my bed with the cats while Primo is at some holiday party run by the Dems.
1. I have been working at home all week, so I have not been bothering to shower much
2. It's a Friday after I have been working all week on projects where almost nobody is available- I stupidly tried to have a meeting with
1. I have been working at home all week, so I have not been bothering to shower much
2. It's a Friday after I have been working all week on projects where almost nobody is available- I stupidly tried to have a meeting with
- an Italian
- on his Friday afternoon
- the week before Christmas
and that went about as well as you might have expected, which is, it didn't go at all. So I am frustrated because I have things to do but nobody is available so whatever.
3. I hate parties
4. I hate parties unless I already know the people there and already like them
5. I hate parties here in the winter because my choices are to look nice or to be warm and there is nowhere that these two options intersect. HELLO DESIGNERS! What happened to SLEEVES?
6. I want to work on my book and on this blog and on my other blog and on my Christmas letter.
I am here on the bed with the space heater turned to 11 and I am going to work on my book (which is work! Primo always asks why I write if it's work and I say because I like having written but the actual process can be excruciating.)
TED IS MAKING US CRAZY!!!
OK. Back to what I wanted to talk about.
I wanted to share this with you - it's the INS interview for marriage-based green card fraud.
I don't know if Primo and I could pass. Remember he is an engineer and strives for accuracy at all times.
I am a storyteller. My mission is to make it interesting. Plus I don't remember details.
Here are some of the questions we would never pass.
- When and where did you meet for the first time?
- Me: At our 20 year college reunion
- Primo: No! At our 15th!
- Me: I don't remember you.
- Primo: I was there!
- What did the two of you have in common?
- Me: Um. I thought he was hot but his political ideas made me roll me eyes.
- Primo: Nothing.
- Who proposed to whom?
- Me: Did you ever propose?
- Primo: Didn't you ask me?
- Did each of your parents attend the wedding?
- Me: Yes, but his wanted to boycott it.
- Primo: Yes. They were drunk.
- Did anyone get drunk or otherwise embarrass themselves at the wedding?
- Me: I see you have met my husband's parents.
- Have you met each other's parents? When was the last time you saw them?
- Me: At their funerals. I wanted to make sure.
- Do you buy gifts for your inlaws? Do they buy gifts for you?
- Me: Oh honey. Shall I tell you about the cast-iron cat?
- How do you get along with your inlaws?
- Me: Umm.
- Primo: Her mom is great.
- How many remote controls are in your house?
- Me: I have no idea.
- Primo: [counts in head and gets it right]
- Do you have a DVD player? What brand?
- Me: Does anyone really pay attention to that kind of thing?
- Primo: It's a [whatever]
- What kind of birth control do you use? Which brand?
- Me: The pill. I have no idea which brand.
- Primo: It's [whatever] brand.
- When was your wife's last menstrual period?
- Me: Ummmm.
- Primo: On X date.
- What is your favorite position? Missionary, doggie, cowgirl?
- Me: What's cowgirl?
- Primo: What's cowgirl?
In which the mob becomes inflamed
Commenter emma sent this image and wrote, "I'm imagining a group of blog readers armed with pitchforks descending on Ted."
 |
| http://undergroundmgzn.com/2014/10/17/terror-suspects-tried-mob-pitchforks/ |
Friday, December 18, 2015
In which Ted does indeed write a nasty, angry email to Primo, claiming that his travel expenses would pass audit (not from the IRS, they wouldn't - his expenses are not a tax deductible item from the estate), and he has to say a few nasty things to Primo, which makes me wonder if he has any idea about how power works and the fact that Primo has it and Ted does not
Subject: Reimbursable FL travel costsFrom: primoTo: ted
Ted,
I wanted you to know that I received the email about your travel expenses. I've spoken with the estate lawyer, who said that it should be possible to reimburse you for reasonable travel costs as long as the other family members (i.e., Jack and his kids) are OK with it and we offer them an opportunity for reimbursement as well. (Their costs were much lower, of course, but Jack certainly had some mileage expenses and Micheal paid for gas and/or bus fare when he traveled to the funeral.)
We are currently in the process of transferring the trust assets into a new account from which I will be able to disburse funds as trustee. (I am not able to use the existing checks or to move any money from the original trust account.) After the transfer is complete and we agree on a reasonable amount, I should be able to reimburse you.
Primo
Subject: Re: Reimbursable FL travel costs
From: ted
To: primo
Thanks, Primo. All of my travel costs are reasonable and will pass audit. Several of your phrases, e.g., “should be possible” and “other family members are OK with it” raise red flags.
Please consider my expense filing below as “a reasonable amount.” And please stop using the construction “should be able to reimburse you.”
Jack's mileage expenses and Micheal's gas/bus fares are of no concern to me, as long as they are documentable and can pass audit. I have no reason to expect that you would fail to exercise your fiduciary duty to our father’s estate regarding his will, his wishes, and and codicils he entered into.
cheers
ps) I’ve always wondered why you sign your name to an email that you obviously sent
In which I think Ted is going to get really annoyed, if not furious, about Primo's email telling him that the expenses for which he want reimbursement are "not reasonable"
Primo: I talked to the lawyer about Ted's expenses and sent him the email. He says it is not uncommon for family members to request reimbursement, but says that the beneficiaries of the trust have to agree to it and the expenses have to be reasonable.
Me: So Ted wants Jack's kids to give him money.
Primo: Yes. I sent Ted an email telling him that. What do you think is going to happen?
Me: He is going to get angry and write you an angry email.
Primo: Maybe. I don't know.
Me: So Ted wants Jack's kids to give him money.
Primo: Yes. I sent Ted an email telling him that. What do you think is going to happen?
Me: He is going to get angry and write you an angry email.
Primo: Maybe. I don't know.
Wednesday, December 16, 2015
In which Ted asks Primo to reimburse him (from the estate) not only for his visit to see Sly in the hospital but also for his trip for Doris' funeral and for Sly's funeral - AND he wants cash for the frequent-flier miles he used
NB
1. Ted's wife's mother is sick. She is not dead. Therefore, her estate is paying for nothing.
2. The IRS does not allow deductions from an estate for someone who is not the executor. It is moot in this case as the estate is not large enough to trigger taxes, but still.
From: Primo
To: Goldie
Date: sometime
Subject: FW: Reimbursable FL travel costs
1. Ted's wife's mother is sick. She is not dead. Therefore, her estate is paying for nothing.
2. The IRS does not allow deductions from an estate for someone who is not the executor. It is moot in this case as the estate is not large enough to trigger taxes, but still.
From: Primo
To: Goldie
Date: sometime
Subject: FW: Reimbursable FL travel costs
He is a completely shameless money-grubbing asshole.
I paid about $300-350 per round trip for my flights, and I flew mostly to/from Orlando to save money.
He wants me to reimburse him $875 per 25,000 airline miles? Delta values those miles at ONE CENT each when using them to pay for tickets.
He wants me to reimburse him for multiple dinners at $40-60/plate? I ate zero expensive restaurant meals.
If he's going to be reimbursed for these costs, we will certainly be reimbursed by the trust for all of your travel expenses in addition to mine.
Primo
(Detailed expense breakdown that I didn't include - GD)
I paid about $300-350 per round trip for my flights, and I flew mostly to/from Orlando to save money.
He wants me to reimburse him $875 per 25,000 airline miles? Delta values those miles at ONE CENT each when using them to pay for tickets.
He wants me to reimburse him for multiple dinners at $40-60/plate? I ate zero expensive restaurant meals.
If he's going to be reimbursed for these costs, we will certainly be reimbursed by the trust for all of your travel expenses in addition to mine.
Primo
Subject: Reimbursable FL travel costs
From: Ted
Date: earlier than sometime
To: Primo
Per Dad’s wishes and my email from last week, here’s the tally of reimbursable, out-of-pocket FL travel costs for me (and, minimally, my son and my wife).
These costs and the repayment thereof are in line with what my wife's mom’s estate has been reimbursing her for travel, with any double-charges relating to [my wife] eliminated. I checked with our CPA and he reminded me to instruct you to write “Non-taxable expense reimbursement” on the memo line of the check.
In the interest of saving money, I used FF miles, which cost approximately 1/2 of last-minute airfares. [My wife] researched the corresponding costs for mileage replacement—and whenever possible she used her elite status to save miles/money for my travel.
As you’re aware, I stayed at Dad's and at [my college friends'], also to save money, despite my severe cat allergies. Also, please note that [my wife's] mother’s estate covered the car rental costs ($500+) to attend Dad’s service. In addition, we’re not tallying the Marriott Awards points used to stay adjacent to Mayo for Doris' funeral. Obviously, I’m not tallying money spent for libations or the night I spent out with [my friend's] band. We can provide receipts or credit card statements if necessary for an audit, as we always do professionally.
(Detailed expense breakdown that I didn't include - GD)
Tuesday, December 15, 2015
In which I ask a lawyer at work what she thinks about using the estate money to reimburse Ted for his travel expenses, expecting her to agree with me that it is completely nuts to do that, but she does not agree with me, which ticks me off because how can she not see how right I am?
Me: Oh man. You will not believe what my husband's brother wants! He is not in the will and he thinks the estate should pay for his travel expenses to see his dad.
Lawyer: Well, he is probably pretty upset that he is not in the will.
Me: Yeah, but neither is my husband!
Lawyer: But you said at least he got the IRA.
Me: Yes. But only because his dad didn't get around to changing the beneficiary.
Lawyer: But he got something. And the brothers did not.
Me: Their kids do.
Lawyer: But the brothers do not.
Me: Nope.
Lawyer: What Primo could do is send an email to his other brother outlining what the first one wants. If the other brother agrees, then why not?
Me: BECAUSE IT'S WRONG!
Lawyer: Better to keep peace in the family, don't you think?
Me: No. We don't care if we ever talk to his brother again after this.
Lawyer: Well, he is probably pretty upset that he is not in the will.
Me: Yeah, but neither is my husband!
Lawyer: But you said at least he got the IRA.
Me: Yes. But only because his dad didn't get around to changing the beneficiary.
Lawyer: But he got something. And the brothers did not.
Me: Their kids do.
Lawyer: But the brothers do not.
Me: Nope.
Lawyer: What Primo could do is send an email to his other brother outlining what the first one wants. If the other brother agrees, then why not?
Me: BECAUSE IT'S WRONG!
Lawyer: Better to keep peace in the family, don't you think?
Me: No. We don't care if we ever talk to his brother again after this.
Monday, December 14, 2015
In which I WIN
Ted is ticking Primo off enough that he said that when he meets with the financial adviser next week, he is going to put me alone as the beneficiary on the IRA. That is as it should be, Ted or no Ted.
Also - this is what my mother had to say about Ted planning to send a "tally" for his travel expenses to the funeral. This is pretty much the universal reaction:
Also - this is what my mother had to say about Ted planning to send a "tally" for his travel expenses to the funeral. This is pretty much the universal reaction:
I have never heard of anyone being reimbursed from the estate for their expenses to come to a funeral!!! That is just something you do.
Sunday, December 13, 2015
In which Primo's brother counts the silver after Primo leaves
Primo: I have to answer Ted's email.
Me: About his sending you a tally of his expenses?
Primo: He wants my mom's bracelet.
Me: Right. The one your dad promised to Ted'sWife.
Primo: Only the one I found isn't the right one.
Me: Didn't you give it to them when we were all at the house?
Primo: Yes.
Me: Then why didn't they say something then?
Primo: They took it to a jeweler and he told them it was costume jewelry.
Me: Why would they take it to a jeweler?
Primo: Because - I don't know. But he wrote, "Whereas TW is delighted to have it as a keepsake from Doris, it sure would be great to honor Dad’s wish to TW to bequeath her the one he had in mind. In the grand scheme of things, this doesn’t rise to a high priority; however, I’m always a fan of doing the right thing."
Me: "Doing the right thing?" What's that supposed to mean?
Primo: That I am not doing it right.
Me: Wait. Does he think you have the bracelet and aren't giving it to him? Why would you do that?
Primo: My dad said it was the most expensive piece of jewelry he had ever given my mom.
Me: But - do they want it to sell it? Or do they want it as a keepsake?
Primo: I don't know.
Me: Why is he being so pissy with you? His tone implies that you are withholding the bracelet from him.
Primo: I know.
Me: But you don't have it! And you don't even want it!
Primo: I know.
Me: I don't want it!
Primo: I know.
Me: Why is he like this?
Primo: I don't know.
Me: This is like your mom accusing me for five years of stealing her watch and then not bothering to tell us until a year after she found it in the pocket of her sweater that she had found it. Why do people in your family think you and I are stealing their jewelry?
Me: About his sending you a tally of his expenses?
Primo: He wants my mom's bracelet.
Me: Right. The one your dad promised to Ted'sWife.
Primo: Only the one I found isn't the right one.
Me: Didn't you give it to them when we were all at the house?
Primo: Yes.
Me: Then why didn't they say something then?
Primo: They took it to a jeweler and he told them it was costume jewelry.
Me: Why would they take it to a jeweler?
Primo: Because - I don't know. But he wrote, "Whereas TW is delighted to have it as a keepsake from Doris, it sure would be great to honor Dad’s wish to TW to bequeath her the one he had in mind. In the grand scheme of things, this doesn’t rise to a high priority; however, I’m always a fan of doing the right thing."
Me: "Doing the right thing?" What's that supposed to mean?
Primo: That I am not doing it right.
Me: Wait. Does he think you have the bracelet and aren't giving it to him? Why would you do that?
Primo: My dad said it was the most expensive piece of jewelry he had ever given my mom.
Me: But - do they want it to sell it? Or do they want it as a keepsake?
Primo: I don't know.
Me: Why is he being so pissy with you? His tone implies that you are withholding the bracelet from him.
Primo: I know.
Me: But you don't have it! And you don't even want it!
Primo: I know.
Me: I don't want it!
Primo: I know.
Me: Why is he like this?
Primo: I don't know.
Me: This is like your mom accusing me for five years of stealing her watch and then not bothering to tell us until a year after she found it in the pocket of her sweater that she had found it. Why do people in your family think you and I are stealing their jewelry?
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