Saturday Oct 20 Don't do this

If your spouse suggests running for office, tell him (or her, as the case may be) that you will divorce him.

Mean it.

Because if you don't, and he does run for office, this is what your life will look like.

Thursday: Go to work. Come home. Assemble 25 yard signs (about an hour). Call volunteer who was supposed to pick stuff up. Talk to her about her bad day.

(I don't want to sound whiny about the volunteers. They are amazing and they are giving us their time. But the care and feeding of volunteers is an important and time-consuming function.)

Take call from another volunteer who wants to know why Primo has not dropped off the material to her. Should she come get it? Look for material. It's gone. Primo has it. Call Primo. Ask his plans. Call volunteer back and tell her that Primo will drop it off tonight.

Answer door. It's another volunteer. She has very nicely brought her completed materials back so I don't have to pick them up. Chat with her for half an hour because you like her and chatting is better than assembling yard signs.

Slice potatoes and onions for tortillas. Fry them. Put them in the fridge. Make bread in bread machine.

Draft a script for your friend Bonnie to use to call the 600 people who have told Primo they will vote for him. She is going to call to ask them if they want yard signs. Download the list from the database and cross-reference it against the people who already have yard signs.

Primo comes home. Argue with him about bedtime. Tell him that just because you are taking the day off on Friday does not mean he gets to have more of your evening time by your going to be late. The whole point of sleeping late the next day to catch up is to get MORE sleep than you otherwise would, ie, go to bed at the normal time but sleep past 6. The advantage disappears if you stay up until midnight. Fume. Wish you had never gotten married.

Friday: Dust living and dining room. Dust bedroom. Vacuum entire house. Wash wood floors. Make tortillas. Go to grocery store and library. Vacuum basement and stairs.

Wait for Primo to get his campaign crap off the dining room table. Wait. Wait. Wait. Argue with him about it. Throw your hands up in surrender and leave dining room.

Find tablecloth. Put on table, along with serving dishes. Get party plates out from upper cupboard. Put them in the dishwasher. Argue with Primo about which napkins to use.

Assemble Junior League onion dip with onions you already chopped on Wednesday and parmesan cheese you grated on Wednesday as well.

Get Ro-Tel tomatoes and Velveeta out of the basement for Ro-Tel dip. Polish silver chafing dish.

Write thank-you postcards for campaign contributions. Notice that your friends Megan and Steve sent a contribution IN JULY that you did not know about. Be mortified that their gift has gone unacknowledged.

Look up the spouse names for the walk sheet/door encounters where the spouse name was not listed so the postcard will be addressed to the right person.

Draft an email for Primo to the person who felt like he had been tricked.

Clean cat box. Water flowers.

Call volunteer about yard signs -can she come get them? Primo is gone and you don't have a car to use. She does come - discuss sign strategy for 20 minutes. We don't want Primo's signs in the same yard with the PD presidential candidate, but this volunteer is part of an organization that is campaigning for the PD presidential candidate.

Saturday: Clean bathroom. Clean upstairs bathroom. Clear crap off stairs. Take bowl of ice from upstairs freezer to downstairs freezer. Do three loads of laundry. Hang them on the line. Bring hoses in for the winter.

Enter four walk sheets into the database. Look up spouse names. Make list of yard signs to deliver.

Be tired. And ticked. It's only noon.