In which I go all KonMari on the built-in china cabinets after Ted ticks us off so much

You know what I did last night instead of falling asleep? After Ted sent that obnoxious facebook message to Primo, Primo and I stewed about it. Primo asked if he was a Bad Person for not wanting a relationship with Ted.

"He keeps saying they want to host us!" he said. "I don't want to be around him!"

"Me neither!" I said.

"And the only reason he is being nice to me is because he wants money! Where was he last year before I was in charge of the money?"

"He was not interested," I answered.

"I thought once my parents were dead that this kind of drama would be over," he sighed.

"What if you had married a vegan socialist heiress instead of me?" I asked "You know, someone they could not possibly have disapproved of."

"They would have found something," he said.

"What?"

"Well, the vegan thing."

"What's not to like about vegans?"

"She wouldn't eat bacon."

"So? That's more bacon for everyone else. I love having my vegetarian and vegan friends over. I don't have to feed them meat. It's cheap."

"They wouldn't have liked someone who doesn't eat bacon. They would have said that rejecting their bacon was insulting them."

"Of course they would have!"

We chuckled with relief that we no longer have to deal with the Great Bacon Issues.

Then we talked about the looming confrontation with Ted.

"You're never afraid to say no to me," I said. "Why are you so worried about Ted?"

"Because you don't punish me when I don't do what you want," he answered.



Later, Primo went out and I tried to fall asleep.

Only I couldn't.

I kept thinking about the next Ted shoe to drop. How much drama there would be. What a nightmare it would be. But how it had to be done.

Now, I am not comparing Ted to Hitler, but the Allies thought if they let Hitler have the Sudetenland, then he would stop.

Except he didn't.

Bullies have to be stopped. You can't trust them.

It's looooooming.

So I couldn't sleep.

And I couldn't sleep.

Finally, at 11 p.m., even though my alarm is set for 6:00 a.m., I got out of bed.

When I am stressed, I want to control something in my life.

When I am stressed, I want to control my environment.

When I am stressed, I want to get rid of stuff and be in a tidy, spare, empty space.

I got out of bed, went to the basement, found a stash of boxes stored inside boxes that Primo must have thought I would not discover, took them upstairs, and pulled the junk out of the china cabinet.

Years ago, I had a vision of plain white serving dishes. I bought those dishes at the Williams-Sonoma outlet in Memphis with a bonus from work, back in the days when I used to get nice bonuses.

(Not bitter! I am not bitter about making less money now than I did IN 1999.)

But since then, other dishes had accumulated. Sure, some of them by choice - the serving plate I had painted for Primo that says, "But I didn't even eat the salmon mousse!" Some of them gifts. None of them fitting my vision.

KonMari says it is OK to get rid of gifts. (I will not throw away - I will give to charity.)

I pulled out all the serving dishes and the silverplate cream and sugar bowls and the silverplate salt and pepper shakers that I had gotten at Goodwill and WHAT A GREAT FIND THEY WERE! only I HAVE NEVER USED THEM and my china cabinets are messy and I can't find anything and there are piles of piles and I HATE IT.

And I put everything that was not a white serving dish and put it in a box.

And I took the boxes downstairs.

And I put them in the basement.

In six months, I will take them to Goodwill.

(I would take them tomorrow, but SOMEONE in this house would freak out, so I need documentation that we have gone six months without even NOTICING THEY ARE GONE.)

I still couldn't sleep but at least I accomplished something.