I guess Ted could be worse, but this is pretty annoying. I understand he wants details about Doris' funeral and Doris is not his mom, so he can't take over, but he could have written something like,
Primo, I know you have a lot going on right now, taking care of dad and the house and trying to plan Doris' funeral. I know she wasn't my mom, but is there anything I can do from here to help? I could call the funeral home to see if they have AV equipment, I could put together photos like we did for Nancy's service, I can make sure all her friends know about the service. Would you like me to do any or all of that?
That would have been better than the approach he took, which has Primo ready to slug him. Honestly, I am surprised that Ted is not beaten up weekly - he just rubs people the wrong way.
(And who calls a funeral a "gig?" And who talks about a funeral being a "get?" See why people want to punch him?)
UPDATE: Also, notice how Ted had to get in a dig at Stephanie with his "lying vs laying" snipe? I cannot stand Ted. And then his little pat on the back to Primo for not giving out Sly's cell number? It would have been bad for people to have his number why? I cannot stand Ted.
UPDATE: Also, notice how Ted had to get in a dig at Stephanie with his "lying vs laying" snipe? I cannot stand Ted. And then his little pat on the back to Primo for not giving out Sly's cell number? It would have been bad for people to have his number why? I cannot stand Ted.
From: primo@hotmail.com
To: golddigger@hotmail.com
I meant to copy you on this when I sent it.
After I sent my update yesterday, Ted sent two annoying emails. I was annoyed, so I waited until today to respond.
I told him that his style was causing stress.
From: primo@hotmail.com
To: ted@verizon.net
Subject: RE: family update: Dad in rehab, Mom's memorial event
Date: Sat, 13 Jun 2015 09:49:58 -0500
Ted,
One step at a time. We haven't gotten far enough to provide complete answers to some of your questions. If you were just asking questions that came to mind or suggesting things that we need to think about, that's fine, but the style of your writing tends to elevate the recipient's stress level.
Dad and I will be working on a list of additional people to notify (and invite) today.
Does Dad want to invite Wakeen and Shavon to Doris' memorial service?
Yes, they are invited.
Excellent update email, as usual, but there’s no inherent invite to non-family for Doris' gig, as I’ll call it.
I disagree. There was an implicit invitation to all recipients of the email. Near the end, I wrote "If you are able to attend next weekend, we look forward to seeing you." The message was not intended as an official invitation; I was merely sending an update email and notifying the recipients about "Doris' gig."
Also, what are Dad’s and your preliminary plans for photos, posters, etc. (as we did 12 years ago next week at Nancy's)?
How might we help with that? (OK, that was nice and Primo should accept that offer - GD)
We have a digital photo archive and, lying around (as opposed to laying around), a stash of analog stuff.
This topic has been brought up briefly. We'd like to have photos on display. If you have some, it will be helpful if you can bring them. I am not sure whether the funeral home will have a TV or projector to display a "slide show" of digital photos. That's something I can ask the funeral director on Monday.
Also—and more important—what’s the protocol, if any?
Are Dad and you leading off with spoken words? May I contribute some? Jack? Music? (Also nice - but again, see my recommended approach. I just don't like Ted and can't like anything he does. :) GD )
This has been brought up very briefly. Yes, we will include some brief remarks. Of course you and Jack can contribute. Yes, we'd like to have some music playing. There will be some kind of "program," which is also to be discussed with the funeral director.
Dad is eager to make it home (for at least part of a day sometime before next weekend) so that he can work on things like choosing music and photos. I told him that I can find music if he tells me what to look for, and I can also get some help with photos here.
Thursday and the first half of yesterday were very stressful because Dad was pushing to get home today (and for me to pick him up early this morning) until he realized that he wasn't ready. I think he is going to be just barely recovered to the point where we can have the event next weekend, but we need to get it done and move on instead of pushing it out into July.
Primo
Subject: Re: family update: Dad in rehab, Mom's memorial event
From: ted@verizon.net
Date: Fri, 12 Jun 2015 19:30:24 -0400
To: primo@hotmail.com
Also—and more important—what’s the protocol, if any?
Are Dad and you leading off with spoken words? May I contribute some? Jack? Music?
keep us posted
Subject: Re: family update: Dad in rehab, Mom's memorial event
From: ted@verizon.net
Date: Fri, 12 Jun 2015 19:28:50 -0400
To: primo@hotmail.com
Does Dad want to invite Wakeen and Shavon to Doris' June 21 event? Obviously, Father’s Day is a tough “get,” as we call it in DC and the media biz.
Excellent update email, as usual, but there’s no inherent invite to non-family for Doris' gig, as I’ll call it.
Also, what are Dad’s and your preliminary plans for photos, posters, etc. (as we did 12 years ago next week at Nancy's)? How might we help with that? We have a digital photo archive and, lying around (as opposed to laying around), a stash of analog stuff.
lettuce know
ps) good call on not giving out his cell phone #
maybe things are different in Florida, but around here, you notify folks when one dies and tell them when the "event" will happen, and then they decide if they wish/can attend. Never heard of "inviting" people (guests?) to a memorial service. it seems like Ted goes out of his way to make everything more difficult. Add that to Primo's "engineering approach"... chaos! so sorry you all had to deal with all that.
ReplyDeleteOkay, I'll admit it: I rolled my eyes and sprained something at the "as we call it in DC and the media biz." No, you do not call funeral attendance a "get" anywhere. That's for other types of functions where you're trying to reel people in!
ReplyDeleteWebb, we do the same thing where I am: there's a general announcement in the paper and then word of mouth tends to go around. If you aren't in the area...I guess you just hope you're still in touch with someone in the area? I don't know. I have a lot of family and friends where I used to live, so they always let me know when someone I want to know about passes. :(
Ditto, you announce and people attend. IF you want a private memorial (not event, not gig, not get), you make your announcement and say it is a private service and only then do you invite the attendees. Ted is a first class jacka**
ReplyDeleteYou guys, I know! Primo and I were talking about this post today, too! (We were driving back from visiting friends and I was reading the posts and the comments on my phone.) He said, "I would assume that if someone tells me there is going to be a funeral, I can attend if I want! It's not like I am going to give someone the information and then say, 'But you can't come!""
ReplyDeleteWe both cannot stand Ted.
Dear Lord! I hope Ted was not on the list to speak at Doris' service.
ReplyDeletea) he was not her son and
b) Ted should never be allowed near a microphone nor a lectern/platform/pulpit - anything! ((Goldie and Primo, as if Primo losing his mom was not stressful enough))
Oh man, Emma. It's like you are psychic. Just wait. :)
Delete